On The Role Of Alfred, As Understood By The JLA:

Batfamily Beauty and the Beast AU where Bruce is the beast and with every child he adopts he becomes slightly more and more human.

He finds Dick in the woods, sobbing over the loss of his parents. A year later, he looks in the mirror and wonders if he's only imagining that he's gotten shorter.

Jason sneaks into the castle and steals a loaf of bread, hungry and desperate. Bruce takes him in and offers him a proper meal. As he's putting his new son to bed one night, he notices that his claws have shrunk.

Tim marches into the castle and demands Bruce take him, knowing the stories of the monster who kidnaps children. Bruce's snout feels flatter than it used to when he presses a kiss to his forehead.

Cassandra lasts a full two weeks before anyone even notices she's there. The fur on Bruce's arms begins to thin as he holds her close, and she smiles up at him.

Tim brings home Stephanie, who loudly insists that she does not need nor want a new father. His skin grows less leathery, and the beginnings of crows feet appear on the corners of his eyes.

Damian is brought to them by Talia, rigid and wary of everything, convinced of his birthright as the Bat's heir. The fangs in Bruce's mouth seem to smooth over as he learns to gentle his speech.

The day Duke joins the family, still reeling from the plague that claimed his parents, something clicks. Bruce steps out, and before them stands a perfectly human man, finally made whole by his love for his children.

Jason doesn't get to announce his revival dramatically because Talia decides to be petty (she is her father's daughter, alright) and randomly sends Jason's photo with little Damian to Bruce in a random Monday.

Bruce: (minding his business)

Talia, messaging in the middle of the day: Beloved. Look at our beautiful sons.

Talia: (sends a photo of Jason reading little Damian a book while he drools)

Bruce, with his eye twitching: IS THAT JASON?

Bruce: SONS?

Bruce: TALIA?

Talia, turning her phone to Jason: A family photoshoot would ruin him completely. I'm just saying.

Jason, staring at the screen: ...

Jason: Call Ra's. We are doing the sweetest family photoshoot this world had ever seen. I need the old man to get a stroke.

Talia: ...I sense like I made some mistake here.

They ship printed photos of this photoshoot directly to Wayne Manor in the various copies. Jason brings little Damian to his father in a few weeks and announces that he himself will stay only for a short amount of time before returning to "grandpa Ra's." Bruce locks up all doors and forbids anyone from leaving it. .

"The sky was lonely, and you were the tail that I wanted."

Gordon: "You busted up this warehouse because?"

Jaybin: "As you can see, it's a facility for illegal processing--"

Criminal: "Nuh-uh. You can't prove that's not baby aspirin."

Nightwing: *licks it off glove* "Oh."

Gordon:

Criminal, smugly: "What's the matter? Headache go away?"

Gordon: "Give me some of that stuff, mine's just starting."

Bruce not experiencing Damian’s baby and toddler years was probably for the best, because can you imagine how sickeningly sweet and positively over-the-top he would’ve been?

Damian would’ve been dressed in those adorable animal, character, and theme onesies. Halloween? Pumpkin that baby. Christmas? Lil baby angel outfit. Hanukkah? You’re a latke now, sweet boy. It’s Tuesday? Guess you’re a starfish today, baby. A limitless amount of adorable, ridiculous outfits.

And don’t let the facade of high-society sophistication and propriety fool you—Bruce would’ve been calling that baby everything but his name. Stinky man, my lil boo boo, baby boy, sweetheart, goober. When Damian sees a cow for the first time and goes “moo”? Guess your name’s Moo Moo now. What? I could just call him Dami? No, thank you. His name is Squish today. He will be Chubby Bunny tomorrow. No, I am not taking notes or suggestions.

Randos trying to touch or hold Damian? Be prepared to catch a whole Batfamily’s worth of hands. No, don’t look at my baby—bitch, I said don’t look at my baby. See, you looked at him, and now I have to buy your whole life on a discount. Look at what you made me do.

Damian is not above using his status as Baby to get what he wants. At the same time, the Bats know that their littlest family member using his power (rare though it may be) is a sign of affection. Nobody says anything because Damian feeling comfortable enough to act his age (even if it is a manipulation tactic) means he trusts them.

Also? It’s fucking adorable.

Bruce is a man of principles and discipline, but he’s ready to shave his head and steal Lex Luthor’s identity no questions asked when Damian silently crawls into his lap. He was on a shareholders videoconference the first time the boy did it. No amount of money, notoriety, or achievements will ever compare to Damian laying his head on his father’s chest, sighing quietly, and closing his eyes peacefully as board members oohed and awwed. Screenshots went viral almost immediately. #BabyWayne trended for weeks.

Bruce booked them a trip to Chicago to see the new tiger exhibit at the zoo that Damian had mentioned over breakfast. He absolutely knew he’d been had and oh fucking well.

Then Damian does it again. And again and again, with no ask beforehand. When Bruce finally asked what was going on, the littlest Wayne said he was cold and simply required a heat source. Bruce pressed a kiss to his boy’s hair and read the quarterly reports over his head. And then took him out for new art supplies. And got him a pet lizard. And some ice cream. And yes, Alfred, I have a problem, but look at him! 🥹

What the Justice Leaguers Do On Their Days Off… I kept cackling at J’onn! 🤣

This would 100% happen

CW: so much angst but it’s mainly for villains

Tim had Ana hunt with Bruce who tells him that he’s too young to understand how the world really works, with Jason adding sneakily that he’s also a rich boy who’s never struggled before.

Naturally, Tim takes this as a challenge and decides to help and/or ‘fix’ every villains that he thinks he realistically can.

He goes big straight away with Harley Quinn. He goes to her and pretends to be asking for advice on a friend who’s in an abusive relationship, saying no one else seems to be understanding eh situation but as a score she might. He smoothly describes her and Joker and lets her rant for almost two hours before pulling the rug form under her and saying that Jason forgives his ‘friend’ for him dying by her boyfriend because he knows she was hurt just as bad when she tried to save him.

Harley takes another two months to leave the Joker and places herself in Arkham to contour her role as a doctor for her fellow maniacs.

It takes the help of several doctors but he finds the cure for Freezes wife and hands it over while telling the man that his wife probably won’t forgive him for his various murders.

Freeze understands, saves his wife anyway and accepts her request for a divorce willing, just as long as she stays alive.

He gets Arnold Wesker a real doctor who can better treat his Dissociative Identity Disorder and helps him keep Scarface out of the front by playing along as if rhetorical puppet is real and under heavy custody.

Arnold starts to live for more moments of peace than he has in years, even if there are still some really bad days.

With Poison Ivy he doesn’t actually do anything as Robin, but instead goes to her as Tim Drake and asks for her guidance on how to make his medical company and by association Wayne Industries completely eco friendly and even help to stop climate change. Tim Drake was already borderline political, he might as well lead the charge on action for climate. He does say that if Ivy does any more large scale and fatal attacks he will stop everything, which she agrees to after a week of though with her plants council.

Pamala cries for hours when she sees Tim’s plan to de-plant the entirety of a forest that she had once tried to save.

Tim doesn’t tell his family about any of this until he asks them to visit him in his city office about a gala he wants to hold, his very first, and they find Pamala and Harley helping with decoration plans and Victor and Arnold discussing how their therapy has been going together.

Bruce nearly had a heart attack.

Local baby bat upset that he cant simple punch his way out of every situation ends up making some new friends

I just wanted to draw baby Diana and baby Clark so heres baby Bruce from that role swap au making some friends by getting beat up (full au guide here)

FIRST POST EVER AAAAAA

Merry Chrimah everyone!!