Why Doesn't Souda Say Anything?

Something came over me

https://gofund.me/8416e129

This is definitelyyy something I feel vulnerable by sharing because I feel really guilty for asking for help like this, but - this is extremely life-changing news for me, let alone *what it is*, which is my top surgery.

I wrote a very sappy very candid explanation in the link itself, where donations are open too.

If you donated a lot of money, that'd change my life. If you donated a penny, it'd change my life. if you reblogged this post, it'd change my life. you don't know how much it would mean to me if you helped me. so thank u<33

In Defense of Mondo Owada

Please be warned. The following rant/review contains heavy spoilers for case 2 of Trigger Happy Havoc. If you have not reached that point in your gameplay, please click away now.

This is a bit more of a rant/matter of opinions than a formal character analysis, but I still encourage readers to voice their disagreements.

Enjoy the little artwork I made to pass the time :)

Case 2 of Trigger Happy Havoc remains among one of the most controversial class trials ever conducted in the danganronpa series. Not for the quality of the trial itself or the death of a major character, but because the victim, Chihiro Fujisaki, was revealed to have been assigned male at birth and lived his life as a woman in order to avoid harassment and torment over his supposed weakness. His killer, Mondo Owada, accepted his fate and did his best to keep Chihiro's secret, even in death. Until relatively recently, Mondo was rarely acknowledged outside of Ishimondo and butter jokes, but as of late, I noticed that his character has been on the receiving end of quite a bit of backlash. Viewers are quick to label Mondo as "transphobic" for his behavior in chapter 2, if not, bash him for killing Chihiro because they felt as if Chihiro deserved a better fate. Furthermore, I noticed an increasing amount of individuals pitting Chihiro (and by extension, his fans) against Mondo (and by extension, his fans) often praising Chihiro for his courage, but demonizing Mondo for his behaviors.

As someone who adores both Mondo and Chihiro, I would like to refute the various accusations in regards to Mondo's character.

Point 1: Transphobia

One of the most common accusations I have seen levied at Mondo are claims that his murder of Chihiro was a hate crime of some sort. At surface value, this holds some water, as Mondo did technically kill Chihiro after revealing that he was a man who wanted to become stronger.

However, this claim is easily refuted in the trial itself. Mondo, in his confession, admitted that he did not remember killing Chihiro, but rather the moments leading up to it and the moments following the murder. This brief stint of amnesia is known as a blackout.

When a person becomes overwhelmed, particularly in instances of traumatic events, post traumatic stressors, or extreme anxiety, the mind often "protects" the individual by "blocking out" memories of the specific incident. An individual in a vehicular accident may not remember the impact itself, but is more likely to retain memories of the moments leading up to and following it.

Mondo did not necessarily kill Chihiro because he was a man, but rather because the revelation (by his own admission) reminded him of his own weaknesses, triggering memories of his brother's passing. Monokuma had already held this over Mondo's head,

Furthermore, it is strongly implied (if not outright stated) that had it not been for the killing games, Mondo's reaction to Chihiro's would have been wildly different. In the Ultimate Talent Development Plan, it is revealed that Mondo is aware of Chihiro's secret, and is currently training him so that he can become stronger. While Mondo is still somewhat envious of Chihiro's courage, he clearly admires Chihiro, and wishes to gain the same strength.

Point 2: Mondo's Remorse

In Trigger Happy Havoc, the killers were generally portrayed as cold, short-sighted, and unwilling to face the repercussions of their actions. In most trials, the Blackened has a minigame of some sort (Bullet Time Battle in THH). Mondo, however, confessed to his crime midway through the trial. Kiyotaka Ishimaru, left in a state of shock and disbelief, tried to prove the Blackened's innocence, even going as far as to vote for himself instead of Mondo. So why is it that the characters in the game (and by extension, the writers) portray Mondo as if he killed in cold blood when evidence in the trial itself contradicts this?

