Kill Me Im So Fucking Done I’m So Done I Can’t Take It Anymore

What’s the point of any of this

I’m an embarrassment to fucking everyone

I hate talking about it. I hate hearing people talk to me. I hate being known. I hate being “out there”. I hate everyone who says they prioritize me then they lie to me. I just wish that I was stable. I wish things were right. I’m so fucking unhappy and I thought I was doing better but I’m just not.

I feel so weird talking to anyone right now. I don’t like it and I don’t want to talk to anybody I want to be left alone forever. I just wish I was dead. It feels like the good times truly could never make up for the misery the rest of my life has to give me. I fucking hate everything. I hate thinking about what comes after. I hate thinking about the death process. I hate it all. I just want it over. I want to escape and just never be known and be alone forever.

I don’t want anyone to have anything to do with me. I feel so depressed and I try not to let these emotions get to me but Jesus Christ it’s so hard not to. My friends all discard me and I get talked over and it’s so tiring.

I just wish I was loved. I wish that I knew I was loved and cared about and praised and adored and whatever the fuck. I wish I didn’t need anyone else’s approval. I’m so fucking over it.

Kinda sucks that when I follow ppl on here it redirects them to this blog where it shows the most disgusting and emotionally rawest parts of myself lol that totally won’t get me judged and Not accepted from other people who claim to be mentally ill Lol Jesus Fucking Christ can I just get killed already

I wish I could show myself off like </33 I want to bottom so bad but it feels like I can’t 4 nobody it’s so terrible oughe 💔💔💔

Please fucking help me

I feel like puking i feel like I’ve just been robbed of all my love and that resulting in my hatred for romance I just . I’m so dysphoric I’m so bitter I’m so angry I just want an escape I just want someone for fucking once to love me and my imperfections and not prefer a specific fucking genital over my entire being I don’t know what to do I don’t believe anyone when they say they love me anymore because they’re fucking lying

I just want to give up on everything I fucking Hate my life I hate romance I hate sex I hate myself I hate everyone I fucking hate existing I just wish I was dead so fucking bad holy fuck I’m going to kill myself maybe that’s what I should do for my 18th birthday just blow my fucking head off

I genuinely believe God isn’t taking me out yet because this is his version of Hell for me which is being but can’t successfully die and purposely he’s dragging me through all of this pain and forcing me to stay alive because he knows I want out he won’t let me out he hates me

This is genuinely Hell I’m already in hell and he shaped it to seem like I’m living an individual shitty life no this is a punishment i don’t know what for but I’m scared and nothing I can do will ever let him forgive me and I’m scared I don’t want to be an awful person

I want to be forgiven in general but I just don’t want this anymore ill be a good person if you just let me fucking go on to a different place please I have prayed asking for d**th and nothjng has fucking happened because he knows there’s nothing I hate more than being alive

Fuck I’m cursed I don’t know if this is psychosis I don’t know but I’m genuinely convinced I’m living in Hell and that this is a punishment for something I did long long ago I am genuinely convinced I’m In hell Icant get out of my own brain what am I gonna do

I did everything for you. I was molded into the perfect person for you. God damn i miss you. I miss you so much every day.

Sometimes i delude myself into thinking that we are some sort of angsty trope, the trope where we both want and love each other but can’t have each other so we just mourn while thinking of each other positively. I cannot be more wrong. I have to stop acting like this is what’s happening.

I miss you so much. I want to talk to you one more time—PROPERLY. But even then, I don’t know what the fuck would happen. I think I’d be hurt more.

God, I fucking miss you. You’ve still left such a fucking impact on my heart. I miss you. I miss you so much and sometimes I remember how destroyed I feel when you aren’t present anymore. There are so many things I want to show you. So many things that remind me of you that I want to tell you about. So much new music I’ve found in your favorite genre. So much improvement in me that i truly thought you’d be proud of.

I wish people understood. I talk to my friends about how much I miss you sometimes, but really try to talk lightly as to not annoy anybody. They just don’t understand. They just think it’s a simple “not moving on”. It’s so much worse than that. It’s torment. It’s hell that I still love you so much and I don’t even think you care anymore.

I want to restart everything. I either want to go back in time to prevent meeting you, or go back in time to take things slower and actually do things right. Would it really ever go right, though?

I know in one universe we worked out. I wish I woke up in it sometimes.

I wish we were friends. I know it would be even more terrible than what we had, but I would do anything to just hear your voice again. I miss you so much. And it hurts knowing you don’t miss me. I have to accept it, and I have to learn not to be mad at you for it.

What anyone thinks or feels about me is none of my business. I don’t need to dwell onto what you could possibly be thinking about me, it’s quite pointless. I should be allowed to feel as deeply as I do for you still while also moving on.

I am sorry things went the way they did. I know that I was mentally fucked up, and sincerely not prepared for what was to come. We moved too fast, and while I thought it would be a good idea to get you immediately, it was truly the fear of abandonment and my insecurities. I never meant to drag you into a relationship you weren’t ready for. I wish that you would’ve told me if that was the case.

