Crack AU Where Anakin Can All Of A Sudden Hear The Background Music That We All Hear. Those Pleasant

okay i know Hardeen was a Terrible arc for everyone involved, but what if Obi Wan had told Anakin about faking his death? Anakin’s like no worries dude I Got This, except he really. does not,,

the only reason his “acting” is remotely believable is because almost no one has seen him like this before, so it must be due to all the grief and loss and heartbreak and anger and whatnot

he starts by sobbing over Obi Wan’s supposedly dead body for a solid two hours when Obi gets shot down. “LOOK at him, so cold and Lifeless. D: HE IS SUPPOSED TO BE WARM AND FULL OF LIFE, SNIPS. I know last week I checked his pulse because he was meditating so calmly I thought he passed away in his sleep, BUT HE’S USUALLY SO WARM AND FULL OF LIFE.”

It goes on until Anakin has finished everything on his painstakingly written Outline from last night. At least half of Coruscant hears part of this speech. Mace sends Obi the security footage later, at a time he knows Anakin will be there to sit through it with Obi, because if we had to suffer then you do too, Obi Wan. 

then at the funeral, Anakin pulls out a twenty foot scroll of real actual paper, because he would appreciate this, I think, and clears his throat loudly and messily before telling the council that he has prepared a few words for the greatest jedi this order, nay, this GALAXY has ever seen, and will ever see, no matter how long any of us live—

five hours later,, he’s still going strong. half the eulogy is Terrible and V Cringeworthy, but the other half is actually v heartfelt and moving. even Mace and Yoda have to blink away some tears. 

it becomes easier after Anakin starts going into Unnecessary Details about obi wan’s life, like how he’ll miss holding onto those heavy 327 thread count woolen robes when he’s saving obi’s ass (curvature 48.5 degrees) for the 23094th time, and how he’ll never see a more sincere expression of Compassion than he saw when reading line 83 of Obi Wan’s eighth letter to Duchess Satine last month, quoted now as follows— 

Ahsoka enlists Plo Koon’s help and they finally shuffle him over to the side, promising him they can finish his fake eulogy at the council dinner tonight. Obi Wan’s death may be fake, but MY WORDS ARE REAL, SNIPS, HOW DARE YOU. says Anakin, before he (a little gleefully) starts destroying the walls to show how Emotionally Compromised he is over this 100% real death. 

he takes the 212th drinking, after having told all of them, too. so now there are 293637 men crying about Obi Wan (relatable af, y/y), all of which have the acting talent of a wilted blade of grass. there are 283747 toasts, and every single person there cries for each and every one of them, despite everyone knowing obi is still alive

I keep reading Obi-Wan time-travel fics (post-66 to pre-Naboo) and just… wanting Rex and Ahsoka to show up like ‘yes we followed Maul through the anomaly on Tatooine and we know for sure nobody else went through but also… we lost Maul’ and then the two acting INCREDIBLY suspicious but in ways that entirely validate “Ben” being The Weird Fucker He Is

And also they keep referencing future!Anakin as Ahsoka’s “brother” and state that “Fulcrum” was Ben’s second padawan because the timing doesn’t really work out unless you know about the war. Her training was basically split by them anyway, it’s not that big of a stretch.

There’s a handful of fics where people are like “So are you like… married or adoptive siblings or…” and they’re just like “family, where they go, I go” and then never elaborate I just really like the “two halves of a whole idiot black ops specialist” vibe they have

Also I keep imagining that, since Ahsoka doesn’t want to steal her future/baby self’s name depending on the AU, she takes on Fulcrum as an actual name, and then she and Rex use either Torrent or Jaig as a surname, though I’ve been told that she went by “Ashla” a few times and I do in fact vibe with that.

Also I like fics (or at least I imagine fics) where they refuse to refer to each other as anything other than Captain and Commander until they can trust people. Not even fake names, just ranks, in part because Intimidation.

