I Just Feel There Is No More Genuineness. That You’re Just Staying Because Of Familiarity And Not Because

Not even the one I love loves me anymore

I don’t have anybody

Nobody really loves me anymore. Not even my friends or family or loved ones or partner or fucking anything. I just want to die. I don’t know how to escape this hellish cycle anymore. I don’t know how to be rational or to keep going. There is nothing to live for anymore. I want to kill myself.

I don’t know what I’m gonna do or how to get out I don’t know I’m so scared I think I’m in psychosis just don’t know but I’m in Hell I’m in fucking Hell I’m in purgatory I don’t know what it is but I’ve had so many chances I could’ve died but i wasn’t taken out because he wants me here to make me suffer there’s no other reason I’m alive he’s purposely doing this TK me he’s purposely fucking doing this to me he hates me and I don’t know why I don’t want god to hate me just just want to be a good person but I’m not I don’t know how I could ever make him foggiveme fuck man I’m so terrified itfuckjng makes me so upset I can’t do it I can’t

I have a limited amount of days before I have to do it. I can’t keep living my life like this.

Many things make me happy but I have to wonder if it’s actually happiness. I feel empty with every single relationship im involved in. I’m not even really sexual that much anymore and unfortunately that says something about me.

At this point I just really give up. I try to find the positives. I think there are actually a lot of positives in my life. I have a great boyfriend, friends, most of the times my parents are good, and a lot of other things. But I can’t have these things forever.

I can’t just be a kid. I can’t just sit in my room and talk to my friends always. I have been robbed of a childhood yet in 8 Monday’s im graduating high school. I have not had a plan for my life because I didn’t think I’d make it this far. I feel lost and I don’t know what to do, honestly.

I have 8 more Monday’s (7 after this week) where I have opportunities to do it. I have 2 prescription bottles full of Geodone which is an antipsychotic that can cause Serotonin Syndrome. That is how ill do it. I will mix alcohol with it and maybe some sleeping meds to really seal the deal. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t fucking do this anymore.

I don’t know why the fuck I am so unfixable. Why I can just never really be happy. Why I can’t just function normally. Why what I am going through seems to never have an actual answer. What the fuck am I doing here then? Just to suffer for other’s amusement?

I feel guilt. I feel so fucking guilty. I can’t stand seeing people be nice to me about what im going through yet I can’t get enough of it. I feel like such a fucking loser. I feel such shame for having these emotions to the point I don’t even know if I should talk about them anymore. I’m just so sad. It’s so much worse than sad. This situation is just so fucked up. I want to die

It’s gotten sk bad I can’t even cry for help from tumblr anons oh my god I can’t take this anymore

I love you so much mom and im Sorry I can’t look at you the same anymore. I just want my mom. I just want a normal mom. I just want a normal family.

I don’t know what to do anymore I feel so dull

I actually have not been this freaked out in forever I broke my self harm streak my stomach is swollen from how hard I beat myself everything hurts I just can’t do it anymore

I don’t think my partner cares about me anymore