Red Hood: Kill The Joker!

This

Our fandom forbearers did NOT suffer through Anne Rice, strikethrough, and other bullshit for fucking ACOTAR and Harry Potter fans to fucking ruin it for all of us by selling fanfiction. I am not losing novel length yaoi epics because some of you don't know how to act in fannish spaces and yes I do blame the booktokification of fanfic but I also blame those of you that treat fandom like content to consume and not a community to engage with.

Dick: So, you know how I’m part of an online circus?

Jason: What the actual hell is an online circus?

Dick, exuberant: It’s like... an on-demand Cirque du Soleil! People book us for events—birthdays, concerts, whatever—and performers log in from all over the world.

Jason: ...so you have clowns.

Dick, visibly sweating: Well, it’s more than clowns! We have aerialists, jugglers, fire-eaters—

Jason, standing up, looming over Dick: But you have clowns.

Dick, desperate backpedal mode: Technically, yes. But they’re like artistic clowns. Highbrow. Minimal honking.

Jason: Minimal honking? You’re telling me there’s still honking?

Dick, defensive: Controlled honking. Tasteful honks only.

Jason, crossing his arms: Joker-level honks?

Dick, horrified: Joker doesn’t even have a clown permit! He’s not qualified.

Jason: He went to clown school.

Dick: No, he shot up a clown school. That’s different.

Jason, sitting back down: You know why this pisses me off.

Dick, quietly: Yeah, I do.

Jason: It’s weird, right?

Dick: Super weird.

Jason: Sometimes I feel like you should be more messed up about clowns. Like, my level of messed up.

Dick: I know, bud.

Jason: It’s just... I feel alone in this whole clown thing.

Dick: You’re not alone. Gotham as a whole has a no-clown policy. Did you know circus clowns refuse to work here?

Jason: Of course. Otherwise, your little e-circus would’ve been torched.

Dick: By Joker?

Jason, thinking about that one time he shot up a department store window for displaying clown shoes: Uh... yeah. Yeah, Joker.

Dick: Well, for what it’s worth, you’d be great in the online circus.

Jason, deadpan: You saying I’m a clown?

Dick, grinning: No, but you are a high-value performer. People would pay top dollar to see Red Hood juggle guns.

Jason, pulling a gun from his holster and spinning it effortlessly: You mean like this?

Dick, mock clapping: Bravo! Now add some honking, and you’re ready for the big leagues.

Jason, standing up, gun still in hand: You have three seconds to run.

Dick, already halfway out the door: for the record, I'm a performer, so this retreat is performative and just to keep you happy-slash-entertained

Jason: get out!

Dick 9 times out of 10 failing to hide a severe injury from the rest of the batfam because without fail when he’s tired or drugged or generally not firing on all cylinders his native accent comes out as thick as the day he met Bruce.

- - -

Bruce: Dick come down for a check up I saw you take that hit for Tim.

Dick, halfway towards the cave exit and still going, in the quietest voice possible: im fine

Bruce: Say squirrel and you can leave.

Dick:

Bruce:

Jason:

Tim:

Damien:

Dick: …skweeerrehl.

Jason: Get him boys.

DPxDC Legal Power

Batman: You can not punish the Joker

Batman: You are no judge, jury, and executioner

Danny Fenton, standing over Joker's beaten body: Actually, I am

Danny Fenton, raising the Creep Stick up: I am the High King of Infinite Realms, and this bitch has been resurrected more than once

Danny Fenton, smacking Joker like a piñata: With the use of a pool of some nasty smelling ecto, mind you, but it puts him under my jurisdiction nonetheless

Danny Fenton, smiling at Batman as Joker is wheezing and trying to crawl away: So I am the judge, jury, and executioner for him since I'm the highest power in a Realm where he is a denizen

Danny Fenton, catching the Joker by the ankle and dragging him back: And as the King, I hereby sentence him to death by a repetitive use of The Creep Stick over his whole body

Batman: ...

Red Hood, with a bowl of popcorn: Do you mind switching The Creep Stick for a crowbar?

small httyd animation i made for class! (with sfx)

Ngl I lost count of how many of these I've reblogged today... eh it's fine

Bruce: Congratulations, Jason! You’re the first of my kids to graduate college!

Dick: Yeah, first and only one for all eternity!

Bruce: *Ignoring Dick by sheer willpower* Anyway, what are you planning to do next?

Jason: I think I’m going to continue my education in English Lit.

Bruce: *nervously* Great. You’ll get a Master’s Degree, right?

Jason: …

Bruce: …right?

Jason: Actually, I’m going for a PhD.

Bruce: This is a terrible joke. You’re over the supervillainy, right, Jay?

Jason: Look, my application to GothamU’s PhD program was accepted!

Bruce: No child! Of mine! Will get! A PhD!!!

Jason: I’m hoping to be a literature professor at GothamU, if I survive long enough.