Mondo made it very clear that he was not conscious during Chihiro's murder. He was one of only four killers to confess to his crime amidst the trial. Mondo was also one of two killers who had no intention of killing their victim. Yet, the characters in the trial say otherwise. While this is expected of a character like Byakuya Togami or Monokuma, what makes Mondo's case stand out is the fact that Makoto Naegi, the protagonist, makes no effort to refute it, as he normally would.

The protagonist serves as a vessel between fiction and reality. In Danganronpa, the protagonist often acts as an audience surrogate, and possibly a "stand-in" for the general consensus. While later protagonists were far more distinct in personality and backstory, Makoto arguably played the role of an audience surrogate the best out of any protagonist in the series. He, for the most part, acted in good faith, and rarely allowed his personal biases to deter any decision. He felt sympathy for almost all of the killers, and grew enraged when Monokuma made a game of their lives and deaths.

Why is it that Makoto, who is clearly meant to portray justice, correctness, and mercy, essentially agreeing that Mondo is weak, killed in cold blood, and killed Daiya.

While Makoto negates Chihiro's fears (albeit after death), he affirms Mondo's fears in the moments immediately preceding his execution. He refers to Mondo as "cold blooded" after hearing his confession

Firstly, I find it very strange that Makoto says this as Mondo expresses remorse for his role in Chihiro's passing, with a clear look of schock and regret on his face. Additionally Mondo clearly states that he was not conscious at the time of Chihiro's murder. Secondly, Mondo, alongside his status as one of four killers who confessed and one of two killers that had no intention of committing murder, Mondo was the only killer in the franchise that at least tried to dignify his victim after death. Clearly feeling remorse, he placed Chihiro's body in the girl's locker room, and destroyed his e-handbook so that he wouldn't have his secret revealed against his will, seeing as it was made very clear that Chihiro wanted to reveal his secret on his own terms.

It was Byakuya who witnessed the incident, took no action, and crucified Chihiro's corpse after Mondo had placed him in the Girl's Locker Room. While I appreciate Byakuya's role as an antagonist, I find it hypocritical that fans are willing to label Mondo (alongside his fans) as transphobic, but rarely discuss Byakuya's part in all of this. While I recognize that Byakuya was clearly meant to be an unsympathetic character, one could argue that Mondo was also meant to be portrayed in an unsympathetic manner as well, seeing as damn near the entire class (including the player) agrees that he caused his brother's death, and refuse to acknowledge Mondo's remorse and struggles. If we as an audience are meant to see Mondo as a man who killed in cold blood because he was too "weak" to face his struggles, then why does the trial itself contradict this information? Why does everyone seem to agree that Mondo killed Daiya when it was made very clear that Daiya's choice to sacrifice his life for Mondo was made on his own volition? And why do the writers make an utter joke of his death after an incredibly emotional trial?

Point 3: Signs of a Trauma Disorder

As a person with mannerisms somewhat similar to Mondo's (ex: intense feelings of guilt/shame, survivor's guilt, hypervigilance), I firmly believe that Mondo suffers from a trauma disorder of some sort. It was stated that Daiya was Mondo's only family at the time of death, and based on context clues (mentioned in a previous post), it's highly likely that Mondo was raised in an abusive, or at the very least, unstable household. While Daiya had made the choice to sacrifice himself, Mondo evidently felt as if he was fully responsible for Daiya's passing, and that he needed to stay "strong." While he's very clearly in a state of mourning, he does his best to conceal it from the people closest to him, such as Taka, Takemichi, and his classmates/gang. Mondo carries with him a deep sense of shame, and almost lives as if any sort of "weakness" is disrespectful to Daiya's memory. Furthermore, Mondo is said to black out in moments of extreme stress, and describes what is clearly a moment of extreme anxiety during the trial. While this most certainly does not *excuse* his actions, I think it's important to consider that Mondo not only struggled, but did so alone. He truly believed that he needed to face this alone, and that he didn't deserve help, support, or mercy of any kind, which may explain why he was quick to turn himself in.

My Personal Thoughts

As a person who appreciated and related to Mondo's struggles, I was somewhat upset to see that the fans were quick to dismiss his character. While you are entitled to like or dislike Mondo (or any character) for whatever reasons you see fit, I noticed an influx of outright misinformation circulating about Mondo's character. It doesn't feel fair that this fandom seems quick to defend characters who commit morally ambiguous deeds, such as Byakuya Togami, Nagito Komaeda, and Kokichi Ouma (all of which fall into an archetype of some sort) but refuse to acknowledge characters who are also morally questionable (though on a far smaller scale), but don't fall into the same archetype as the aforementioned three. While it's impossible to achieve true impartiality, one should at least attempt to put their personal biases aside when making accusations such as these, and even going as far as to claim that his fans somehow support toxic behavior.

TL;DR I don't think Mondo is anywhere near as bad as the fandom portrays him, and I'm tired of seeing the blatant circulation of misinformation surrounding his character.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

Happy 9th birthday, FNAF!!! 🎉

You know, the thing about Taka's FTEs (now that I've had more time musing over them) is that - Taka relies entirely on the assumption that when Hope's Peak uses the word Talent, they mean something that someone is naturally good at without putting forth any effort. As a result, Taka assumes that the other Ultimates are naturally talented and smart and gifted like his grandfather was.

To an extent, with a couple of them, Taka's right. Leon is naturally gifted at baseball. I'd argue that Chihiro is naturally gifted at programming (at least from the discussions in his FTEs). And I think it's likely that Junko is naturally gifted at analysis (but put effort into Despair and Fashionista. Or, at least, chose Fashionista for whatever reason).

But Mondo? Put effort into being a Biker Gang Leader (especially after his brother Daiya died, because he had to be better and prove that he was a good leader despite causing Daiya's death).

Sayaka? She explicitly talks about all of the effort that went into becoming a Pop Sensation (and just how easily that can all slip away from her).

Sakura, too, talks about all of the effort that went into becoming the top Martial Artist, and while you can argue that Hifumi is naturally talented, he goes to great lengths in his FTEs to talk about the effort he's put into spreading the amazingness of fan creation with his school.

So like - Taka is very clearly biased against all of the other Ultimates and says as much, but if he got to know them, he'd find that a good chunk of them are a lot like he is - putting a lot of effort into something they love so that they can be good at it.

And it's ironic that he thinks Makoto is like him. Because Makoto's Ultimate Talent - Luck - is another sort of natural thing that requires no effort. He might be just like Taka in terms of schooling (and all of the others, outside of their Ultimate, are likely the same way), but as far as the function of his Talent...he's just like everyone that Taka by nature does not like. But because Taka likes him, he pretends it's something else.

Idk...it's just interesting to think about, I guess.

The Chapter 4 Essay Part 1: Kokichi Ouma

A metapost on my thoughts on Kokichi’s overall motivations and Gonta’s actions during ch4. Split into two parts. You can find the Gonta half here: (LINK)

I think the way Kokichi acts when he’s telling the truth says something crucial about his personality. When he’s telling the genuine truth, his expression becomes carefully neutral.

(post trial, chapter 1)

To me, it feels like he’s trying very hard to keep this face of neutrality. Normally, he’s able to expertly express any emotion that he wants to. In these moments, its almost like the emotion he’s feeling is so overpowering that he’s trying to repress it in order to maintain control over the face he presents to everyone else, but isn’t quite able to do so.

Kokichi is very careful about keeping people from seeing the parts of himself that he doesn’t choose to show. His villain persona and constant lying is part of this- He wants to keep people away from him. During the events of the killing game, he uses the distance that he creates in many ways. Part of it was that not having many close alliances allowed him to go off and do whatever he wanted during daily life. This let him explore the school and investigate the truth of the killing game without interruption or much attention. Lying also gave him distance between the game and himself. Pretending that the killing game was fun might’ve been his way to cope with everything that was happening. I think Kokichi is really damn good at separating himself from his emotions, lying to himself to do what he thinks needs to be done. This line from Chapter 1 is pretty telling…

(post trial, chapter 1)

This was also something he says himself to Kaito in the exisal hanger during chapter 5.

(post trial, chapter 5)

I’m inclined to believe everything that Kokichi says to Kaito in the exisal hanger. As Kiibo says when Kaito questions it, “I think his dying words may have been the honest truth.” Knowing he was about the die, and that he absolutely needed Kaito’s help to get his plan to break the killing game to work- to achieve his genuine, true goal- I don’t see any reason for him to lie.

This emotional distance extends past just the killing game. I think it's a key part of how he interacts with others around him.

Kokichi is an ultimate leader. I think he uses his talent throughout the game in an attempt to “lead” everyone from the shadows. He wanted to stop the killing game and escape with as many people as possible. However, his methods are very ends-justify-the-means. I believe that he did genuinely care about everyone at the ultimate academy, but in the detached way a distant king might care about his subjects. On the other hand, if he had to use or sacrifice a few as pawns for the greater good, that is what had to be done. It’s not like it didn’t emotionally affect him, but I think he was deliberately trying to keep his distance so that it would not impact him as much, and so that he could continue trying to tear the killing game apart with as many tools in his arsenal as possible.

(post trial, chapter 5)

With this core motivation in mind, this brings us to Chapter 4.

In my opinion, the Killing Game Busters was never a plan that was meant to succeed. From an in-game perspective, the idea that he was originally going to follow this mercy kill plan doesn’t make sense to me. Firstly, Kokichi already had suspicions that they were being watched as early as chapter 3.

(post trial, chapter 3)

…and he later confirms that he was fully convinced of this fact when Monokuma agreed to reuse the chapter 4 motive in the virtual world.

(post trial, chapter 5)

He knew that this killing game was for somebody else’s entertainment. I’ll go a bit into the secret of the outside world in a moment, but considering this, I don’t think he ever fully believed in it. Choosing to mercy kill everyone, in the name of a “truth” that was incompatible with what he had discovered… just doesn’t make sense to me.

Not to mention, from a narrative standpoint, I think the idea that he was completely for this mercy kill plan, decided to throw out the plan mid-trial, and then start an entirely different plan to end the killing game in chapter 5, isn’t very compelling. It weakens Kokichi’s overall character by making his motivation less cohesive and making him seem less organized over all, which I think is one of his strengths as a character. A Kokichi that is this fickle with what he’s trying to do would not have been able to write the script for chapter 5.

I think he always had different goals in mind with the Killing Game Busters. The first was something that is made very clear in chapter 5, but started here in chapter 4: He wanted to stop the killing to give himself room to break the game while minimizing deaths. The second was to further villainize himself, for all the reasons I talked about above, and some more I will get into in a little bit.

Seeing the secret of the outside world was undoubtably disturbing, regardless of whether he believed it or not; there is a noticeable shift in how Kokichi acts before and after he swipes that card key. Combined with discovering that Miu, someone he’d been working with closely, was planning on murdering him, I believe that seeing the destruction of the outside world pushed him towards more drastic measures than what he had been doing in previous chapters. He decided that in order for his plan in chapter 5 to work (which he had almost certainly already been planning at this point, considering how elaborate it was), he needed to make everyone question if pursuing the truth was the right thing to do at all.

After Miu’s body discovery, nobody was really worried about losing this class trial. Everyone had seen how Shuichi had guided them all to the truth and caught the blackened three times in a row, despite the unique difficulties in each case. They had full confidence in his abilities.

(investigation, chapter 4)

Shuichi is also not really doubting his abilities as a detective anymore. One of Shuichi’s core internal conflicts is his fear of the consequences of revealing the truth. Up to this point, it seems like he’s been moving past it. Especially after catching Korekiyo “Actual Serial Killer” Shinguji, who had no regrets or grey motivation for his killings. Shuichi’s morale, and subsequently everyone else’s, was at an all time high. (Of course, he was starting to feel a lot of pressure to solve these cases and save everyone on his own… but that’s another issue. ily Shuichi)

If Kokichi could take the wind out of Shuichi’s sails, really destroy the confidence he had built up so far, he could set up his impossible trial in chapter 5 to be more likely to work as intended. Everyone will be less motivated to try and figure out what happened if they are uncertain that finding the truth would actually result in anything good.

And I do believe he was trying to knock Shuichi off balance specifically. Damaging his confidence is one thing, but he was also deliberately trying to drive a wedge between him and Kaito. He antagonizes Kaito all chapter 4 investigation, including making up a nickname for Shuichi (“Shumai”) that directly riffs off Kaito’s closeness with Maki. He insists into the trial that he and Shuichi are partners now.

(class trial, chapter 4)

(Sidenote: Kokichi’s behaviour during trial 4 is genuinely really interesting to me. On top of the direct digs like this, he says a lot more subtle things to get under Kaito’s skin during trial 4 that I think are super neat to pay attention to.)

Theoretically, pushing Kaito away from Shuichi, combined with the powerlessness he’ll feel in the wake of the truth of both trial 4 and the outside world, could make him easier to convince to join Kokichi’s “side”. He even directly asks Shuichi to team up with him before leaving the virtual world:

(daily life, Chapter 4)

This leads me to believe that Shuichi was originally the one that Kokichi intended to use to build his impossible trial. I mean, if Shuichi was the one in the exisal hanger and presumed dead instead of Kaito, the chances of everyone else solving that mystery drops Significantly. Everyone else, aside from maybe Kiibo, was 100% convinced that Kokichi was the mastermind at that point. No one except Shuichi would’ve tried to dig as deep as he did, for better or for worse. I think this idea is supported by the note that Kokichi wrote next to Shuichi’s face on the whiteboard in his room (“trustworthy?”). He was clearly considering Shuichi as a person for one reason or another, and I believe this is it.

By condemning Gonta, who everyone else perceived as a kind soul who would never hurt anybody, someone who was struggling to understand what the virtual world even was with his amnesia, would be perceived by the others as kicking someone when they were down. Gonta has an absolutely miserable time through the accusations and wholly blames himself for how things turned out in the end. That, and Gonta’s actions were even well-intentioned. The secret of the outside world was apparently so horrible, Gonta thought it would be kinder to mercy kill everyone rather than force them to face it. This result would make everyone question if the truth was really as undoubtably good as they had come to think so far; Not only did Gonta suffer because they had to find the truth, but seeking the secret of the outside world would apparently also only lead to suffering. This would make them hesitate during Kokichi’s impossible trial.

(class trial, chapter 4)

As I said before, Kokichi’s second goal for trial 4 was villainizing himself even further. He says that this was a goal himself to Kaito in chapter 5.

(post trial, chapter 5)

Part of this villainization was just adding to the persona he had already created for himself and that I already talked about his motivations for before. The other part was what he says here. He specifically wanted everyone to think that he was the mastermind. This gave him leverage in two main ways. First, making himself appear to be the mastermind with an actual mastermind as hands off as Tsumugi genuinely gave him power over everyone else. He used this in chapter 5 to put a pause to the killings and give himself more room to enact his plan to break the killing game from the inside.

(daily life, chapter 5)

Although he then says “You guys can commit suicide together or kill each other… / Or, you can change your mind and stay here! You’re welcome to do that too!”, having experienced the secret of the outside world already, I think he’s pretty confident in what they will be feeling in this moment. No one is going to kill each other, and he knows that. He wants them to take that second option for the time being while he sets up his plot.

Making himself appear like the mastermind also benefited his impossible trial plan directly. Everyone would be much more likely to vote for someone they were convinced was the mastermind rather than one of their friends. No one would suspect that it was really him that was the victim.

“Using Gonta and making him into a murderer” was a significant part of how he villainized himself, but the way he treated Gonta during this whole experience was also a major factor. Starting as early as just after Miu was killed, he begins to be really aggressively mean to Gonta. He just straight up bullies him throughout the second half of the trial.

