Dragonboygobrrrrr - Untitled

Hiccup 100% carries around tiny paintings of his 5 kids and one dragon in a locket he made like this at all times, specifically in case one of them gets lost

It’s almost always Snotlout

Bruce would have interesting ways to discipline his kids.

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Bruce: Listen to me, Damian! You can not steal my car and drive across country to visit Jon.

Damian: Then why do I know how to drive! And my mommy says I can! You don't own me!

Bruce: Young man, when you are under my roof you will follow my-

Damian: No I don't.

Bruce: If that's how it's gonna be. *Draws a circle around Damian* Stay there for five minutes.

Damian: D-d-d-daddy?

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Dick: *swinging from the chandelier that has been pass down in Bruce's family for generations* I'm gonna swing from the chan-

Bruce: Get down here this instant!

Dick: I'm not doing anything.

Bruce: Richard Grayson

Dick: You're not my dad!

Bruce: *brings out a bag of m&ms*

Dick: What are you doing? Those are mine?

Bruce: *opens it slowly*

Dick: Bruce?

Bruce:*eats one*

Dick: STOP, I'm coming down. Don't eat them!

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Jason: You can't make me. I'm not going to the party.

Bruce: *head vein throbbing* This is important. You can't skip this event.

Jason: *shrugs* You'll have to carry me.

Bruce: *takes a deep breath and walks away*

Jason: ahah, baby.

Bruce: *comes back with a bottle of castor oil and a spoon*

Jason: You sick sick man. Fine I'll go.

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Bruce: Tim you disappoint me.

Tim: I didn't think it would blow up the Batcave. Or make mustard gas. Or create a sinkhole.

Bruce: *sighs* I have no choice. You going on a nature retreat.

Tim: Bruce!

Bruce: Over two weekends. With the Boy Scouts.

Tim: *tears glisten in his eyes* Bruce...

Bruce: As a junior member.

Tim:

Bonus

Alfred: Right! That's it, Master Bruce. *Pours a spoon of castor oil8

Bruce:

Gordon: "You busted up this warehouse because?"

Jaybin: "As you can see, it's a facility for illegal processing--"

Criminal: "Nuh-uh. You can't prove that's not baby aspirin."

Nightwing: *licks it off glove* "Oh."

Gordon:

Criminal, smugly: "What's the matter? Headache go away?"

Gordon: "Give me some of that stuff, mine's just starting."

I just KNOW the US military hates to see Batman, his kids, his black market aircraft/spacecraft, and his complete willful ignorance of any and all air traffic control regulations coming. That man is a national security nightmare for at least 7 different reasons.

FIRST POST EVER AAAAAA

Merry Chrimah everyone!!

Gdjrheuwhdj

I think more people need to play around with Damian's speech. Don't get me wrong, I love the antiquated Victorian child style of speech, but also he's a teenager that swears plenty in the comics. We really need more scenes like:

Damian: Father, I regret to inform you that I have been assigned in-school suspension for the next three days.

Bruce: What, why?!

Damian: My classmate Kevin was disparaging a female classmate for turning him down, so I called him 'a rizz-less, basic-ass neckbeard bitch' and said I was going to fuck his mom and give her a son she'd actually love.

Bruce: *is completely speechless*

Damian: That is all I needed to tell you. If you will excuse me, I have homework to complete before dinner and patrol.

Don’t Mess with Tim Drake or his family will deal with you: Kylar

Wayne Manor - a spacious living room filled with elegant furniture. The afternoon sun casts warm shadows across the room.

Dick sat on the couch, a concerned look on his face. Tim sat next to him, visibly distressed and wiping tears from his eyes.

Dick (comforting): It's gonna be okay, Tim.

Tim (voice shaky): I usually can handle it, but… who the hell pours paint thinner on someone’s car?

Suddenly, the front door swung open with a loud bang, startling them. Jason strode in, exuding casual bravado.

Jason (playfully): Hey, assholes, how’s it—

He stopped upon seeing Tim’s tear-streaked face.

Jason (concerned): Why is Tim crying?

Dick (glancing at Tim): Somebody's been picking on him at work for being bi.

