Prefacing This With The Usual "everyone Is Free To Enjoy The Story However They Want", But When It Comes

OK, now I’m screaming. I’m honoured. I can’t wait for the chapter. Also oh my, NOT my favourite trope which is Freud laughing from the background.

Sharing a WIP (chapter 5 of Canary in the coal mine ) cause I want people to read my shit. @empusium this is for you

It’s just Gojo bonding with his mother

Quick summary

In which Gojo is an award winning young author, who in order to write his last book, what he believes will be his magnum opus, decides to seek out and approach a highly sought after escort on whose experience he hopes to be able to base his novel.

JJK HOT TAKE #9

Megumi is the most well-developed character in Jujutsu Kaisen. The fact that he's an unlikable little twerp is actually why he's so well written. He's not meant to be appealing or likable or even cool. He's supposed to be a complex victim of trauma and child grooming. The fact that he doesn't just magically get over his trauma makes him a better character, because his human complexity arises from how much he self-sabotages constantly and how much he goes in circles and is unable to overcome all that trauma he's badly coping with.

Megumi's actually an extremely down to earth character and unique in shonen manga? He doesn't have an over the top dramatic backstory. He's not someone with a massive hero complex like Yuji who's also a science experiment from Kenjaku who was always intended to house sukuna. Megumi is just some orphaned kid. Yes, he happened to inherit the Zen’in clans most powerful technique but that made his life actively worse. Megumi is kind of just like a foster kid who was failed by the system and never had any real home or family or even adult caretakers and that's why he stands out in a cast full of very over the top characters.

I think a lot of people hate Megumi because he's very flawed in ways that uncomfortably remind them of themselves. It's cool to see yourself in Yuji or Nobara it's unbelievably cringe to find Megumi relatable.

I posted in the tags below my latest post phrase “transgender-“coded” character (socialised as man)” referring to Yashiro. And the moment I wrote it I felt that something is off (and kept overthinking it) but I wasn’t able to grasp it cause we use this phrase, right? There “shouldn’t” be any problem with that, right? But I kept thinking about it and I asked myself a very obvious question - was Yashiro really socialised as a man? Was he really raised and socialised according to gender norms on men and masculinity? And similarly obvious answer to that was - no, he wasn’t. He has always been an observer even to gender.

His whole life was about being treated as unintelligible (according to Riggs and Treharne’s theory of minority stress) and he’s also a perfect example of being an abject in Kristeva’s understanding of this term. He’s a subject (he’s human and should belong to himself) but at the same time an object - object that can be watched, used, treated with repulsion and contempt but because of this in-between existence - subject and object - the he as an abject can be desired, treated with curiosity, but still as an interesting phenomenon, anomaly, a display unit rather than a full-fledged human-being. The examples of groups treated as abjects are women, homosexual people and in general other discriminated groups. When we look at Y he’s at the same time a homosexual man but also he’s “not enough of a man” even without his homosexuality (actually bisexuality which is even “worse”; I’m also aware that those aspects can’t be really separated but for the sake of argument let’s treat them as such) he’s gender is a whole other conversation but while analysing him as a transgender women, we see how this only amplifies everything stated before.

But let’s get back to gender roles. Starting from his childhood, well it’s hard to talk about gender roles while talking about sexual abuse, but comments from his stepfather says a lot about social understanding of violence and its victims. He was raped cause “he was a girl” suggesting that, according to his stepfather’s reasoning, it wouldn’t have happened if he was a boy. We know nothing about other aspects of his childhood but it seems highly unlikely that he was taught and treated “as a boy” (understood as a form of upbringing that strengthens your sense of self-agency, that you have the right to *insert anything* and everything else we taught boys in patriarchal cultures).

During his high school he made himself an observer. He wasn’t part of any group, he didn’t socialise with “other boys” and the only interaction we see between him and the boys is while they mock and insult him. The object of these insults is also very important cause it’s linked to his sexuality, to his body (which is what he sells in their opinion)and he’s reduced to that and defined through that. Also his reaction seems to be important. What he “should” have done according to gender roles was showing aggression, deny “accusations” or act according to any other form of “masculine reaction”. But he’s reaction is a very interesting one and can be analysed through many different lenses but for this post I’m gonna stick with gender roles and abjection. By kissing the boy and grabbing his genitalia he at the same time grabbed him and dragged him to the space others have seen Y in. At the same time he was a subject, active party of interaction - he dragged a person who has (probably) always been treated as a subject from a position of an observer of an abject to the position of being observed in an interaction with the abject, so it presents a question of who is who, who observes who, who is a subject, a full person, and who is not - but at the same time Yashiro stayed in the same position, he amplified others’ contempt towards him, he cemented his position as an abject. Of course he was doomed from the start in this interaction but the action and resilience matters. At the same time a question about the nature of his reaction remains. It was a form of protest, an attempt to be intelligible but it was a form of sexual harassment nevertheless. How does that plays with gender roles? Was he an oppressor, a victim who was just fighting for oneself, both? Was he a “man” in this interaction or a “woman”?

