Bro Is An International Treasure

And that, kids, is how I came to unironically ship PartyVan

Pretty much perfect, I would like to protest the lack of gay in this summary though

Season 3 Elias is so goddamn fucking funny to me I forgot what a rollercoaster he was during my first listen.

Like the s2 finale has Jurgen Leitner giving Jon the whole "monsters are real speech" and Jon's like "I need a cigarette. NO ONE get brutal pipe murdered while I'm gone" and Jurgen fails step 1 because Elias walks in and grabs Jon's point-and-click-adventure pipe he'd been carrying around and Brutal Pipe Murders. Which, of course, Jon walks back in on and is prime suspect #1 due to literally every single feature trait and word he's said in the entirety of s2.

So naturally s3 starts with Jon on the lam and Officer Tonner like "I'm gonna arrest him for brutal pipe murder" and I'M like "Shit. I hate this. Elias is going to SO easily pin it on Jon and get away with it."

EXCEPT Elias walks in and is like "hello Ms. Officer no Jon Archivist did not kill that man, also I won't tell you anything else, also this is what you sound like" while reciting all her childhood trauma and all her illegal activity that will get HER sent to jail for brutal murder of the non-pipe variety and now I'm like "....huh." He's also like "Jon didn't do it but you can kill him if you want maybe :)" Elias your alibi????

And then we come BACK with Jon storming Elias's office with his two lesbian bodyguards as back up and he's like "I'm gonna use my powers to make you confess to pipe murder!" At which point Elias is like "It doesn't work on me. But I'm having fun so Martin go get everyone I need to tell you all how I committed pipe murder." and Martin does and Elias is like "Yes I pipe murdered. I also killed Gertrude. I love murder. You will not be compensated extra for this time. Get back to work." And they... DO... just go back to work. Because work is haunted. One of the lesbian police officers works here now, too. This just happened. "Also living dolls from Russia are about to Apocalypse the world, Jon go stop it," Elias says, while also saying "no I'm not gonna tell you how to stop it."

Okay???? Mr. Elias man??? And you're like "maybe he's a ruthless tactician? Maybe he's brutal but it's all in the interest of stopping the doll apocalypse??? He wants to save the earth???" Except THAT'S not even true it's actually more like he's trying to get the Russian dolls kicked out of line at Disney World so HE gets to meet Mickey Mouse first by which I mean, start his OWN Apocalypse, because if the dolls do it first well then what's the point of apocalypsing a planet that's become someone else's sloppy seconds.

Anyway Elias's master strategy here is to bring the human equivalent of a drowned cat to the gun fight and just sit back and watch Jon fall down every set of stairs he finds while Elias goes "This is good. This will work." His name isn't even fucking Elias.

I– I wish it was a Rickroll

things i’ll not call you a whore for:

sexual activity

how you dress

things i’ll call you a whore for:

stealing my food 

stealing my lemons

my cat likes you more than me

Real cause cringe is so dead :p

As 3 minions in a trenchcoat, I sympathise

Wait I actually really wanna see this now

One fun idea for a life series or Minecraft Challenge would be "High Life."

In which there is an overabundance of luxury high-tier items but a scarcity of food and other low-tier items, so the players have to play games, trade, or murder one another to get essential lower-tier items. Imagine being surrounded by diamonds but the only player with an iron pickaxe is on the other side of the map wasting it's durability on cobbled deepslate. Coal spawn rates would be depleted, making it difficult to obtain torches.

Gem is literally me

geminitay they could never make me hate you

AHHH I CANNOT WAIT TO READ CHALICE OF THE GODS

Person A: James

Person B: Sirius

Person C: Remus

Person B: Dom or sub?

Person A: I guess Domino's, since I don't go to Subway that much. Don't see why you'd put them in the same category though

Person C: I'm gonna tell them

Person B: Don't you fucking dare

can’t get smallidarity lesbians out of my head after the “good boy” “good girl” moment in impossible minecraft….

🗣️🗣️🗣️🔥🔥🔥

-⭐️