(daily life, chapter 4)

(class trial, chapter 4)

And then, after all this, he acts remorseful and sides himself with Gonta at the very end. It isn't genuine emotion like he felt before Kaede's execution, shown by his neutral expression. To me, this uncharacteristically open expression of grief feels like it was just set up to exacerbate the impact of his cruelty after Gonta’s execution. At this point, everybody’s little faith in Kokichi has been shaken significantly. With the shock of the trial, maybe you Could start to believe they were on the same side, as a team. Then, at the reveal of the extent of Kokichi’s manipulation, that is all ripped painfully away again.

(post trial, chapter 4)

(post trial, chapter 4)

Even if these parts of trial 4 make my stomach turn, I don’t want to imply that Kokichi is completely cold-hearted and unfeeling. Actually, I think there were multiple moments in chapter 4 that show him struggling to regulate his emotions and keep face around everyone else while he enacted this plan.

1: I don’t think Kokichi initially planned to make the reveal that Gonta was the killer as dramatic (or frankly, a bit traumatic) as it ended up being. He had been carrying himself a certain way during the first half of the trial, and I think Shuichi lying to his face in front of everyone about Kokichi’s own alibi dramatically changed his attitude. I mean, Shuichi lied (as he had done almost every trial and gotten 0 flack for) and Tsumugi even called him out on it, but everyone believed him over Kokichi anyways. So when Kokichi lies, it’s completely inexcusable, even though he’s been working tirelessly on his own trying to save everyone?* But when SHUICHI lies, and gets caught in it, people go along with him? They don’t doubt their trust in him for even a second? This double standard infuriated him. It’s at this point that he completely shifts in energy. If Shuichi, no, everyone, is going to disrespect him like this, he was going to make them suffer for it.

(class trial, chapter 4)

2: Kokichi only goes full villain after Kaito says “Kokichi, If you really cared for Gonta, explain yourself to everyone” in the post trial. I think that even though he was always going to paint himself as the villain, he was legitimately affected by the things that had just happened (Gonta’s death, Miu’s attempted murder, the secret of the outside world, even if he knew it wasn’t real) and what he’d just done. Even if he was trying hard not to be. The sudden shift he has from not saying anything to cackling about how little he cared about Gonta feels to me like he was kicking himself back into gear after trying to process some genuinely difficult emotions. 3: After Kokichi punches Kaito down, and everyone completely ignores him in favour of helping Kaito up, Shuichi says these iconic words to Kokichi: “Kaito always has us by his side, see? But no one wants to be around you. / You’re alone, Kokichi. And you always will be.” Kokichi responds like this:

(Post-trial, chapter 4)

There’s something about the way he cuts himself off, pauses, and then his mask falls. I think Shuichi’s words got to him more than he wanted them to. Honestly, Kokichi’s attitude towards cooperation, keeping everyone at arm’s length, and insisting (to himself) that he (as a leader) must fix the killing game completely on his own just seems so lonely to me. Even if he is intentionally trying to alienate himself and get everyone to hate him, being so viscerally cut into like this must have hurt. Especially from someone he was trying to work to get onto his side. It’s no wonder he quickly left after this moment.

This is what I think drove Kokichi in chapter 4. He’s a leader who wants to “lead” his classmates into safety, but he isn’t afraid to use underhanded, cruel tactics if he thinks it will get him ahead in the game for the greater good. He viscerally represses his emotions in order to keep himself going and keep everyone else away from him. He tried to destroy Shuichi’s confidence and drive a wedge between him and Kaito to get him on his side for his plan. He used and made Gonta into a murderer to villainize himself and discourage everyone else from seeking the truth.

