I’m So Normal To The Point I Wanna Get Drugged Up And Have My Brains Fucked Out

I have nothing to lose I don’t feel anything anymore

I hate this so much I just wish I was fucking normal I feel guilt and shame and embarrassment. And fucking stupid. I’m so fucking stupid. I am so goddamn dumb im a fucking home im so paranoid and feel so fucking awful

I’m so fucking sad man why do I have to be like this I can’t take it

It feels like I’m just back at square one again

I’m an embarrassment to fucking everyone

I hate talking about it. I hate hearing people talk to me. I hate being known. I hate being “out there”. I hate everyone who says they prioritize me then they lie to me. I just wish that I was stable. I wish things were right. I’m so fucking unhappy and I thought I was doing better but I’m just not.

I feel so weird talking to anyone right now. I don’t like it and I don’t want to talk to anybody I want to be left alone forever. I just wish I was dead. It feels like the good times truly could never make up for the misery the rest of my life has to give me. I fucking hate everything. I hate thinking about what comes after. I hate thinking about the death process. I hate it all. I just want it over. I want to escape and just never be known and be alone forever.

I don’t want anyone to have anything to do with me. I feel so depressed and I try not to let these emotions get to me but Jesus Christ it’s so hard not to. My friends all discard me and I get talked over and it’s so tiring.

I just wish I was loved. I wish that I knew I was loved and cared about and praised and adored and whatever the fuck. I wish I didn’t need anyone else’s approval. I’m so fucking over it.

Have you ever thought that the reason those people you thought were “ride-or dies” or “day 1s” fall out with you because you’re the problem? Have you ever fucking taken accountability in your stupid fucking life ever? Absolutely not, you’re just an innocent esoteric victim who just has so much love for the world right. Fucking lol.

Maybe you deserve to lose those friends. You Definitely lost me. I enjoy leading You on though because I think you deserve a false sense of security and maybe one day I could just crush you. I don’t Know about that either honestly, if you were caught on fire I wouldn’t even piss on you. I’d enjoy the show.

It really is all your fault. If anyone is the weird one it’s you. Maybe get a personality besides a poor esoteric mysterious shithead and maybe people could actually tolerate you instead of pretending to tolerate you. I’m glad you know I’ve distanced away, but don’t you dare blame it on me. Maybe if you were actually likable and not an annoying cunt people would genuinely like you instead of pretending to care about you. Let’s face it: nobody ACTUALLY likes you. But I don’t know what people would want out of someone as worthless as you, either.

Do the world a favor.

You make me fucking hate myself you aren’t a real friend

I’m so repulsive to Everyone I know everyone would just love Me better if I had a cock nobody loves me for who I am they all want me to be someone I’m not and I can’t fucking change that I can take hormones and everything but it still won’t change the fact I won’t have a dick I wish I could fucking Die I am so unlovable and ugly to everyone I hate my self I hate myself so fucking much I wish I was a man I wish I was a fucking man I hate this so fucking much I hate my fucking body I hate my genitals I hate myself I hate myself I wish that I Could just be a fucking man

I can’t even vent correctly because I am paranoid

I’ll always be imperfect even to the ones I love

I’ll never be a man to anyone. I’ll never be beautiful to anyone. I’ll never be satisfying enough for anyone. There is always just something wrong with me and I don’t know what that is. I will always be imperfect to everyone. There will always be something awful about me that makes people like me a little less.

All I want is to be liked. All I want is to be loved. All I want is to not be imperfect to someone. I want someone to respect who I am and not prefer things over me. I fucking hate myself man. I hate everyone that I know and love and want them out of my life. I hate everything. I just wish I could rot away forever and fucking die.

Nobody will ever truly love me. And I get proved right every fucking time.

I’m just a mistake