Oliver: Want to hear my British accent?
Bruce: No.
Oliver: I’m going to do it anyway. Hey mate, fancy some beans on toast?
Bruce noticed Alfred pause his dusting, visibly straining to keep from hitting Oliver.
Bruce: Carry on.
Oliver: It’s nice out today, innit? Such a lovely Chewsday!
In a swift motion, Alfred grabbed a serving tray and knocked it against Oliver's head, sending the man sprawling forward onto the table, unconscious.
Alfred (muttering under his breath): Bloody American.
Bruce took a silent sip of his tea, trying to mask his amusement while Alfred took an early break.
jason [monologuing]: — after me there aren’t any other robins hurt at the hands of the joker, and i intend to keep it that way
tim [remembering the joker junior incident]: sure…
jason: wdym by that replacement?.. robin? tim what are you talking about!??
You know the “Dad, How Do I?” YouTube channel? Yeah, that, but with Red Hood, and they’re unlisted videos that Crime Alley residents share with each other.
It started with goons stealthily taking videos of Red Hood ranting about shitty drug quality that they upload under the title “Boss on drug quality control,” primarily for other goons so that anyone can tell if the supplies have been cut with something and don’t need to waste time asking Hood.
Then videos from civilians start popping up too, featuring Red Hood lecturing street kids titled things like “RH on staying warm in winter” and “RH on how not to get mugged.”
Memorably, there’s a video titled “RH on classic literature (y’all did RH go to college???? Is our crime lord a lit major???)” where Red Hood imparts upon some kids the importance of reading. After a very positive reception, the uploader goes back to Red Hood, asks about a book they’re reading for school, and gets a whole lecture on themes and whatnot. It does numbers and becomes a series, and this time Hood knows the camera exists (he’s always known they exist, he just couldn’t be bothered to acknowledge them) and actually talks to it.
(Jason will do anything to help these children, whether it’s giving them a leg up in school, giving the street kids who aren’t in school some semblance of an education, or teaching them how to shank someone trying to traffic them.)
Red Hood never uploads any videos himself, but it doesn’t matter. Crime Alley crowd sourced its own version of Khan academy and it’s better for it.
wave with his critters
Jason: Hey, Alfie! Which of us was the least crazy as a kid?
Bruce: Let’s face it. None of us were easy children. I dropped out of college and then dropped off the grid. Dick was a menace—
Jason: Nah, Dick’s the Golden Boy.
Bruce: He wanted to single-handedly hunt down a powerful criminal and thought the entire manor was a trapeze.
Dick: Well, Jason was like the perfect kid.
Bruce: He ran away, died, and started murdering people.
Jason: Fair. But the Replacement’s your perfect little soldier, isn’t he?
Bruce: He stalked me, he says incredibly concerning things with no idea how concerning he sounds, he started YOUNG JUSTICE, I—
Damian: Batgirl III is boring. Surely she was easy to deal with?
Bruce: Are you kidding me? She got pregnant and started a gang war!
Steph: Guilty as charged. But Duke’s the normal one, so—
Bruce: You started a gang war? Duke started a gang!
Damian: I’m the perfect heir.
Bruce: You’re an assassin who is currently attempting to turn my house into a zoo. And you keep trying to murder Tim.
Jason: Eh, we’ve all been there. Except Cass. Cass hasn’t tried to murder anyone.
Bruce: Cass tried to fight Lady Shiva to the death, despite refusing to kill. Cass is not well-adjusted either.
Cass: Barbara is good.
Bruce: No, she keeps hacking the Batcomputer. And she’s dating my son. Honestly I have no idea how I’m still sane.
Alfred: I’m afraid your sanity is very much in question, Master Bruce.
i want to say someone posted about this before but i can’t find it so here goes:
days after Dick Grayson turns 18, some trashy gossip rag has some article just gushing over how sexy he is. they can’t stop talking about how hot he is now that he’s legal. they talk how about how they’ve all been counting down the days (a la mary kate and ashley olsen) and now he’s fair game.
and Bruce. is. furious.
he storms into his attorney’s office in a rage, demands to send them a cease and desist. he calls the editor of the magazine and tells him that if his son’s name is ever in their magazine again, Bruce will buy the company and burn it to the ground
Dick pretends he doesn’t notice but he’s secretly very grateful.
more of the amnesia incident* au (first post)
these tags are from @solarkindred, thanks for the coolio headcanons my brotha 👍
also stink comic thing i unintentionally made it wasnt meant to be one
tags from @radioactiverats thanks for more coolio headcanons my guy 👍
tags kind related to this pic? like the yapping teenagers part ig yeah
(i had a fun time drawing his eyes here :D ) i think Meg is that one person thats so awkward and quiet and a COMPLETE LOSER when hes around people he doesnt know, but when he gets to know them more then hes legit unrecognisable like he goes from "oh, hi....." to "OMG HEY GUYYYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!" literally me with my school frfr
switcheroo part 2 electric boogaloo (soundwave edition)
for those of you who were wondering, yes soundwave is still the most loyal hes just a flamboyant conniving megalomaniac, and yes starscream is still traitorous hes just calculating and methodical and very very patient
part 3
Mark Hamill - The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978)
I find the fact that the closest mountain point on earth to the moon, the highest mountain and the tallest mountain are 3 different mountains to be a tiny bit disturbing
Yeah... yeah this seems to check out
if you told vin diesel fast and the furious you were gay he'd be like "Some people like driving stick…some people like driving automatic…what matters is you cross the finish line.." and then he'd rev up a dodge challenger and drive through a building and kill 16 people