Jason’s demeanor shifted instantly, becoming serious.

Jason (intently): What?

Jason pulled out his cell phone.

Tim (sniffling): His name is Kylar. I reported him, but they say there’s no proof. I just have to wait and see what he does next.

A dry chuckle escaped Jason’s lips as he turned the phone towards Tim, displaying a photo of a frat boy type with a smug grin.

Jason (smirking): This him?

Tim (nodding): Y-Yes.

Jason (confidently): Sweet. He lives close by. I’ll be back.

Jason grabs one of Nightwing’s Escrima sticks and exits.

Dick (concerned): Where is he going?

Dick turned to Tim, who was still sobbing.

Dick (comfortingly): I’ll help you feel better.

Twenty minutes pass. Dick and Tim remain on the couch, the mood heavy.

Tim (regretfully): I should’ve never told them who Bernard was. Kylar made a bunch of homophobic jokes...

Dick (reassuring): Tim, it’s not your fault. This guy was always like that. He’s disgusting.

Tim (sighing): I’m sick of dealing with it.

Dick (calmly): Just tell Dad what happened.

Tim (defiantly): I can handle this on my own.

Dick (jokingly): What about giving him one quick bop on the face?

Tim (laughing softly): Violence isn’t going to help. I’d look bad.

Their conversation is interrupted by the front door slamming open again.

Dick (frustrated): Jason, seriously?

Jason returns, dragging a beaten Kylar into the room. Tim's eyes widen in shock.

Jason (excitedly): Timmy, I got a present for ya!

Kylar looks battered, with a black eye and bruises.

Jason (commandingly): Apologize.

Kylar (trembling): I’m sorry for what I said at work.

Jason (twisting Kylar’s arm): And?

Kylar (gasping): I’ll pay for the damages to your car!

Jason (menacingly): And you won’t bother him at work again, or I will ‘accidentally’ hit you with my car.

Kylar (defeated): Yes! Just let me go home!

Jason releases Kylar, who stumbles out, tears streaming down his face. He laughs as Kylar leaves.

Jason (turning to Tim): You good?

Tim (smiling despite the situation): Um... yes, actually.

Jason patted Tim on back then left.

Jason (over his shoulder): I’m ‘borrowing’ Bruce’s car for the day. Bye!

Dick turned to Tim.

Dick (apologetically): I’m sorry he did that—

Tim (smiling): On second thought… I’m glad he did something crazy this time.

Dick (chuckling): What happened to no violence?

Tim (light-heartedly): He’s more intimidating than both of us. Kylar got the message.

Dick (smiling): If he messes with you again, don’t worry—we’ve got your back.

Tim (softening): I appreciate that a lot.

The brothers shared a moment of laughter, the strength of their bond evident in the warmth of the living room.

I actually made it comic form lmao this was fun

What would buzzfeed unsolved look like in the dcu?

“This week on Buzzfeed Unsolved, we’ll be discussing the mysterious case of Jason Todd.”

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Keep reading

I have this headcanon that Duke is like… the only person who can shit talk Damian to his face and everyone else is flabbergasted bc like- its damian, but Duke lives with the guy and actually has no chill, so Damian allows it because… Duke’s like… his closest brother because they live together.. like-

Damian: *scowling around at people at a very important social event* Dick: *trying to get him to smile* Duke: *flatly, snaps his fingers twice in Damian’s direction* Fix your face Critter Dick: *ready to hold Damian back if he attacks* Damian: *bats Duke’s hand away, but smooths out his expression and almost looks… normal* ~ Duke and Jason: *having a discussion* Damian: *walks in* D+J: *laugh* Damian: What am I missing? Duke: *without missing a beat* a few inches of height Jason: *agog* Damian: *rolls eyes* ~ Robin: I need to get to the top of that wall Signal: You do? Damn. Thats a shame. *whistles* Damian: *scowling* Duke: Do you have something to ask, short stack? Dick: *ready to intervene on Duke’s behalf* Damian: *through gritted teeth*  Could you help me up the wall, Signal? Please. Duke: *smirks. Yeets him up* Dick: *gagged* Bruce: *used to it, sighs*