Also I just really like the idea of teen Obi-Wan and all his Padawan friends having just. Hero Crush on Ahsoka, because she’s only a few years older, sure, but she’s a total badass and probably a shadow and she’s showing off in the salles! And then Ben is like “Uhhhhh she doesn’t consider herself a Jedi, even though a Jedi taught her, she’s technically a Rogue Force User but don’t worry, she’s a good one”

People: Would you ever consider rejoining the order? Ahsoka: I’ve got work to do in the Outer Rim and I can’t be held back by bureaucracy, so it’s just gonna be me and the Captain until I decide otherwise.

And then she swings back around and rejoins just in time to snatch up bb Anakin for a Padawan

Jedi: Why does Ben drive his padawan so hard? Ahsoka: [shows up and jokes about the number of times their war experiences had resulted in horrifying injuries] Jedi: …oh.

It’s not paranoia if you’ve already experienced it dozens of times!

Ahsoka dodging around mentioning Maul by name by saying “Your first Sith Lord” Ben and Rex: Ah, that fucker. The Disowned Dark Apprentice. All the Jedi around them: ??!?!?!?!?!!!?!?!?!? How many claims-to-be-Sith did you fight????!?!?!?!?!?!??!

Jedi: How did Ben teach you? Ahsoka, brightly: Trial by fire! Jedi: Like– Ahsoka: Yeah, no, it was active warzones, but in his defense, we really didn’t have a choice.

At any rate, I want post-Empire Ahsoka&Rex&Obi-Wan time travel that’s just. So concerning to everyone pre-TCW.

how tall is bruce and thomas wayne?

in saih bruce is 6′2″ and thomas was 6′5″

Females?? From me?? Crazy...

I gotta make- like- a shopping list of characters, I've got Cass and Dami on the list, Jon Kon and a few others too- I wanna go draw snuggles now- (tomorrow tho- it's like 10)

Padme “no concept of my own mortality” Amidala teaming up with Anakin “no impulse control” Skywalker to catch her own assassin. There’s no way this can go wrong

Jason [introducing his family]: This is my older brother, Moron.

Dick:

Jason: This is my youngest brother, Bastard.

Damian:

Jason: And this is my dad, Evil Bitch the 3rd.

Bruce: *sighs*

Obi-Wan: plays dirty wins dirty

Obi-Wan: flirts with the enemy

Obi-Wan: has slept with half of the galaxy

Obi-Wan: always outsmarts the opponent

Obi-Wan: jumps out of windows for fun

Obi Wan: uses his charms to always get what he wants (especially the council)

Also Obi-Wan: follow my ~example~ Anakin and be 🌸mindfull🌸 💗👨🏻‍🦰💗

Anakin: *screams*

(Also 19-year-old-Obi: you should listen what 💗Master Windu💗 says, my master🥰

Qui-Gon: oh you little shit)

😄 Indeed, anon. Indeed.

I always love the fact that Obi-Wan is out there seducing everyone and winking saucily and whatnot and there’s Anakin, his young charge who idolizes him, taking this all in. You know that when Anakin was like 18 he tried to very awkwardly and artlessly kiss the hand of some planet’s king or president or whatever during negotiations and Obi-Wan was like ANAKIN NO WHAT ARE YOU DOING and Anakin was like “What??? YOU DO THAT ALL THE TIME, I thought that’s what we were supposed to do at these things!” and then Obi-Wan had to fake-laugh and be like “would you excuse us for just one minute, I need to speak with my Padawan about something”

Also there is no way I believe Obi-Wan was ever NOT a gigantic flirt, so you know he was pulling that crap way back when. Like Qui-Gon would leave the room to get a glass of water and by the time he’d come back the Queen of Planet Whatever was blushing and giggling and his 20-year-old student is looking almost too innocent and then what do you know, suddenly the negotiations are over and the Republic got everything they wanted! Weird.

I have a lot of feelings about the kenobi-skywalker-tano family and their daily interactions like

you can’t tell me that at one point anakin and ahsoka didn’t grow bored during a mission and started debating among themselves who’s obi-wan’s favourite and the arguments are getting more and more ridiculous like ‘yesterday he patted me on the shoulder absently so obviously he unconsciously prefers me’ ‘excuse you I’m his only padawan and I’m pretty sure he almost laughed at one of my jokes about windu’s butt 4 years ago’  

and obi-wan is sitting right next to them 

of course at one point he feels the need to stop all of this nonsense with ‘this debate is ridiculous and unworthy of jedi. Ahsoka made me a cup of tea this morning so of course she’s my favourite right now.’ 

the level of betrayal on anakin’s face can only be compared to the level of glee on ahsoka’s face 

but the worst is when ahsoka is away on a mission by herself and anakin can’t help worrying, even when rex tries to make him feel better: ‘she’s going to be fine sir, we need to trust her. I mean, she is general kenobi’s favourite after all’ 

anakin stays outraged and gasping and only whispers ‘et tu, brute?’ every time he sees rex for the next three days 

“This is the house that built me and I’m gonna burn it down.”

Courtney Love Prays to Oregon, Clementine von Radics

(A spin off of this post. It is very highly recommended to read it first if you haven't already)

@alls-well-that-ends-weird

*cackles*

Bruce sat at his desk, his hands sternly folded in front of his face. Damian sat in the chair in front of him, staring defiantly.

“Damian… We need to talk about the kids. And the animals.”

Damian stuck his nose in the air arrogantly with the manner of a man who knew he could not lose. Normally an admirable feat against Bruce “Brucie” “Batman” Wayne, but this was Damian Wayne, formerly Al Ghul. What he wanted, he usually ended up getting—with or without permission.

“I don’t know what you're talking about, Father.”

Bruce stared at him, just a few degrees shy of his batglare. “Damian. In the past three months, you have acquired twenty-three toddlers, seventy two cats, fifty dogs, an uncountable number of fish, another cow, three deer, and a random assortment of other animals. Not only that, you adopted Colin, and gained partial guardianship over Jon.” Bruce started full on glaring. “I don't know how. I don't want to know—actually, I do, if only I can stop you from doing more. But that's not the point.” Bruce leaned forward, eyes narrowing. “No more. Send them back where they came from. They need to go. Now.”

Damian examined his fingernails delicately. “No.”

“Damian—”

Damian grinned evilly. Bruce tensed in anticipation as Damian opened his mouth and spoke in an overly loud and dramatic voice.

“BUT FATHER YOU CAN'T MAKE THEM LEAVE—”

Bruce's beautiful, original mahogany wood doors burst open, shattering against the walls.

“NO!”

It was the children. And the animals. God, so many animals. They were all screaming at him in their shrill little voices and all their noises like a demented chorus. Was this his punishment? He knew he wasn't the best father in the world, but surely he didn't deserve this?

“NO!”

“THAT'S OUR BABA!”

“WE WANNA STAY!”

“I WAN’ BABA!”

“Yeah Mr. Wayne,” a horrifyingly familiar voice said over the waves of small beings, quieting them to whimper and sobs, “Don't take us away from ‘Baba’.”

There, walking into his office with stupidly big devious grins on their faces—the exact same one as Damian’s, the little snots—were Colin and Jon, both clearly enjoying this entirely too much.

They walked up behind a smug Damian (who was drowning in cute animals and tiny orphan children—no! Stay strong Bruce!) and wrapped their arms around him, pouting.

“Gosh, Gramps,” Bruce felt a stab in the chest as Colin sniffed in mock distress, “I just got a big family, you can't take them from me now! Baba promised we'd all have a loving and comfortable life.”

“Yeah Grandpapa!” Jon pouted, his eyes tearing up in his deadliest puppy dog eyes. Bruce felt another stab in the chest. “I've got such a big family now, and I can't let my new siblings down now, you know? Baba promised we could all stay together!” All the children nodded along with him, eyes teary and noses sniffing with puppy eyes they clearly learned from Jon.

That little—

“Well Father?” Damian smirked. “You wouldn't make me a liar now, would you? Not to my precious family?”

Bruce had the sinking feeling that this would not be the last conversation about this. He also had the sneaking suspicion that he would win exactly none of them.

Bruce dropped his head in his hands and groaned.

God, what would he tell Clark?