Whenever I imagine Kokichi on his own, out of the spotlight of the Audience or the eyes of his castmates, he’s never as expressive as he is in the open. I think in reality, Kokichi is a pretty depressed and lonely person. His clownish personality isn’t entirely a facade, and outside of a killing game scenario, I think he would act pretty similarly to how he does in game. But I do think that he uses it as a mask for his true emotions. While I feel like the “evil villain” persona is a genuine part of Kokichi’s personality, outside of the killing game he probably doesn’t act on it as deeply as he does in-game. I also think Kokichi struggles with letting people become close to him, even without anything on the line. The killing game just caused him to lean into these aspects of his personality hard, and in potentially the worst ways.

*I feel like here it’s important to mention that personally, I still think the collateral damage he caused in his attempts to stop the killing game matters. A lot. I don’t think he should be excused for the things he did, even if he had good intentions. This makes him a really interesting, morally grey character, and I like that about him.

i had to scrub through the anthology to confirm what i'd heard about but yes

she's done it already

Sole: So there's this... guy that I like. Hancock: A guy, huh? That's a little vague. You wanna describe him to me? Sole: Well... he wears a coat and a funny little hat. Hancock: Oh, does he now? Sole: Yeah. He's got these really interesting eyes, scarred up face, bald... Hancock: *Flirting* Oh yeah? Tell me more. Valentine: *Walks towards them* Sole: Oh, and here he comes now! Hi, Nicky! Hancock: Hehe. Hey Nick. WAIT, NICK!?

I’m a fierce believer and defender of Smooth Brain Astarion (affectionate).

I love that, if left to his own devices, he ends up dead in a ditch. I love that this pasty menace of an elf is a walking disaster. I love that his brain produces one coherent thought per day, only to have it backfire on him later on. I love that his first choice in freedom is to unapologetically be the worst version of himself. Because it makes sense. 

That’s what abuse and trauma do to your brain—they fuck with it. 

And in Astarion’s defence, the man didn’t have to use his brain for nearly 200 years—it’s probably the very thing that kept him as alive as he can be; to survive 200 years of pure shit. 

And what use is his brain when his days and nights are dictated by someone else for as long as he can remember? When he has no say in what clothes he wears. When he doesn’t get to choose what or when to eat. When his body and mind aren’t his own, distorted by torture and hunger and self-loathing, forced to obey his vampiric master. Why use his brain when his survival depends exclusively on his abuser’s whims? 

Astarion could’ve come up with the most brilliant plan possible to escape Cazador or save a mark from their doom, but he never stood a chance of succeeding—which doesn’t mean that he didn’t get punished for trying (or even thinking about it) anyway.

Existing under Cazador was a game he couldn’t win, so why bother playing? 

And it’s only by chance that Astarion’s autonomy is returned to him literally overnight. It’s only natural that he’s overwhelmed by his newfound freedom. How is he expected to make sound decisions when he can’t even recall a time when he could do and say as he pleased? 

Of course Astarion is a walking disaster when he finds himself on that beach after the Nautiloid crash—and he’s fully aware of that! That’s why it’s so crucial for him to get on the player’s/other companion’s good side.

He’s self-aware enough to be so insecure about himself that he would rather trust a stranger’s capabilities than his own. 

Being a catastrophe of a person is part of Astarion’s character journey. Not only does he have to reclaim his personhood, he has to learn how to depend on his own brain again and I think that's such a painfully beautiful, important message Baldur’s Gate 3 sends. 

Because healing isn’t pretty. Nor is it easy.

You’re not alright the moment you’re free of whatever horrors you had to live through—and that’s ok! There’s time and room for you to adjust. 

And the moment Astarion feels more or less safe within his new environment, when he’s fed and treated like a person worthy of respect and consideration, his insights, skills and perception are crucial assets to the group.

Astarion knows his art and literature, and although his little remarks are unhinged at times, he's genuinely witty. Even his objections are, considering the circumstances, absolutely legitimate.

Personally, I love seeing Smooth Brain Astarion become more and more secure in his judgement the more Tav/other companions trust and support him.

Astarion is smart, his brain’s just been stewed for nearly 200 years.

(flip your phone for this one!)

wanted to post my first edit :)

am thinking about making a full length version but it'll entirely depend on my energy level (I've already edited another 20 seconds of this but no promisessss)