IS THIS YOU MOOT??? DO YOU KNOW THAT YOURE ON INSTAGRAM Y2K CLICKBAIT ACC 😭

All the beetles I vivisected for calcium imaging are waiting for me. Mostly and they are pissed off it was for nothing because we couldn't get the Ca imaging to work on them.

I know my hell will be filled with the bugs I accidentally killed so that I can pay back for my sins and once I have finally be crushed by all, Satan will carry me out on piece of paper underneath a cup.

I picked Gregor Samsa as the bug transformation reference for a reason besides recognizability: in Kafka's Metamorphosis, the bug transformation is pretty clearly a metaphor for disability and/or mental illness. My experience being queer and my experiences with mental illness and ADHD aren't just similar, they overlap so much that they are inseparable to me, and they've effected me my whole life. Thus a Gregor who was always a bug.

Going through older videos I found this from years ago and thought it may interest you.

This was taken at a tide pool at Bar Beach on the east coast of Australia.

I spotted something in here that didn’t quite look like a rock and it turned out to be this little octopus.

The animal was very curious and interactive and would reach out for my finger so I could pull it through the water.

It felt like it was playing a game with me and this process of holding my finger and getting pulled through the water then darting back repeated for quite some time and it was more me who ended the interaction as couldn’t stick around at the beach much longer.

At no point in the interaction did I hold its tentacle myself so it being pulled by me was entirely of its own decision as if it wanted to it could let go at any time.

I still think about it now and wonder if it tried playing this game with others who got close enough.

This was my first hands on interaction with an octopus and what surprised me was just how gentle and precise it was with its tentacle arm when it reached for and held my finger.

I feel so lucky to have been in just the right place at the right time to have gotten to experience this and I definitely understand how people who have these experiences with octopus say it’s like a bond you can’t quite describe forms between you and it.

————————————

This is incredible and I love this octopus so much

We are not our possessions,

but we are our gardens.

Within and without,

our story is told

through what we nurture.

Psych wards are psychotic and evil

By the way, friends, if you ever have a mental breakdown or are suicidal or anything like that don't go to the emergency room. The following is not just one bad hospital. It's basically all of them. I've talked to other people in other parts of the country.

I had a massive breakdown summer of 2023 from a new anti-anxiety med and a lot of stress. We called for an ambulance and got 4 cops instead. And I got a nice strapped down ride to the ER. To be fair, I was not in my right mind at the time and was unpredictable.

But it wasn't fair.

ER psych wards are straight out of 1923.

They use hours of stress positions and cold to torture the inmates into "submission" ("coercive measures"). And it doesn't matter if you are already submissive. I was obviously in control of myself by then and fully cooperative. The bastards wanted their fun anyway. After the hours of stress positions, they continue to keep "patients" unsettled with over medication of "anti-psychotics", verbally shame them from being sick, and keep them in a constant state of anxiety and discomfort after they have "coerced" them into submission while way too many heavily armed cops roam around doing their own bullying. All the time denying them obviously needed medical care including simple first aid. The "nurses" and "doctors" themselves have lost their empathy and replaced it with sadism. And they ruin the good hearts the younger ones to be just like them.

I didn't hear a single compassionate word given to anyone.

There are not private rooms. It is a open, tiled area buried in the basement behind many doors and guards and closed to visitors with a bathroom and guardhouse in the center with a few alcoves and no doors. While I was strapped down for hours with my arm cranked behind my head, with my shirt pulled up for cold torture, and the cuffs tightened and biting into my wrists (but they could still shove two fingers into my flesh and squeeze them in there so it was "legal") the other inmates were just wandering around me and I was utterly vulnerable should one of them decide to do anything to me. People are all dressed in paper gowns and sitting on hospital beds, wall benches, and wandering to pass the time.

I have so many stories just from 18 hours of being in there witnessing the worse psychological and physical tortures they were doing to the people they knew had nobody. It was a constant provocation of the most vulnerable people in the hospital in order to excuse more "coercive measures".

I watched them kill an old woman's dog.

It was going to be 115F that day. So early in the morning around 5am she started asking for her phone to call her brother to go get her dog out of her trailer and save it from heat death. They told her she could use their phone. But she didn't know the number (who knows anyone's number anymore?) She asked for her cell phone in her belongings right behind them and they said they would get it and then they strung her along till 3 in the afternoon, making her beg and plead and be oh so polite so she wouldn't end up on a bed with her arm cranked behind her head for being too loud or give them an excuse to simply straight up tell her no for being too "disrespectful."

They were petty too, loudly telling people breakfast was on it's way 3-4 hours before they knew breakfast would get there just to make people feel hungry and get them anxious and waiting assuming it was coming any minute now. As the staff kept reminding us breakfast would be here any minute every few minutes.

And they take away even the ability to escape by suicide. An escape so many would surely make if they could. I doubt Hell would be much worse. The only reason I got out so "soon" was I had an advocate (spouse) trying to bring me home. To be fair people are sent there for being "suicidal". But I don't see how it could do anything but hasten their descent towards taking their own life.

They, like prisons, don't help anyone. It's just for storage and terror. And it caused me trauma that continues to give me flashbacks months later. I'm not sure what state I would be in now without a loving family and a spouse who loves compassionately and deeply to heal me. Or my long-time counselor. Or my chickens. I held my little bunny for hours as my little angry little tribble did his best to comfort me. I slept with terrible dreams for nearly 48 straight. I couldn't even eat for a week. It feels even now like it set me back a year in my recovery from the pit I only recently crawled out of.

I think the second worst thing was the insanity of it all. Why hurt people who are already hurting so much? I get the whole Nietzsche thing is in play. So fucking what? It's still insane.

The worst thing was meeting a young resident doctor who was obviously gay and Latino. He knew what it was like to be oppressed. I could still hear some basic goodness in his voice. But he was already cold and compassionless. They were ruining his good heart just as they had done to so many others. And he will become twice as much a son of hell and traumatize thousands more over his long life.

And I know that is only a snapshot of the evil in our empire.

this might sound silly but when people share pics they took on walks with me i kind of believe in beauty and humanity again like oh? you noticed a small creature? you were in awe of the deep blue of the sky? the way the light touched the houses and reflected off the windows? my heart sings we are alive we are alive we are alive

Also rabbits are brutally effective at managing their predators.

Tumblr

Rabbits manage their predators

We've all seen the graph of lynx and snowshoe hares where the rabbit populations increase and lynx increase with larger litters and increase