Bruce: *screams incoherently*

Dick: I think you broke him.

Demon: Hey, I took your soul last month and-

Tim: No returns.

Demon: *sobbing* But it's making me sad…

Harley (dieting for three days): If I don’t eat something that’s not celery… I’m going to snap.

Her eyes darted to Jason, who was savoring a cheeseburger. He chewed slowly, oblivious to Harley’s hungry gaze fixed on him. She smacked her lips staring at the burger he tried to hide his meal.

Harley: Give me that cheeseburger!

With a burst of energy, Harley pounced on Jason, knocking them both to the ground as she wrestled him for the burger while he tried to crawl away, pushing her back.

Jason: I spent a lot of money on this!

Harley: Let me have at least one bun!

Jason: Just stop dieting already! You look fine!

Artemis (sarcastically, while cleaning a gun): Oh sure, because that’s going to fix everything.

Jason: Why did you decide to diet during a mission?!

Harley (attempting to swipe the burger away): I have to go to an awards show; just let me have a bit!

Roy (while reading): Harley, you have to fight the urges.

Artemis: You should know—

Roy: Don’t finish that sentence.

Jason, being dragged away while holding the burger, pleaded for help.

Jason: Could one of you help me?!

Bizarro walked over to the scuffle, effortlessly lifting Harley as if she were a backpack and shoving Jason's burger into her mouth.

Bizarro: It’s not a veggie burger, as well.

Harley (with her mouth full): Good lookin' out, buddy.

Batfam meets the Justice League fic idea where it's actually just Oliver Queen in Star City attempting to hunt down Red Hood (who isn't even there doing crimes actually, he's just visiting Roy, but Ollie doesn't know this) except every time he tracks him down, he finds another costumed vigilante (Read: Batfam) attempting to get his help for something.

And like, Ollie recognizes them, of course. Because isn't that Nightwing? Nightwing who is actively on the Justice League? Why is he asking an infamous crime lord to come home for dinner?

And then, a week later, he's tracking down another Red Hood sighting and.... that's Red Robin. He's in charge of Young Justice, isn't he? And he just fought Red Hood in an alley and then stood up like nothing happened and bugged him for intelligence on a case he's working, and Red Hood gave it to him?

And it just keeps going down the list until Ollie's at his wits end and partially convinced that a handful of vigilantes on various teams, who he can't for the life of him think of a way they might be connected, might actually be corrupt and working with the mob, then he (begrudgingly) follows reports of another sighting of Red Hood and... that's Batman, arguing with Red Hood but not actually fighting or detaining him, so Ollie sneaks closer and listens to the conversation and... it's the dinner thing again. Family dinner, he hears a few seconds later, and someone named Agent A would really like it if Hood came home for a few hours.

Ollie leaves that situation somehow far more confused than when he started, and he was already extremely confused.

Roy is fully aware that this is happening the entire time and is having the time of his life.

Imagine:

The JJ incident happens after Bruce disappears into the time stream, and before Tim gets kicked from Robin. Due to dick being spread so thin and Tim(Headcannon) Being antisocial and disappearing for days on end due to being used to solitude, this sudden disappearance goes overlooked until the joker starts jeering at batman any time he sees him, making jokes about how his new son is better now that that Robin mentality has been removed. Dick panics, searches high and low through Tim's normal hiding spots and finds nothing. Instead of Harley having taken Tim in this au I like the idea that she had left the joker when Tim first became Robin though the joker kidnaps her and manipulated/brainwashes her while he's ruining Tim too. Tim kills the joker like usual but he also throws Harley into a rehab center, before dick can talk to Tim he runs off to find Bruce.

Ooooooooh!

The best part about this is that Tim chucks Harley into a rehab center before diping. He's all like, "Damn. That was traumatic. You'll definitely need some help with that. Not me, though."

He can't even glance at himself in the mirror now, but he's fine. He's gotta go pick up Bruce from the timestream daycare.

There is one plot hole, though. Does Joker taunt Dick, Tim kills Joker, Tim leaves, and then Dick searches for Tim?

That'd be hella interesting.

Also, since JJ is so fresh, what if Ra's dunked Tim in the slime juice? Would Tim's mind just shatter?

Poor Tim. He's grieving the loss of 1.7 dads (Bruce isn't actually dead, and Joker isn't technically his dad either), maybe was told he's losing it by Dick before Joker forces him to actually lose it, and has the guilt/relief of killing Joker on his hands.

I would be interested in seeing Tim trying to cope with JJ as he travels. He sees JJ transposed over his image in reflections out of the corner of his eye. He hears the sound of electricity when he tries to sleep. Laughter echoes in museums and the cave. No matter what disguise he wears, it's difficult to stop smiling. The smell of face paint and bleach is ever present.

Anyways, I'd so be down to read a fic about JJ: Red Robim edition.