I Was There

POV your on a date with me

"Yeah so Gastrodon was introduced in gen 4 of pokemon but technically it was initially in development to be added into gen 3. Its a sea slug, thought to be based on the Nudibranch by some, including myself. Oh, did I never talk to you about Nudibranches? Oh they are fantastic lil guys! There so colorful, and theres so many different kinds. Actually hold on...here ya go. What? Yeah I do keep a stack of polaroids of Nudibranches on me at all times, why do you ask? Anyway they are supercool, they have powers sort of like pokemon. They can absorb plant cells and photosynthesize, isn't that wild? I think it would be cool if GameFreak gave Gastrodon Solar Beam to reflect that, dont you? Oh yeah and because Gastrodon is a Water/Ground type it has only one weakness to grass. Granted a 4 times weakness can be really bad grass isnt the worst thing to be weak to. You can cover for that on your team perfectly with a fire/flying type. Of course then you have to worry about getting your ass beat by stealth rock, but you can play around that too. I mean Cynthia's considered one of the strongest champions in the mainline games and she has a Gastrodon on her team, or at least she does in Pokemon Pearl. Anyway so gastrodon..."

Me: Its 2am I really should sleep

My brain: But what if you imagined Applejack as a trans fem ***** ***** with a huge ***** **** and a beard, ******* your ***** *******

(Have fun filling in the blanks)

None of us are free from sin.

Quiet sadness

I cant ...

Wind is out of me

Love is a sucker punch

That kills me

I dont know from which mod this book came from but it's an excellent addition to the lore, and a wonderful story. Reminds me of the Argonian account insofar as it both builds an less familair elder scrolls setting and tells an interesting funny story to boot.

(It might be Books, Books Books? Its probably that mod)

Some art I did for a dnd campaign. A regular deer was transformed into a centaur esc anthro creature as it accidently came in and out of the faewilds. I liked the idea of anthro centaurs so his bottom half is deer and his top half is basically an anthro deer. His antlers play music in the wind.

Thoughts on Serial Experiments Lain

The show exists for me in a very nostalgic place. It makes me think about what the meaning of Nostalgia is to begin with. When I looked up the definition on Merrium Webster it was something to the effect of melancoly and overly sentimental longing for the past. More bizzare the American Heritage Foundation said it may be fatal in one of their definitons. Apparently it used to be an actual diagnosis. It's interesting to me to distinguish what i think a word means, and then learn what it really means through its history. Lain longs for a home in her humanity, though it never really existed at all. What was once an illusive almost supernatural world full of meaning lost its meaning as she drove herself deeper and deeper into the wired. Her connection to home grew more and more painful as reality dissappeared and she still hung onto what reality used to mean. It's a lot like how we today become dissallusioned with life as we spend all day online, constantly connected to dozens of platforms and screens of different kinds. The technology might look more obviously bizzare and disturbing in Lain with the tubes and wires and buzzing but our own world I think provokes the same emotion if you ground yourself to reality. The problem is i think searching for something that was never real. I think for a moment Lain let those walls down with that final hug.

I bought a Print...of a Dragon Prince

Sunken like my vision dropping

In and out

Of a hallucination

Salvia high is on

Few moments and Im gone

Like im looking at your print.

Zerox of a Zerox

Im not convinced I know what it means

Shapes to be seen

In the dark

My thoughts quiet still subsist

I cant resist wanting to touch the paintings

At museums

In my mind i graze you just for a moment

On my lies

I savor you

Its always the last time this will work

Could be my last one

But that roles rehearsed

I cant resist, I cant cry

Im still standing here

Observing a print

Of a painting

Remember kids: Blowing up the Death Star was seen as, and is, a based thing to do.

Killing Emperor Palpatine was based

Look what happened to Anakin for letting a man live to "stand trial" when he was clearly and obviously evil.

I live to see evil eradicated, sometimes it is that simple.

Love Wind

I'm so afraid. I can hardly stand. My legs shiver, like im gonna pee blood. But nothing comes out, not even anything. The meds are surpressing what they are supposed to, i am not doing okay but im doing fine.

Im free.

Free to the world and to the winds of love, I fucking hate wearing underwear when i wear a dress. I fucking hate adult clothes, id rather have a blanket or a robe. I'd rather you just not look at me at all if you dont like me. I want you to worship me, and in turn ill give you everything i have left. Id kiss you but my mouth is so dry, spironolactone. Im spirling, i want to be null, i want you to act like you cant live without me and take me without me having to ask.

Id tell you I love you but im tone deaf, I cant hear my own thoughts over the depression and sadness. Just fuck it out of me. Make me regret taking you in my mouth. Make me atone for my sins and I'll call you daddy, because your my only daddy problem.

Trans Lugia (WIP)

The story of Lugia is very much tied into the story of their writer, Takeshi Shudô. He was saddened to see the direction they took with Lugia in the film, feeling Lugia was presented in a way too masculine for what he envisioned.

I find myself emotionally invested in Lugias fate, I want to recognize the her inherent...I want to understand the langauge, the words he spoke, as I understand poetry. I find myself wondering, relying on others for her form, her words...am I so helpless to be named man as well after so many years unattested, even if miserable? Did I not bring happiness? Is my childhood not forever a scar? It is too late for Takeshi to change things...at least how I see it. People have moved on. Discussion threads on Bulbapedia are already 12 years old, the links to the translations broken. All I have left is the original japanese blog posts from Takeshi Shudô.

If your reading this and your interested I have included the link. I'd appreciate any feedback on any of the posts, regardless on what they are about. Thanks for reading either way.

Takeshi's blog: