I Wish It Didn’t Fucking Hurt As Much As It Did. I Wish It Didn’t Take Everything In Me To Not Text

“I’m sorry, my baby, for letting you down on so many occasions”

“I only wished I had more time with you, and that I not wasted so much of the time I did have”

“I hope and pray I see you soon, my baby, like I always do”

I wish I was beautiful to you

I wish you would come back to me please come back to me

I feel so fucking destructive right now it’s taking everything in me not to fucking brutally stab my stomach over I’ve already sliced my damn legs up but that’s not enough anymore I need to be unrecognizable

I am legitimately thinking about going on Tiktok or any social and encouraging them to genuinely be mean I will give them fuel I will tell them I’m autistic and transgender and was raped as a kid and sexually assaulted throughout my life and that I have no friends or ambitions and that I have family issues and then will encourage them to bully me into suicide and ill get more mean comments than nice ones because I’ll be seen as corny and attention seeking so no matter what I’m getting hate that will ruin my mental and finally drag me to do it

Tomorrow would’ve marked our 9 month anniversary, and two months since we have been separated from each other.

I cant lie when I say I miss you. I long for you sometimes. I wish that I could relive every single moment we spent with each other so I didn’t take it for granted. You felt like you were my person. I cant say that I’m not absolutely crushed that you aren’t here anymore.

I continuously think that I’m getting better, but I just remember how much I enjoyed our time together and get wrecked again. I dont Even know if you miss me, and I don’t think it matters. I just fucking miss you. I miss that i was able to call you mine. Now I call you an abuser because that is what you are.

I am in a much better place with much better people. Yet I still feel so alone without you sometimes. I wish I could see your face again. I wish I could hear your voice again. I wish we could laugh on call for hours again. I just want it all Back. I miss you so fucking much. I really do.

It just hurts, and I think it hurts more that you don’t really miss me—assuming, at least. I know you, I really do. I know you’d never post how you felt, and how you’d always just dump it onto me because I was always there for you. I know that you miss me, or maybe it’s just my delusion telling me so. I dont know what I want, or who I want, or what I want to do. I dont know anything and just feel lost.

I miss you so much. Theres still a Little Bit of Love for you In my heart. I try everyday to resist looking at your account, texting you and begging you back, etc. I just miss you so fucking much. I do. I cant lie and say I don’t. I don’t miss you ALL the time like I used to. But I am still hurting. The wound is still fresh I suppose, but it doesn’t even feel like two months.

I just wish I could wake up and it was a dream. I wish I could wake up and do things right. I wish that you were right in the head. I wish you weren’t the way you are because then maybe things would’ve worked out. I miss you so fucking much. I really do.

I can’t be too involved in the past, or I’ll miss everything going on around me in the present. But I just miss you. I wish you were in my present. I love you.

Everything just hurts

I miss you so much im sorry that j was the way I was I’d change for you I promise I would please just let me back into your life I love you I miss you I’m sorry

I don’t have anybody left I am going to die alone

Everything hurts it was like I was talking to her again I’m hideous and I never want to look at myself again I just feel so ugly and terrible and so unworthy I wish that a specific genital was preferred over my whole entire fucking being I hate myself you Make me hate myself I’m so hideous and ugly and I never want to be seen by anyone ever again