The Decision To Make Damian A Doctor Is Genuinely An Excellent Idea Bc At The End Of The Day A Big Part

Love TimBernKon bc usually ships have opposing dynamics but with those guys it’s just

Every time I see one of the “Bruce Wayne collects orphans” or “where does Batman get all these children???” jokes, I get this little ping in my head because, yes, it is a good joke, very funny, bonus points if it’s other characters trying and failing to combine Broody McBroodface with Tired DadTM. But also… 

I just can’t shake the conviction that no one is as baffled and bewildered by his ever increasing number of children than Bruce Wayne himself.

Like, this man clearly never intended to be a dad. He is Vengeance and Justice Committed to The Mission. Kids don’t factor into that. And to that point, it’s worth noting that none of his kids were premeditated. At no point has Bruce ever thought “maybe I want a(nother) kid.” They just sorta…happen. And not even in the usual way! (Mostly)

Like, Dick? Bruce wasn’t going “orphan shopping.” He went to the circus to to relax for once in his godforsaken life and wow, would you look at that, a vivid recreation of his own trauma and, oh, who’s this kid Batman keeps running into on patrol, wait, this is the same kid?! Whoops, I guess I’m raising this kid now, Alfred how do you raise a kid!?!

Jason? Yeah, Bruce was just doing his usual Batman thing when he ran into a homeless kid and somehow got too attached. Tim just showed up one day and said, “hi, I’m your kid now, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me.” (Really. you can’t stop me). Damien basically did the same thing, only with more stabbing. Cass…?? Stephanie????!!

(Bruce googling in the middle of the night: Is it normal to adopt your son’s ex-girlfriend?? Or did she adopt me??? Giving a kid an unlimited credit card and vigilante training counts as adoption, right??)

Point is, these kids just…show up, needing help, and somehow, for reasons that defy all logic, Bruce is the adult best equipped to help them. And yeah, Bruce never intended to adopt a kid (…or seven) and, no, he doesn’t exactly know what he’s doing, but these kids need him so he takes them in and does His Best because he’s the one who can. 

Which is all to say, I think we should see far more conversations re: Finding out Batman has approx. 5 million kids that go like this

Someone: What? Do crime-fighting orphans, just like…crawl out of the woodwork around you? Bruce, exasperated and visibly stressed: yeah, BASICALLY. 

i think we've done a great job expanding the view of what a child's favorite animal can be. kids these days can say they love axolotls or pangolins or coelecanths and their decision is respected. maybe their parents can even find them a stuffed animal of it if they know where to look. and i think that's beautiful

Yeah that makes sense now that I think about it. Toothless DID seem pretty surprised about the Red Death.

Rewatching httyd and I think I’m realizing something about Nightfuries.

So, Toothless spits up half the fish that Hiccup gave him. A kind of act of goodwill to reciprocate Hiccup’s. He does it again later after Test Drive.

It’s not something other dragons do when say, feeding the queen, because a Gronkle does the same and gets eaten. Sure, it could just be that it wasn’t enough for the queen, but we also know something about Nightfuries.

They don’t take food. It’s in the opening dialogue about them.

If a Nightfury took nothing back to the queen, I’m sure they’d be eaten too. But Toothless shows up, somewhat late, with the first pack of dragons that attack the village.

I think he followed the dragons because they were flying somewhere together, not because he was under orders from the queen.

So I think Nightfuries are meant to be pack hunters. They work together and feed each other.

He bonds to Hiccup very fast, and even when he could kill Hiccup, he doesn’t. Like when Hiccup lets him go. Like the very first flight when Hiccup attaches just the tail fin.

And sure, we know that dragons can tell when you mean harm and have weapons, but the Monstrous Nightmare still almost killed Hiccup in the beginning despite being unarmed.

Anyways, based on this evidence, I think Nightfuries are meant to be pack hunters, and the fact they are solitary is a tragedy. They’ve been wiped out that it changes their entire ability to exist with other dragons.

(And for the little dragons that come and steal his food, they’re not part of his pack. That’s why he defends his food. It’s like a lion protecting food from hyenas.)

Edit: OH, AND it’s a great reason why he’s so adept at enforcing boundaries and keeping the peace between pack members. It’s innate. Like wolves, they have to manage everyone’s emotions and actively try to avoid fights and de-escalate.

imagine Batman had to take care of the rest of the Justice League members after a magic user turned them into toddlers/ kids

Bruce: *warms Clark's bottle*

Bruce: *sets Diana in a playpen*

Bruce: *burps Hal*

Bruce: *changes Ollie's diaper*

Bruce: *puts Barry on a child leash*

Bruce: *gives Arthur a bath*

Bruce: *puts J'onn in a Martian onesie*

Bruce: *gives Vic a green teddy bear*

Bruce: *sings Dinah a lullaby*

Bruce: *plays peek-a-boo with Zatanna*

Bruce: *holds a baby photoshoot for Carter and Shayera*

Bruce: *downloads Little Einstein for Ray*

Bruce: *puts an iPad in front of Ted*

Bruce: *starts training Billy to be Robin*

[later, back to normal]

Ollie: We're gonna pretend we don't remember all that?

Everyone: Yep.

Video by The Panda Redd on TikTok

Anyways, thinking about Batman pulling his disappearing act on the GCPD rooftop for the first time after partnering with Robin, and just leaving Robin behind.

Gordon turns around, notices that Batman is gone but the kid is not. Then Robin notices that Batman is gone, and promptly burst into tears because, “He left me! He left me behind!”

Jim Gordon is not heartless and he’s a father, he takes the kid into the precinct. He gives him a blanket and a snack. He tries to calm him down and asks if he knows a phone number that he could call for Batman. He gets a wobbly, “He doesn’t have a phone.”

Jim steps out of his office for a second to speak with an officer about turning the bat signal back on, and when he gets back to his office the kid is gone. The crime scene photos and forensic report from the joker attack yesterday are also gone from his office.

Meanwhile Robin is standing in the alley behind the GCPD, waving as Batman grapples down to meet him. He gives him a big smile and says, “I got the evidence!”

“Good job, Chum.”

Lex Luthor hates Superman, Lex Luthor hates the Justice League, bla bla bla… You know who Lex must really hate? Bruce Wayne.

Because he knows that bitch is Batman. He’d worked it through that big brain of his and he’s without a doubt certain that the same idiot who spilled champagne on him last New Year’s Eve moonlights as the Batman.

But he can’t fucking prove it. So he’s resigned to a lifetime of having to make stilted conversation filled with double meaning while Brucie just flutters his eyelashes and pretends to be a ditz. And Lex just has to sit there and take it, because Bruce knows that Lex knows and absolutely uses that knowledge to fuck with Alex at every opportunity—he says the absolute shittest, godawful pickup lines and flirts to his heart’s content, knowing full well that he helped Superman kick Lex’s ass last week and that Lex knows it was him.

Dick being a happy older brother…

Damian no

Jason: my traumas, my jokes