I Don't Want To Die Anymore, But If I Am Ever An Innocent Bystander, I Really Hope I'm Wearing This Shirt

Sometimes it feels like everyone around me is speaking in a secret language and I'm the only one who doesn't know it.

The two best reasons to get into fossils are booping trilobites and getting to say the word "fossiliferous" a lot.

Fossil [Explained]

Transcript Under the Cut

[Cueball is holding two pieces of rock in a paleontological site. Megan, Ponytail and White Hat are in the background.] Cueball: It's weird to pry open a rock and see an animal that no one has laid eyes on for 400 million years.

[Zoom in on Cueball looking at the fossil he is holding.]

[Cueball pokes the fossil.] Cueball: Boop! Off-panel voice: Hey! Don't boop the trilobites!

McNabb didn't "choke" in the Superbowl. And give Andy a break about mismanaging the clock when he did everything else he possibly could to coach the Avengers into nearly defeating Thanos without any deus ex machina bull shit.

Just pure gumption and genius coaching. But nothing beats 2000's Brady. Even as a fucking AARP member with the fucking Tampa Bay Rays he's still formidable and a regular contender for the Superbowl today.

Back then Brady and the Patriot offense was an unstoppable force that just plowed up and down the field and every possession ended in a TD.

The 2004 Eagles kept up with Brady.

And our defense fucked him up like the spirit of Reggie White possessed them.

They made him cry and throw a tantrum and got dirt on his uniform. And turf in his face mask. Hitting and hurrying Brady almost every down against the very best offensive line money and guaranteed Superbowl rings can buy.

And fucking Brady just got even better.

And yet. And yet with Terrell Owens on a broken leg playing half speed yet doing outrageous plays and a nervous McNabb playing extremely competently using his legs and working well with Westbrook doing his magic and Owens showboating, Andy Reid almost did it. He almost got his offense to keep up with Brady and his defense to slow Brady down enough to give Donovan a chance to win.

But McNab let the pressure get to him at the end and stopped having fun. And began to hesitate and second guess instead of just instinctively having fun and playing at his usual superhuman level.

He just got nervous. A real chance to beat Brady! And win the Superbowl for Philly at last! With his favorite teammates and coach Andy Reid! (Andy Reid is what Joe Paterno pretended to be.)

Donovan McNabb got nervous because only Tom Brady wouldn't get nervous at the thought of facing Brady let alone hoping to beat him in the Superbowl when he was playing top of his game. So Donovan "choked" and made some shit plays at the end there. But up till then he had danced up and down the field vs the Patriots defense and kept up with Brady blow for blow. McNabb was beautiful that day.

Andy Reid was on his game too and against all odds almost lead the Avengers to victory against Brady.

But Brady and Bellicheck with Gronk on his game is absolutely invincible. Just an unstoppable force where you are hoping for a failed 1st down run and and short second to make for a long third and then some kind of miracle stop or on third and long. The best defense was to try and draw fouls. Because you can't stop the guy. You just have to slow him down and hope for one or pray for two bad throws this 3rd down.

Like, third and thirty five was difficult but doable most possessions.

Eagles actually hit that smug father fucker a whole bunch on his way up and down the field. It didn't stop him. But it was hella fun to watch as my team almost beat Brady in his prime, but nothing could ever beat Brady in his prime. Even on his bad days he was nothing short of perfect and intelligent and creative and instinctual that borders on godlike.

I hate his guts and I just don't know why. He seems hella nice. He's too good looking and dates a model but good for him on all of that. I'm happy to see decent guys win the lottery. But I still don't like him. Such is life. I wish him well in everything but football. Get sacked Brady.

But yeah, no body, no matter how well prepared, trained and superhuman can be perfect for the entire Superbowl. You are going to lose some possessions without having scored.

The Eagles were a true Super Bowl team. Any other decade they would have won any Super Bowl against any team outside of the 2000's Patriots. They made every offensive line in the NFL look silly and picked off future hall of famers every other down.

The Lombardi Trophy belonged to Brady back then. Pure and simple. It was just who is going to lose spectacularly in the Super Bowl after playing big fish in a small pond till now.

Eagles almost beat Brady in his prime, but nothing can keep up with a demigod.

I submit that the 2004 Eagles were a feat of genius by Andy

He was able to cobble together a really good team around his star QB and other key players who are all hall of famers now. And I don't know how he snatched up Owens. Owens was amazing. He just had a big mouth and was a showboat. He backed up every boast too and made the greatest future hall of famer DBs miss every single time. And everyone loved it. Except the fucking racist NFL and some pundits.

Andy managed to cobble together this amazing 2004 Eagles team and got them working together even though they didn't like each other at first and help them run together so well that he almost took this army of reject NFL superheroes up against Thanos and won.

He had Donovan Captain America leading the charge. Somehow we had Deadpool with a sharpie up his sleeve carving up the captains of Thanos. And mysterious preternatural undersized Black Panther Westbrook conducting acrobatic feats y'all wouldn't believe today. Even still that man's shit was like watching Black Panther dance around dealing broken ankles and first downs out of third and long every time McNabb got in trouble.

But even the Avengers can't beat 2000s Brady.

Give McNabb and Andy Reid their due respect. They almost did the impossible together. Don't give them such trash about minor little lapses in perfection. You aren't the God of Noah.

You are an Eagles Fan! And you cheered through fucking Buddy Ryan's bullshit. Andy Reid and McNabb almost took down Brady in his prime! You should celebrate that team!

Insect Dreams

Recognizing propaganda and reminding yourself why it is BS does a huge amount to reduce the effectiveness of propaganda.

But, let the reader be aware, this does not make propaganda ineffective. It still works. It just takes longer. Some people fight it better than others. But for the average [White] American, the time we are 40 or so, we internalize too much of it find ourselves falling asleep into the American Dream and identifying with White upper middle class suburbia, status quo, the cops, American Empire, Capitalism, and billionaires.

shoutout to my best buddy in highschool who once told me "you speak like how tumblr users write their textposts" and i was mortified for a second but then realization hit me and i rebutted with "wait how do YOU know how tumblr users write their textposts???" and we were both like

Inevitable Climate Change Response in America (and rest of the "civilized" world)

In the end we will have to accept the global warming will happen and is a fact.

Of course we won't change anything whatsoever. Except that there will be massive "mismanaged" government program to subsidize the relocation of rich homeowners away from the coast while making bank for bankers. And you can guarantee they will be leaving the renters and poor to basically defend for themselves with a single COVID check or some such bullshit.