SCREAMING INTERNALLY AND EXTERNALLY EXISTENCE IS PAIN

Please do not laugh if I misspell something or if my device pronounces a word wrong. I am doing my best. It tends to make me feel self-conscious about using my device, which can make it harder for me to communicate effectively in the future.

I understand that mispronunciations and misspellings can be funny in some contexts, but when it's happening to me, it's not funny at all. It's actually quite embarrassing and it makes me feel like my communication efforts are not being taken seriously. Communication is such an important part of human interaction, and when you have to rely on a device to do it, it can already feel like a barrier. So when people react negatively to something that's already a struggle for me, it can be really discouraging.

I'm not writing this to shame anyone or make anyone feel bad. I just wanted to raise awareness about how these little moments can have a big impact on AAC users.

p e r r y hkkgfdshk

Me: I don't know which of these things is my favorite.

Also me: You can call both of them your favorite.

Me: No, whichever is my favorite defines me. And A has always been my favorite. B is more of a recent favorite.

Also me: ... why can't both be your favorite?

Me: BECAUSE MY FAVORITE DEFINES ME.

I want to talk about using AAC in public. This post wont have much about my personal experiences, it'll mostly be tips for AAC users using AAC in public. This post also is specifically referring to high tech AAC, not things like communication cards.

1. Being prepared is very important to successful communication in public (In general too, but in public especially!). This means making sure that your AAC device is charged and ready to use. It is also helpful to have a backup AAC in case your device malfunctions or runs out of battery. For example, you might have a printed version of your communication board, or maybe a backup app on your phone. This has been helpful for me a few times, I personally use the second option of having a backup app on my phone.

2. Prepare to probably have to repeat yourself if in a louder environment. You might need to turn up your devices volume or repeat yourself in noisy or crowded environments. It can be helpful to use headphones or earbuds to hear your device better in loud environments, I have personally never done this, but I think if you are only talking to one person, using wireless bluetooth earbuds from your device to them should work. If this doesn't work for you, and full volume still isnt loud enough, having the person you are speaking to view your message window might be helpful.

3. Be patient. Communication using AAC can take longer than oral speech. Becoming frustrated is perfectly understandable, and I become frustrated with my device taking longer sometimes too, but if you try your best to be patient with yourself, you'll likely be able to express and communicate better.

4. Use visual aids! Visual aids can be helpful for communicating as a nonspeaking person in public. For example, if you are trying to order food at a restaurant, you might use a picture of the item you want to order.

5. It is important to advocate for yourself and your communication needs. This might mean informing others of your communication needs and asking for accommodations. For example, you might ask for a quieter table at a restaurant so your device is more audible, or perhaps acsess to a charger in case it dies.

6. Practice. This tip isnt exclusive to using AAC publically, but it is really helpful for doing so. If you are learning another language, practicing will make you more efficient and fluent. The same goes for AAC! Practicing will mean you can find buttons easier, and therefore communicate faster.

7. This one.. isnt a tip. I just wanted to say that people WILL stare, and be confused, but that you are amazing, and your device is amazing. Don't be embarrassed of using AAC.

What no one tells you about being “pre-med” until you’re doing it

I realized I wanted to be a doctor when I was a junior in high school, many events happened to bring me to this realization; however I told myself that when I got to college, I was going to be a chemistry/biochemistry major and be “pre-med”–so when the time arrived, that’s what I did.

 “How do I maximize my chances of getting into medical school?” I thought. Make all A’s, get involved in lots of extracurricular activities, research and clinical volunteering. So, that’s what I did—for 4 years of undergrad, I was a machine. I figured if I kept working hard, I would eventually reach my goal of becoming a doctor. This is all true, however, no one tells you what isolating yourself and studying for extensive hours at a time can do to you. No one tells you about the hardships you will face along the way, the friends you will lose who “don’t understand why you study so much,” all the family events, functions, parties and birthday parties you miss out on because you’re “at the library.” The difficulties of dating while “pre-med” are real. I dated a couple of wonderful people, who each decided to break things off with me because I would be “leaving for medical school.” Being “pre-med” (and I am sure these same struggles continue on into medical school) can leave you feeling drained, depressed, stressed, lonely and feeling as though you are not really “being yourself” (due to the fact you are working so hard all the time and trying to balance everything).

There have been only a few times during my undergraduate career when the words, “I am done with studying” have been said. Those times are when the semester actually ended. I never believed I was truly ever done with studying, because there was always more I could review or more I could learn. Considering the “weed-out” classes you have to take can have up to a 70% fail rate (depending on your university), you can imagine the pressure of always wanting to ‘do more.’

Every test, is a weed out. I will never forget after taking many science tests, upon receiving our test grades, I would always over hear someone in the room break down and cry, saying that now they have to change their major or now they can’t be a doctor. It’s heartbreaking.

 The struggle, is REAL. It is HARD. And it requires an extensive amount of work. However, it can be done. The best way to get through it all without losing your sanity, is to have an amazing support group; whether that group is your family and/or best friends. Have people who you can go to about anything. I wouldn’t have made it through and gotten into medical school without my family and friends always being there for me and being understanding.

Also, make time to have fun! It sounds impossible, but it is absolutely necessary. Go out and do something fun with your friends at least once a week!

Don’t put more on your plate than you can handle, if you are involved in a lot of extracurricular activities and you realize you’re unhappy lately and feel like you never get any “me” time, drop some activities and MAKE “me” time, that’s important for your happiness and your mental health. Also, make time to exercise, even if it is going on a walk. Exercise is the best way to reduce stress, boost your mood, clear your mind and take care of your mental health.

Find a mentor, someone who has been through it before. Ask them any questions you have about classes or medical school. Relieve your stresses and anxiety and get yourself a mentor.

I wouldn’t change anything I did, except for making more time to workout and relieve some of that stress. If you want to be a doctor, go for it–the reward will be absolutely worth it in the end.

 My goal of this post was not to deter anyone who seeks to be a doctor away from medicine, but rather to fill you in on the struggles that no one tells you about and to provide some helpful solutions for getting through it.

Hopefully it helped provide some insight!

I love this so much, they are all so pretty 🩷

All the Historical Mermay’s together!

I had a lot of fun with this mermay prompt list by chloe.z.arts and they turned into a pretty cool collection of illustrations!

Prompt list by chloe.z.arts on instagram.

I am the artist! Do not post without permission & credit! Thank you! Come visit me over on: instagram.com/ellenartistic or tiktok: @ellenartistic

Ranting

I feel really sad lately. Feel almost alone because I feel like no one really understands me. I try to make friends online, but most people just blame me for things out of my control or just get upset with me because I struggle to take jokes or anything. I have two friends I really care about and I should be happy about that, but when they are busy I just feel even more alone. Feel like I'm almost dependent on other people which is bad and I need to fix that. I think I need to find happiness in myself, but it's so hard when you live with so much guilt and trauma. Feels like my own mind and skin is filthy and can't get clean so I crave other people to be around so I can take my mind off of it. I'm sorry to rant about this, I just don't know what else to do and wanted to get it off my chest and throw into void. I just feel scared to talk about my issues sometimes cause what if I word it wrong and someone gets mad at me? I'm sorry if this seems like a pity me or something, I just want to curl up in a ball and cry because feel sad, alone, and like I'm a bad person.

just because my aac device is a phone, doesn't mean it is any less crucial that i have it with me.

just because you understand what it is like to have your phone die. and understand that you've lost access to important text and call communication, as well as photos, bank stuff, social media etc, does NOT mean you get to say you know what it's like when my phone dies.

yeah, your phone has emotional and functional significance to you,

🌹but this is my fucking voice.

“glued to his phone” “so much screen time” "get off your phone and have a real conversation for once"

🌹this is my voice.

I'm so alone. I have fucking no one.