Imagine Being Alfred During Batman Begins When Bruce Leaves To “find Himself.” Alfred Is Worried,

Batman: "Suspect's headed down eighth street. I'll let you know when we have him"

Gordon: "Wait, if you're here, who's in pursuit of the suspect?"

Batman, getting out his grapple gun: "Robin."

Gordon, having heart palpitations. "The eight year old?? Can he even look over the dash?" *realizes Batman's gone* "All units be advised, clear the road for the Batmobile."

Dispatch: "No need for that, Batmobile hasn't left anything to clear."

Gordon: *downs BP meds* "10-4."

Hilariously funny that they let the guy known for wandering off without warning to look at birds was allowed to do this

My concept for Al ghuls in the caped crusader would be this

Image its them first discovering the Lazarus pit and the beginning of the league of assassins he’s actually normal age because it takes place in the 40,s

Bruce: A memo from the Justice League.

Bruce, reading from a paper: Due to elevating cursing from the other heroes that we believe is coming from batfamily, we now are changing the way things are phrased.

Bruce, to Jason: “Ask me if I give a fuck” will be now “Of course I’m concerned.”

Jason:

Bruce, to Tim: “Who gives a shit?” is now “I wasn’t involved in that.”

Tim: *nods*

Bruce, to Stephanie: “Kiss my ass” is now “I don’t think you understand.”

Stephanie: Okay.

Bruce, to Dick: “Suck my dick” is now “Have a nice day.”

Dick:

Bruce, to Damian: And finally “Who the hell died and made you boss?” is now “You want me to take care of this?”

Damian: Yes, Father.

Duke: Bruce, you want me to write a reply email from you about this?

Bruce: Yes, please reply: “To the Justice League, of course I’m concerned. You want me to take care of this? While I wasn’t involved in that, I feel you should reverse these changes as I don’t think you understand. Have a nice day.”

The batkids: *snickering*

Alfred: That’s my boy.

Selina: I love you.

Junior turns on his heels, a manic grin spread wide accross his cheeks. Scars of a grotesque smile pull in a permanent mimicry of happiness as a hysterical giggle filters through his lips.

"What do you get, when the Sun disappears?"

The captured Kryptonian blinks, "what?"

JJ's grin grows impossibly wider, "A dead Super."

Superman gulps.

Looks are exchanged amongst the league and bats, confusion marring the gazes of all but one- Batman, who watches the proceedings with a sense of dreaded resignation.

"Hello, JJ."

Joker Junior grins delightedly, "Hello Batsy!"

"JJ, what are you doing here? Could you take your pills- or at least give control back to Tim, please?"

JJ merely smiles in response, before turning to Nightwing, arms swinging widely at his side as he does. "Nighty Nighty, what do you get, When a birdie leaves the nest?"

Nightwing frowns in confusion. "What, Tim?- what's going on?" JJ giggles in response. "Wrong!!! Nighty Nighty when the birdie takes flighty, does he find accused insanity. Nighty Nighty do you like reality?" Nightwing stares, befuddled, into Tim’s manic gaze. "Tim-"

"Nuh-uh. I'm fronting now. You wanted insanity and now your wish came true- turn that frown, upside down!! Daddy does so love a smile. He cut one for me, see?" At the words, Tim gestures to his scarred face.

The assembled (captured) heroes only manage to stare in confused horror as Bruce closes his eyes in resignation.

"Junior,"

"Yes Batsy?"

"Could you let us go?"

Junior hummed, peering at Batman for a moment, before grinning again, body moving in a mockery of a fluttering bird, "What do you get, when packaged is insanity?"

Bruce looks at him helplessly, "I don't know. What?"

JJ's grin takes an increasingly sinister edge, "a birthday present." Bruce winces in response. "Ah."

A confused Green Lantern cuts in, "Bats? What's he on about?"

Bruce grunts, shifts, and then sighs. Regret tinges his voice as he speaks. "It appears... Junior is taking revenge on Tim's behalf."

Junior cackles. "Batsy, Batsy. Theres a nugget of thought after all- you should drip it till it falls..."

I think there should be more fics about Gothamites talking back to the bats - specifically Batman

“Get inside” “you’re not my dad”

“Stop trying to fight the joker, PLEASE” “fuck you, I do what I want”

“The streets aren’t safe tonight” “bro it’s Thursday, one of chillest days. Please shut the fuck up about telling me about gotham like I wasn’t born here thanks”

If the Marvel and DC universes came together, who would be friends with who and what would it be like?

Bruce Wayne and Tony Stark would have the most complicated dynamic. Iron Man and Batman have a longstanding frenemy-like feud over who’s the better tech hero, but the public lowkey ships the billionaires. In reality it’s more like Bruce bringing his kids and a plate of Alfred’s deviled eggs to the Stark family’s Sunday brunches and they complain about “kids these days” over mimosas. Pepper and Selina laugh at the men in their lives while Alfred and Rhodey just give each other knowing looks

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Bruce doesn’t often give out hugs because they are the most powerful device in all of the dc universe.

One hug from this mammoth of a man will have you feeling the most comfort you’ve ever felt in your entire life. He’s bigger than most people so it completely engulfs you, it’s warm, and he squeezes everyone the right amount.

He’s got the art of hugging down to a science and he doesn’t even know it. All of his kids are too stubborn to ask for a hug and whenever he gives them out spontaneously they go silent in his hold, making him think that he’s bad at giving them.

It’s truly a powerful weapon.

The batkids also don’t ask for hugs often cause if they did they would always forgive Bruce. They wanna stay angry just a while longer.

Bruce not experiencing Damian’s baby and toddler years was probably for the best, because can you imagine how sickeningly sweet and positively over-the-top he would’ve been?

Damian would’ve been dressed in those adorable animal, character, and theme onesies. Halloween? Pumpkin that baby. Christmas? Lil baby angel outfit. Hanukkah? You’re a latke now, sweet boy. It’s Tuesday? Guess you’re a starfish today, baby. A limitless amount of adorable, ridiculous outfits.

And don’t let the facade of high-society sophistication and propriety fool you—Bruce would’ve been calling that baby everything but his name. Stinky man, my lil boo boo, baby boy, sweetheart, goober. When Damian sees a cow for the first time and goes “moo”? Guess your name’s Moo Moo now. What? I could just call him Dami? No, thank you. His name is Squish today. He will be Chubby Bunny tomorrow. No, I am not taking notes or suggestions.

Randos trying to touch or hold Damian? Be prepared to catch a whole Batfamily’s worth of hands. No, don’t look at my baby—bitch, I said don’t look at my baby. See, you looked at him, and now I have to buy your whole life on a discount. Look at what you made me do.

AU where bruce and co. (his entire hoarde of kids, even jason in disguise) are at a gala. And it's a really big gala, party of the year type of thing in Gotham, absolutely unmissable. And usually, even the rogues know that this night is off limits, so it's relatively safe. So, they're all at this gala, right?

And then the joker crashes it because he has no respect for Gotham traditions. Breaks in through a window, yada yada. He starts to go on this whole villain speech as per usual, and everyone is waiting for the heroes to come. But all the heroes are at the gala, in their civilian identities, with a thousand eyes on them. No one can reasonably slip away, except for maybe jason, who's already seething mad and ready to attack. But with the chaos and people trying to get away, all the exits are blocked, and his helmet is at home.

Bruce is at the front of the crowd, facing the Joker. Joker sees him and makes a comment about Jason, and goes on about how Bruce must've felt when his baby died. And then he brings up how he killed the little birdie too, just a few days before the terrorist attacks that allegedly killed Jason. And he mentions how much he tortured Robin before his death, and Bruce snaps.

He leaps forward, absolutely hammering the shit out of the joker. Beats him up so bad, no finesse or technique to it, just pure rage. His kids try to pull him off, to no avail. No one else even tries. By the end of it, by the time the police arrive, the joker is more blood than body, and Bruce has finally calmed down. Everyone is just staring at him in shock, understandably. (The joker ends up in hospital, paralysed and in a coma)

His kids all drag Bruce home and give him an entire lecture about his persona and how his cover has probably been blown. About excessive violence and how he refused to kill joker but then pulled this in public?? They're all worried about the fallout in the news the next day.

No one sleeps that night, for various reasons, but then when the newspaper comes out the next morning... there's just nothing bad written?? The headline is something about Bruce being a hero for saving everyone from the joker, but there's no other mention about Batman or anything else.

Turns out, no one in Gotham is surprised that Brucie Wayne, no 1 airhead, beat up the joker because "did you SEE him as a teenager?? We were all just glad when he came from his travels pretending to be stupid instead of picking fights with everyone. If anything, it's understandable that he snapped, I would too if a clown started bragging about killing my son." The only reason no one brought up his violent past is because they were worried he would revert back to that behaviour.