The Justice League Sees Batman Periodically Updating A Database Of His, At The Oddest Of Times, And Naturally

"The sky was lonely, and you were the tail that I wanted."

Understandable, Alfred is a bad ass and terrifying, we respect Alfred Pennyworth

Imagine: Bruce gets the ability to see people's kill counts

He's not surprised to see that Damian's and Jason's are pretty high.

He's not surprised to see that Dick's is pretty low, for a vigilante.

He's shocked to see that Tim's is way higher than he'd thought (he would be asking about that later...).

He faints when he sees Alfred's.

Kon... run

Gotta say I love me some timkon

the thing is, if Bruce plays his cards right, he could get all of his kids in leadership and/or hereditary positions in all of the major superhero, vigilante, and business organizations in the world.

Damian - Head of the League of Assassins, hereditary title from his Mother and/or Grandfather.

Dick - Leader of the Titans, and then potentially the Justice League later. Head of WE’s fundraising arm briefly. Possible option for a politically appointed GCPD or BHPD position.

Tim - takes over as Leader of the Titans when Dick moves into the JL. Head of Wayne Industries/Enterprises/Etc. Influential person to Kon-El and Lex Luthor, by proxy.

Jason - Leader of various Gotham underground organizations, crime syndicates, anywhere in the Underworld that’s useful to Bruce.

Dick 9 times out of 10 failing to hide a severe injury from the rest of the batfam because without fail when he’s tired or drugged or generally not firing on all cylinders his native accent comes out as thick as the day he met Bruce.

- - -

Bruce: Dick come down for a check up I saw you take that hit for Tim.

Dick, halfway towards the cave exit and still going, in the quietest voice possible: im fine

Bruce: Say squirrel and you can leave.

Dick:

Bruce:

Jason:

Tim:

Damien:

Dick: …skweeerrehl.

Jason: Get him boys.

Ngl I lost count of how many of these I've reblogged today... eh it's fine

Bruce: Congratulations, Jason! You’re the first of my kids to graduate college!

Dick: Yeah, first and only one for all eternity!

Bruce: *Ignoring Dick by sheer willpower* Anyway, what are you planning to do next?

Jason: I think I’m going to continue my education in English Lit.

Bruce: *nervously* Great. You’ll get a Master’s Degree, right?

Jason: …

Bruce: …right?

Jason: Actually, I’m going for a PhD.

Bruce: This is a terrible joke. You’re over the supervillainy, right, Jay?

Jason: Look, my application to GothamU’s PhD program was accepted!

Bruce: No child! Of mine! Will get! A PhD!!!

Jason: I’m hoping to be a literature professor at GothamU, if I survive long enough.

Bruce: *screams incoherently*

Dick: I think you broke him.

“Fatherless behavior” stop giving my DAD credit for all the work my MOM put into making me a terrible person!! Stop erasing women in history!!

[Dick’s Teen Titans era]

Donna: Gonna have to wash this blanket to get rid of that new smell.

Kory: *makes a note that humans prefer to mark objects with familiar scents*

—

Wally: Gotta love that new car smell.

Kory: *scratches out previous note and replaces it with a question mark*

—

Roy: Old books smell so good.

Kory: *increasingly frustrated note taking*

—

Dick: Mmm love that new book smell.

Kory: WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?

Don’t Mess with Tim Drake or his family will deal with you: Kylar

Wayne Manor - a spacious living room filled with elegant furniture. The afternoon sun casts warm shadows across the room.

Dick sat on the couch, a concerned look on his face. Tim sat next to him, visibly distressed and wiping tears from his eyes.

Dick (comforting): It's gonna be okay, Tim.

Tim (voice shaky): I usually can handle it, but… who the hell pours paint thinner on someone’s car?

Suddenly, the front door swung open with a loud bang, startling them. Jason strode in, exuding casual bravado.

Jason (playfully): Hey, assholes, how’s it—

He stopped upon seeing Tim’s tear-streaked face.

Jason (concerned): Why is Tim crying?

Dick (glancing at Tim): Somebody's been picking on him at work for being bi.

Jason’s demeanor shifted instantly, becoming serious.

Jason (intently): What?

Jason pulled out his cell phone.

Tim (sniffling): His name is Kylar. I reported him, but they say there’s no proof. I just have to wait and see what he does next.

A dry chuckle escaped Jason’s lips as he turned the phone towards Tim, displaying a photo of a frat boy type with a smug grin.

Jason (smirking): This him?

Tim (nodding): Y-Yes.

Jason (confidently): Sweet. He lives close by. I’ll be back.

Jason grabs one of Nightwing’s Escrima sticks and exits.

Dick (concerned): Where is he going?

Dick turned to Tim, who was still sobbing.

Dick (comfortingly): I’ll help you feel better.

Twenty minutes pass. Dick and Tim remain on the couch, the mood heavy.

Tim (regretfully): I should’ve never told them who Bernard was. Kylar made a bunch of homophobic jokes...

Dick (reassuring): Tim, it’s not your fault. This guy was always like that. He’s disgusting.

Tim (sighing): I’m sick of dealing with it.

Dick (calmly): Just tell Dad what happened.

Tim (defiantly): I can handle this on my own.

Dick (jokingly): What about giving him one quick bop on the face?

Tim (laughing softly): Violence isn’t going to help. I’d look bad.

Their conversation is interrupted by the front door slamming open again.

Dick (frustrated): Jason, seriously?

Jason returns, dragging a beaten Kylar into the room. Tim's eyes widen in shock.

Jason (excitedly): Timmy, I got a present for ya!

Kylar looks battered, with a black eye and bruises.

Jason (commandingly): Apologize.

Kylar (trembling): I’m sorry for what I said at work.

Jason (twisting Kylar’s arm): And?

Kylar (gasping): I’ll pay for the damages to your car!

Jason (menacingly): And you won’t bother him at work again, or I will ‘accidentally’ hit you with my car.

Kylar (defeated): Yes! Just let me go home!

Jason releases Kylar, who stumbles out, tears streaming down his face. He laughs as Kylar leaves.

Jason (turning to Tim): You good?

Tim (smiling despite the situation): Um... yes, actually.

Jason patted Tim on back then left.

Jason (over his shoulder): I’m ‘borrowing’ Bruce’s car for the day. Bye!

Dick turned to Tim.

Dick (apologetically): I’m sorry he did that—

Tim (smiling): On second thought… I’m glad he did something crazy this time.

Dick (chuckling): What happened to no violence?

Tim (light-heartedly): He’s more intimidating than both of us. Kylar got the message.

Dick (smiling): If he messes with you again, don’t worry—we’ve got your back.

Tim (softening): I appreciate that a lot.

The brothers shared a moment of laughter, the strength of their bond evident in the warmth of the living room.

Much like Battinson is the opposite of the slutty womanizer socialite we usually think Bruce is, my headcanon about the new Superman is that he's the opposite of the dork shy nerd we usually think about Clark Kent.

So for me this new Clark is a bisexual disaster with much more experience he would admit as a polite midwestern.

I can picture him rollerskating 80s style, in shorts and crop top, big headphones on, sweaty scatterd curls...

Just umparalled unashamed sluttines. All Smallville eyes are glued on him.

Poor Kents had to send him study in Metropolis because people started to talk - not about his superpowers though.

He's a menace and he needs to be contained.