Dick 9 Times Out Of 10 Failing To Hide A Severe Injury From The Rest Of The Batfam Because Without Fail

AU where bruce and co. (his entire hoarde of kids, even jason in disguise) are at a gala. And it's a really big gala, party of the year type of thing in Gotham, absolutely unmissable. And usually, even the rogues know that this night is off limits, so it's relatively safe. So, they're all at this gala, right?

And then the joker crashes it because he has no respect for Gotham traditions. Breaks in through a window, yada yada. He starts to go on this whole villain speech as per usual, and everyone is waiting for the heroes to come. But all the heroes are at the gala, in their civilian identities, with a thousand eyes on them. No one can reasonably slip away, except for maybe jason, who's already seething mad and ready to attack. But with the chaos and people trying to get away, all the exits are blocked, and his helmet is at home.

Bruce is at the front of the crowd, facing the Joker. Joker sees him and makes a comment about Jason, and goes on about how Bruce must've felt when his baby died. And then he brings up how he killed the little birdie too, just a few days before the terrorist attacks that allegedly killed Jason. And he mentions how much he tortured Robin before his death, and Bruce snaps.

He leaps forward, absolutely hammering the shit out of the joker. Beats him up so bad, no finesse or technique to it, just pure rage. His kids try to pull him off, to no avail. No one else even tries. By the end of it, by the time the police arrive, the joker is more blood than body, and Bruce has finally calmed down. Everyone is just staring at him in shock, understandably. (The joker ends up in hospital, paralysed and in a coma)

His kids all drag Bruce home and give him an entire lecture about his persona and how his cover has probably been blown. About excessive violence and how he refused to kill joker but then pulled this in public?? They're all worried about the fallout in the news the next day.

No one sleeps that night, for various reasons, but then when the newspaper comes out the next morning... there's just nothing bad written?? The headline is something about Bruce being a hero for saving everyone from the joker, but there's no other mention about Batman or anything else.

Turns out, no one in Gotham is surprised that Brucie Wayne, no 1 airhead, beat up the joker because "did you SEE him as a teenager?? We were all just glad when he came from his travels pretending to be stupid instead of picking fights with everyone. If anything, it's understandable that he snapped, I would too if a clown started bragging about killing my son." The only reason no one brought up his violent past is because they were worried he would revert back to that behaviour.

Look, normally I wouldn't dare touch smth other then Greatsword, but Anjanath has no right being such a bastard or having that kinda attitude for being an Act 1 monster so I'll make an exception

....You know on one hand I didn't mean to imply that 'that' was what happened but at the same time that particular associate tends to flirt with everyone he sees that's over 18 so it is admittedly entire possible..... also explains why the poor man was so embarrassed

Hello again Chancellor,

I recently thought of something and wanted your opinion, as you are no doubt familiar with, the dragons of Tamriel all share the same basic body shape, slightly rounded body, long neck and tail, two legs and a pair of massive wings, however my associate, during one of his adventures came across a shrine to Peryite and noticed that the Daedric Prince is depicted as a dragon with FOUR legs, with the wings placed upon the back, any ideas as to why this is?

Side note. My associate (usually) makes a point to not touch things he doesn't understand, as per your and Chancellor Antony's caution, the (to my knowledge) one exception was when he overindulged and decided to mess with an object that ended up containing a rather annoyed Iron Atronach. I still don't know how that happened and I didn't bother asking, the poor man looked embarrassed enough but let's just say that was one of his less poor choices that night.

Well, the answer to your question is extraordinarily simple: Peryite is depicted as a six-limbed dragon, because on the (very few) occasions when a reliable eye-witness saw the Taskmaster and was in any shape to report back, the Daedric Prince took this form. But why it takes this particular form is a subject of a heated debate among the scholars of daedric matters... at least when they remember that Paryite should be considered.

My personal theory is that half of the red-tape process is in Paryite's domain and it wants to actually hold a quill in suitable claws.

As for your associate... A balm of aloe vera does wonders on burns in sensitive areas.

Billy hasn’t quiteeee mastered flying in his regular human form yet☁️

(Continuation of my last post ⬇️)

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AXE

What if Billy kept some of his powers in his human form? ⚡️

This would 100% happen

CW: so much angst but it’s mainly for villains

Tim had Ana hunt with Bruce who tells him that he’s too young to understand how the world really works, with Jason adding sneakily that he’s also a rich boy who’s never struggled before.

