A Really Good Hamburger Could Save America.

Ki-Adi-Mundi is too fabulous for you

NeSpoon is a Polish artist, born in Warsaw, who mixes the delicacy of lace with the roughness and freedom of urban art

bell hooks mentioned going through a time in her life where she was severely depressed and suicidal and how the only way she got through it was through changing her environment: She surrounded her home with buddhas of all colors, Audre Lorde’s A Litany for Survival facing her as she wakes up, and filling the space she saw everyday with reinforcing objects and meaningful books. She asks herself each day, “What are you going to do today to resist domination?” I also really liked it when she said that in order to move from pain to power, it is crucial to engage in “an active rewriting of our lives.”

Friends of ours lost their 22yo son to suicide recently. He was struggling, but kept the depth of it hidden. There are no words of comfort to give, only grieving alongside those who have lost one that they love.

A good friend pointed out that in the midst of this weeping, while it does not diminish the grief, perhaps something good might come out in that those who are similarly struggling with thoughts of suicide might get some perspective that their lives matter beyond the tiny world mental illness traps you in. Your life matters and is worth living.

Our brains are a precariously balanced mix of meat, electricity, and chemicals. Sometimes because of our experiences and/or biology our brains begin to lie to us. It withholds joy and pleasure. "It’s like trying to laugh at a joke that isn’t funny. Trying to smile for a photo you don’t want to be in. It’s like waking up in the morning and hating that you actually woke up. It feels like someone is just draining the energy out of you all the time, every moment you are awake." Doing anything requires immense willpower. Just plain old staying alive becomes a conscious choice made over and over again. You are just so tired and everything is just too much to deal with. The constant state of suffering leads one to try various ways to feel something positive, feel anything, or just escape the emptiness. It's why depressed people try so hard to bring joy to others and help others- they want to prevent others from suffering too and it allows them to feel some happiness vicariously.

The inevitable diminishing returns on the attempts to feel better, feel anything, or just escape eventually lead to the conclusion that there is only one way out of this hell. And depression shrinks our awareness of our own meaningfulness and inner world. The void is all we can perceive. The knowledge that we are loved, cared for, or important is lost. We can sincerely believe that our loss will not so drastically affect our loved ones and escape through death is a viable option.

These are all false of course. Falsehoods our sick brain tells us with honesty, because suicide is quite reasonable given what we are perceiving.

If you are feeling like you don't want to be here, wishing you would not wake up, desiring an accident, imagining about killing yourself, drugging yourself into oblivion, or seriously thinking about if or how you might kill yourself, you need to talk to someone. I got lucky. Someone who loves me more than I love myself saw me spiraling into self-destruction and made me get help and continues to support me in spite of myself. I spent years where my full-time job was not research or teaching, but just keeping myself alive. It's still my job now and then. But the difference now is that after many years of therapy and prescriptions I know that feeling is temporary and false.

I'm sorry it hurts so much right now. When you have some distance from these feelings (I hope that you will give yourself the chance to), I hope you can see that your life is worthwhile and important because you are.

But the only way out is through and that requires talking. I hope you have people nearby who love you you can talk to. If you do, talk to them. If you don't, this will be harder. Either way, you should also get into counseling. A good counselor will help you find ways to survive, build better mental pathways, & develop tools for processing emotions.

Brutal honesty- American mental health treatment system is shit and difficult to navigate. We have far too few professionals in many areas and online is often the only option. But you are a fighter. Look at you all alive and shit when depression has been trying to kill you 24-7. Live a little bit longer. You can do it. And if you are going to live a little bit longer, counseling can help you live it a little bit better.

Blessed are the Poor in Spirit

Stop. No. Don’t humanize them.

These are the beings you have lived in fear of all your life.

But worse.

This is the hatred you have been sliced and grated on all your life.

But deeper.

Monsters, monsterous. Ignorant. Apathetic. Blind.

They don’t know they don’t know they don’t know of what you’ve seen. Nor do they want to. Nor would they believe you.

And when they spew their vile hatred no longer are they met with disdain.

They are cheered on.

Power hungry. Hungry for your blind obedience. Your hands. Your toil. Your silence.

So much silence and so much distance like you are an insect trapped beneath glass walls.

But they are hungry for more than obedience now. They are hungry for your admiration. For your adoration.

You have lived your life in literal starvation and in omnipresent fear. Why stop now? Now that the danger goes deeper, deeper, longer, greater than you could ever imagine?

You don’t mind for your own sake. You know you deserve nothing more than to die choking.

You mind for all the poor people. The parents torn from their children. The children torn from their parents. The workers who will not see power ever.

Power. You don’t have the power to feed your people. You don’t have the power to give them water. You don’t have the power to protect the children. You will live your whole life without power.

But you know that the prophecies are on your side. The last shall be first. The first shall be last. The hungry will feast. The well-fed will starve. The sick will be healed, the healthy will grow ill. The powerless will have power. The thirsty will have clean, pure water.

Glory to the newborn King.

Sometimes it feels like everyone around me is speaking in a secret language and I'm the only one who doesn't know it.

being a woman is like would you rather be dehumanised for being sexy or for being ugly