Canon Can Suck My Dick Off.

wayne family adventures + text posts: batkid edition

(batman edition)

tim drake 🤝 stages of decay as a bisexual crowd pleaser 🤝 bruce wayne

Fashion meme with the Batfam 

I think there should be more fics about Gothamites talking back to the bats - specifically Batman

“Get inside” “you’re not my dad”

“Stop trying to fight the joker, PLEASE” “fuck you, I do what I want”

“The streets aren’t safe tonight” “bro it’s Thursday, one of chillest days. Please shut the fuck up about telling me about gotham like I wasn’t born here thanks”

switcheroo part 2 electric boogaloo (soundwave edition)

for those of you who were wondering, yes soundwave is still the most loyal hes just a flamboyant conniving megalomaniac, and yes starscream is still traitorous hes just calculating and methodical and very very patient

part 3

Batman has a very specific code that's on everyone's communicator that he warns the JL to 'Never tap into it unless I'm indisposed and the world is 2 seconds away from ending'

Fast forward a few years and batman is knocked out cold and the world is 2 seconds away from ending when one JL member rmbers batman's 'very important do not tap unless absolutely necessary' button

So obviously the JL taps it expecting some god or smth and who else picks up but a woman who's simultaneously yelling commands,tapping aggressively at what they assume to be a keyboard and calmly telling them that she's Oracle,that she's already linked every person on the battlefield's comms to the 'batfamily comms'(direct wording) and that she's sending reinforcements as they speak

Then,while the JL is still in shock,Red Hood the fucking drug lord lands beside them and starts shooting up enemies,Nightwing is futher back backflipping,Red Robin is doing his shit

A mysterious black cowled girl pops up beside them and starts gently telling(ordering) them to specific parts of the battlefield(Hal gets so spooked he screams),a fully purple girl is beating enemies up next to them,a guy in neon yellow is punting enemies to the ground.

And some random ass 10 y/o is screaming bloody murder as he incapcitates enemies thrice his size

Edit: in case people don't see my reblog about it,i've been seeing a bunch of reblogs/comments about seeing this post on tiktok,tiktok is banned where I'm at so it's definitely not me,so do me a favor and report them thank you ( ദ്ദി ˙ᗜ˙ )

(also you can use this post as a prompt,but please credit me thanks ᐠ( ᐛ )ᐟ)

wayne family adventures + text posts: batman edition

its my bisexual right to make superbat and batcat jokes in the same post. btw.

(batkids edition)

+bonus alfred (tw suicide joke)

Jim Gordon was only on duty during a storm, only to see a familar scene..

He was tracking down two shady people in that slipped into Crime Alley, only to lose them a bit, trying to gained speed on where they went, he turned to the alley except he heard a familar sound coming from a certain alley.

A little boy. Black hair, blue eyes, sobbing in the middle of a dirty floor. He was wearing a overgrown suit that look like it was made for a celebration.

Jim check his watch to see the date, April 28.

The Day that Thomas and Martha was gunned down in this very alley..

Gordon thought it was Bruce's innerchild spirit that die on this day. He walk up to the poor spirit and crouch down and give him a hug.

The boy was iced cold, tiny hands clinging onto his trenchcoat. Whispering heartfelt words that encourage Bruce's inner child unless in the past.

He has seen how Bruce today has grown up into the man he is, surrounded by children with similar situations and be the Justice of the night.

He didn't know how long he hugged the crying spirit, before he noticed the boy had stop crying, seamingly disappeared from his arms.

He hoped that it did the child in Bruce's heart justice in his mind..

As he got up, and walked out of that alley..

Unaware that the white ghost boy is floating about, following him intangible as he rubbed his red eyes, with a silent sniff.

Official one shot story made here<-

Junior turns on his heels, a manic grin spread wide accross his cheeks. Scars of a grotesque smile pull in a permanent mimicry of happiness as a hysterical giggle filters through his lips.

"What do you get, when the Sun disappears?"

The captured Kryptonian blinks, "what?"

JJ's grin grows impossibly wider, "A dead Super."

Superman gulps.

Looks are exchanged amongst the league and bats, confusion marring the gazes of all but one- Batman, who watches the proceedings with a sense of dreaded resignation.

"Hello, JJ."

Joker Junior grins delightedly, "Hello Batsy!"

"JJ, what are you doing here? Could you take your pills- or at least give control back to Tim, please?"

JJ merely smiles in response, before turning to Nightwing, arms swinging widely at his side as he does. "Nighty Nighty, what do you get, When a birdie leaves the nest?"

Nightwing frowns in confusion. "What, Tim?- what's going on?" JJ giggles in response. "Wrong!!! Nighty Nighty when the birdie takes flighty, does he find accused insanity. Nighty Nighty do you like reality?" Nightwing stares, befuddled, into Tim’s manic gaze. "Tim-"

"Nuh-uh. I'm fronting now. You wanted insanity and now your wish came true- turn that frown, upside down!! Daddy does so love a smile. He cut one for me, see?" At the words, Tim gestures to his scarred face.

The assembled (captured) heroes only manage to stare in confused horror as Bruce closes his eyes in resignation.

"Junior,"

"Yes Batsy?"

"Could you let us go?"

Junior hummed, peering at Batman for a moment, before grinning again, body moving in a mockery of a fluttering bird, "What do you get, when packaged is insanity?"

Bruce looks at him helplessly, "I don't know. What?"

JJ's grin takes an increasingly sinister edge, "a birthday present." Bruce winces in response. "Ah."

A confused Green Lantern cuts in, "Bats? What's he on about?"

Bruce grunts, shifts, and then sighs. Regret tinges his voice as he speaks. "It appears... Junior is taking revenge on Tim's behalf."

Junior cackles. "Batsy, Batsy. Theres a nugget of thought after all- you should drip it till it falls..."

Bruce has come back from the time stream, and he has never been more disappointed in Tim than right now.

He was brought back by the Justice League, and when he finally got back to Gotham, Tim was nowhere to be found.

Tim hadn't even tried to bring him back.

In fact, Tim had abandoned the hero scene altogether.

Tim. The boy who had sworn that the only way he'd leave the caped life was if he was dead.

Dick is being tight lipped and refusing to say anything on the matter.

Damian clearly knows what's going on but, oddly, refuses to say anything either.

Oracle completely ignores Bruce when he asks, at one point just pretending like he wasn't talking at all.

Cass, however, isn't putting any effort into pretending he isn't asking and is instead completely avoiding him.

Alfred seems to be in the same boat as him, deliberately kept in the dark.

There has to be some sort of reason for it, and Bruce is certain that it's the same reason for all of the avoidance, lies, and Tim's disappearance.

So, against everyone's wishes, he investigates.

Tim isn't in the Manor. Tim isn't in any of his safehouses.

Tim is, in fact, in one of...Jason's safehouses?

After covertly watching from a distance, Bruce discovers three things.

First; while Jason does not appear to be on good terms with Tim, he does view Tim as someone under his protection.

Second; Jason must be getting feedback from Oracle, because Red Hood always finds Batman in five minutes or less when he starts a stake out on Tim.

Third; There are babies in that safehouse. Not toddlers; babies.

He saw one of them through the reinforced window, floating a good two feet off the crib before a panicked and exhausted Tim had snatched it out of the air.

Tim...what has Tim done?

Bruce had heard from Clark that Tim had tried to clone Kon, but had he actually done it?

~~~~~~

While raiding Ra's bases and preparing them to blow, Tim stumbled across three babies. Triplets.

Triplets with superpowers.

Triplets that he knows, beyond the shadow of a doubt, Ra's will find again even if he buries them in the Foster system.

Plus, he's heard the horror stories of vulnerable metas fed to the Foster system at a young age.

So.

Okay.

He'll raise them himself.

He's Tim Drake, the kid that blackmailed Batman into taking him on as Robin; raising a few kids can't be that hard. He'll just take care of them during the day, nap when they do, and go do hero stuff at night.

He reaches out to the one person even Ra's would never expect him to willingly work with.

He reaches out to Red Hood.

He hires Red Hood as a bodyguard. It's a purely professional relationship.

Red Hood sets him up in the best safehouse he's got; soundproof, lead-lined walls, hidden weapon caches, the works.

Dick, Damian, and Jason himself think that Tim actually did succeed in cloning Superboy and is taking responsibility for raising the kids.

Damian may not like Drake, but he's snuck into the safehouse and met the triplets, and he may or may not be a little infatuated with them. So he'll keep the secret for them.

Dick and Jason feel like Tim is taking on too many responsibilities, and think he's clearly hiding from the Supers in that safehouse.

Oracle gets her information from Cass, who is the only one who knows the full story.

Tim, meanwhile, is learning that children are exhausting, Cass is an amazing babysitter (as is Damian, but Damian if fickle and Tim has to pretend like he doesn't know when Damian is there), and hasn't had any time, at all, to go out and do heroing stuff.

He has so much fucking empathy for Anita, right now.

He's been so involved with the triplets that he's missed key events like; Bruce coming back from the timestream, Kon and Bart coming back to life, Ra's declaring Tim his One True Heir officially, and a throuple of mad scientist super villains dropping onto the scene and making a stir.

Or; Danny, Dani, and Dan got caught by the GIW, forced into their cores, and then stolen by a league of assassins, of all things. So naturally they put a rush on getting out of their cores, because, see, assassins, but they came out way before they had enough ecto to form their actual ages. They came out as babies. Babies that were promptly treated as treasures by some creepy cult assassin man. Babies that were stolen by that assassin man's...rival? Detective? They weren't sure. But they were taken by him. And now they're being raised in a very ecto-rich city, just waiting for the day they have enough ecto to go back to their normal age. Meanwhile, Jack, Vlad, and Maddie Fenton are some of the scariest supervillains the Justice League has ever faced, and no one knows why they keep targeting US government facilities. Bart, Kon, and Cassie are lowkey convinced that Tim is dead. Constantine has a new assistant who forced herself into the position, and Jasmine Fenton is deadset on learning everything he knows to find her siblings. Booster Gold has run into two new time police, but he has no idea which future they work for; a goth teenager and a techy nerdy teenagers that wear clock amulets and keep disappearing into green portals.