I know my communication wasn’t the best and I took out my rage onto you when there were times where you really didn’t mean it. There were just some times where it truly didn’t feel as if I was heard. I still shouldn’t have been mean. You were trying your best and that’s all that matters. You handled it well, and you did give me a lot more chances than you should’ve, and I feel I took advantage of that. I am sorry that I acted so immaturely during the relationship and after it.

I couldn’t ever mean those things. I could never, EVER pretend that those evil things I said to you were genuine. I just wanted to hurt you. It’s funny, because I love you so much yet I said shit out of malicious intent that I know cut you deep. I just wish you knew what I felt. I wish the process was gentle. I wish that we didn’t have to feel the same way while going on different paths.

I know we can’t ever have each other again, but I wanted to say thank you for the time you did spend with me. It’s fucked up that we can’t be together. You may not even feel the way I do still, and I suppose I understand. It’s not my business to understand, but to respect your choice and let you do what’s best for YOU, despite how it much it hurts me. You don’t make up my entire person, nor do you own me. I have lived without you before and I can do it again, but that doesn’t mean I want to.

Thank you so much for listening when nobody else would. You really, truly made me feel heard even if the times I split on you said otherwise. It was so enticing teaching you about my life & learning about your culture. Introducing you to music I’m passionate about and you loving it will always be etched into my brain. Smoking cigarettes while you begged me to be careful is a memory that plays often. Hearing you cry because of how much love you had for me still resides in my mind.

You have left an impact on me. I loved our memories, and I still do. Despite if you hate me or not, I hope you know im not mad at you. I still love you. I still wish the best for you. I still wish that you will recover from your self harm addiction, mental illnesses, trauma, suicidal and homicidal ideation, and everything else that may be troubling you. I want you to grow and become a better person. I still have love for you, and you may not have love for me, but that just shows how kind I really am.

I know that you did me wrong but I forgive you. Your actions were fucked up, and they did hurt a lot. I know that I hurt you too, maybe in a different way, but I still affected you. I know that no matter how much love we had or still have for each other, that there just isn’t any reason for us to be together. It hurts so much. But it’s for the best, and I want the best for you. I want the best for me.

One day I will type out my last vent about how much I love you. That doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten about you, or that I don’t love you anymore. It means that I am finally in a better place, and hopefully around that time, you are too. I forgive you. I apologize for my terrible actions. You are still a human throughout your flaws and mistakes. I hope that you fix yourself, and that you get to be the very best you possibly can be, whether that journey includes me or not. I love you.

J don’t even like dressing up anymore

I fucking hate it.

I hate every moment without you. You’ve been on my mind more recently. Every lovey dovey thing reminds me of you. Every single thing reminds me of you. I still wonder how you’re doing. And I still wonder if you will ever come back to me.

Im still attached to you. I still want you back. It still hurts that you are really over thus (or what it seems). God I want you back so bad. I hate that I do but fuck I really, really do. I want you back more than fucking anything.

I miss you and your presence. I regret ever sending hateful messages to you. I regret even telling anybody what happened. If you came back i dont know if id be happy or hurl. I wish it didn’t end the way it did. I wish you were still with me. I wish we were still together.

I know that logically it would be better for me to move on from you and to heal and to just. Never EVER go back to you. But fuck I want to. I want you back so goddamn bad. I Miss you. I still love you.

I wish you could come back into my life again. I really, really do. I wish we never even broke up. But you’re such a piece of shit and a terrible person. But I still miss you. I feel so broken without you. Please just come back to me in some way. I miss you so fucking much. I just want you. I can’t stop thinking about you or missing you or anything. You were my whole world I just fucking wish you could’ve reciprocated it goddamnit. I did everything for you. I still love you so much I really do. I didnt mean all those awful nasty things I said about you or anything.

Im sorry i lashed out. I’m sorry.

Now I really dont have a chance back with you and I fucking hate it. I just want to talk to you again. I remember all the good memories and im just crushed. You were my everything. I fucking loved you goddamnit why did you do this to me. Im not over you I just want you back I can’t stand it.

I know you were terrible. I know that you lied to me. I know you did terrible things behind my back probably. But I don’t even care. I would still let you do those things to me if it meant you could come back & we would be together. I fucking miss you man. I do. I fucking love you my heart still loves you so much even though you spat it out on the ground and crushed it. I wish you weren’t so fucking evil. I wish you didnt do this to me. I fucking miss you. I dont want to but I do.

I wish that I could’ve just talked to you normally I wish this never fucking happened I just wish I lived in ignorant bliss forever if it meant I could stay with you. Goddamnit. God fucking dammit. I love you so much still. I can’t go on. I really can’t.

I fucking hate you so much for making me feel this way. I hate you. I hate you so fucking much. God why.