Naturally, Tim takes this as a challenge and decides to help and/or ‘fix’ every villains that he thinks he realistically can.

He goes big straight away with Harley Quinn. He goes to her and pretends to be asking for advice on a friend who’s in an abusive relationship, saying no one else seems to be understanding eh situation but as a score she might. He smoothly describes her and Joker and lets her rant for almost two hours before pulling the rug form under her and saying that Jason forgives his ‘friend’ for him dying by her boyfriend because he knows she was hurt just as bad when she tried to save him.

Harley takes another two months to leave the Joker and places herself in Arkham to contour her role as a doctor for her fellow maniacs.

It takes the help of several doctors but he finds the cure for Freezes wife and hands it over while telling the man that his wife probably won’t forgive him for his various murders.

Freeze understands, saves his wife anyway and accepts her request for a divorce willing, just as long as she stays alive.

He gets Arnold Wesker a real doctor who can better treat his Dissociative Identity Disorder and helps him keep Scarface out of the front by playing along as if rhetorical puppet is real and under heavy custody.

Arnold starts to live for more moments of peace than he has in years, even if there are still some really bad days.

With Poison Ivy he doesn’t actually do anything as Robin, but instead goes to her as Tim Drake and asks for her guidance on how to make his medical company and by association Wayne Industries completely eco friendly and even help to stop climate change. Tim Drake was already borderline political, he might as well lead the charge on action for climate. He does say that if Ivy does any more large scale and fatal attacks he will stop everything, which she agrees to after a week of though with her plants council.

Pamala cries for hours when she sees Tim’s plan to de-plant the entirety of a forest that she had once tried to save.

Tim doesn’t tell his family about any of this until he asks them to visit him in his city office about a gala he wants to hold, his very first, and they find Pamala and Harley helping with decoration plans and Victor and Arnold discussing how their therapy has been going together.

Bruce nearly had a heart attack.

Okay. New thought. Hear me out.

Jason with motorcycle.

Jason, motorcycle AND 'white girl' music.

A little like this:

Goon 1: Hurry up guys! We don' want boss waitn' to long!

Goon 5: Uh.. hey lads? What's that music? I ain't never hear California gurls playin' down h're.

Goon 1: ...

The sound of a motorcycles engine becomes louder, as well as the very noticable and very known lyrics of California gurls as well as a distinct voice singing it.

Goon 2: SHIT SHIT DUCK DOWN

All of the goon scramble to duck down and hide.

Goon 5: What? What is it? The goon whispers

As the sound becomes louder and louder, the engine of the motorcycle pauses for a while but soon continues on. The goons all let out a heavy breath, that was a close one.

Goon 6: Oh thank the Lord. I thought he found us for a second..

Jason standing like right behind them whispers into one of the goons ears: California girls-

And that's why if you hear California gurls playing in Gotham, you should run because it's the Red hood.

Now. You must be wondering, if Jason is with the goons.. where is the motorcycle? Well let's just say Tim had a fun time scaring the shit out of people.

hc? smth i noticed?

toothless has a large amount of human characteristics thanks to hiccup .like how he tried to draw the lightfury and has made it a habit to smile after learning how to from hiccup and has his own funny way of laughing .theres more but its 4 am rn and im tireddddd

extra: i like to think hiccup has some dragon like characteristics thanks to being around toothless exclusively for so long (whenever he was training him and when the main group started getting jobs and such)

What would buzzfeed unsolved look like in the dcu?

“This week on Buzzfeed Unsolved, we’ll be discussing the mysterious case of Jason Todd.”

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Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!! I bring my followers a longish comic with some Damian feels, I hope you like it :)

Commission Info / Kofi (members get comics a week early)

Don’t mind me, just thinking about a young, twenty-something Bruce Wayne guiding Dick’s hand as he learns to write his letters, teaching Jason how to ride a bike, putting Power Ranger stickers on Tim’s knees, leaving Tooth Fairy Money under Stephanie’s pillow, playing hide-and-seek with Cassandra, watching Damian play with dogs at the dog park, and helping Duke with his algebra homework on the kitchen counter. You know, dad stuff.