And there’s Kageyama and oooh boy. I would love to say that he was different but as many others have already said - he wasn’t. Their relationship was based on pity towards Yashiro as a victim and his body. Actually without his body Kage wouldn’t even cross the line of being just “slightly better than the rest” random boy from Y class. That was Yashiro’s body that changed everything and Kage’s reaction to that was just pure objectification. Y’s body was a true piece on display. They hadn’t even been talking. To some extent yeah Kage acknowledged that the lack of judgment from Y was something he appreciated but isn’t it interesting that through staying silent Y remained in the position of an abject, the interesting object, but at the same time he could keep the scraps of the relationship. But the moment he decided to start talking, decided to tell something about himself as a person, a subject, and about his life, Kage decided to stop touching him and “started acting as some kind of a friend”. And we could look at it as something morally upright, but let’s be honest - Kage knew. He knew Yashiro was a survivor of abuse. Many instances of abuse. But Y was supposed to stay silent to keep the status quo. But he didn’t. What was left was pity but the abjection hasn’t stopped. You to see what I’m trying to say about gender roles here, right?

And then we have yakuza and ooooh. Many people have already written great analyses on Y, yakuza and gender norms, this so I’m not gonna repeat them. I can just comment on the moment he caught Misumi’s attention. It was his foot. You understand me, right? And then the whole cycle of abuse, being forced to join, not having any real choice, lack of ambition as not-fitting-for-the-yakuza-trait and everything else. Doumeki also perceived him through his beauty. Yeah, he saw more, but at the same time he didn’t and Y, even as a boss, wasn’t really in control. And then everything what is going on after the time skip but @nanayashi-agenda has written amazing commentaries on that (and on gender roles, Y position in the yakuza and everything actually) so, once again, I don’t want to repeat others (even though I’m well aware that without his posts I wouldn’t have been able to write this, so thank you).

So yeah, it was supposed to be short. And I don’t even know how to sum this up. Maybe that you could technically see this only as a homophobia but - was it really only that? Cause Y, his gender, his expression, the way he was treated, seems much more complex. Also he doesn’t WANT to be part of male-centred patriarchal organisation (I would even say that in this kind of world). It’s not about the need to be “a man” in a society and surroundings which just don’t let him, that’s not the case. He had always wanted to just be a subject with the real freedom of choices In his life. And once again - you get what I mean, right?

Side note: I’m aware that the Kristeva’s theory is much more complex, but I decided to stay on a basic level of that. Also I’m aware that this kind of understanding of socialisation to specific gender is simplified too cause actually many instances of people’s reaction to Y is because he was perceived as a man so the standards were according to that. What I wanted to say is that the gender assigned at birth doesn’t have to carry over one’s treatment during their earlier life and that it’s much more complex issue.

from the transgender reading perspective, the thing about yashiro's assumption that his stepfather hated the idea of his body becoming "male" which makes the emphasis so important, is that it's all it is - an assumption. not necessarily a wrong one, but one made three years later, specifically after (and because of?) experiencing a form of rejection by kageyama that yashiro ties to his bisexuality and, by extension, gender as well.

it's easy to read projection into it, at least to a degree. the feeling of wrongness in your own body, constant and unrelenting, that yashiro never puts into words. dysphoria, if i had to put it into one. because it's not just about becoming an adult, it's about becoming "a man", about puberty and changes that may have been unwanted. "he must have hated it, and part of me hates it too".

and that's the pattern. everything always, always circles back to "being a man" or rather - "not a (cis) woman". disgust, hatred, abuse, desirability as a sex object, and only as a sex object but never a person, are all easily explained and justified by that alone. yashiro thinks that kageyama stops touching him not just because he's bi, but because he's "a man who likes men". it's a wrong assumption, which is why kuga hurt as much as he did, but it's important that that's where yashiro's mind goes to and that it stays with him for years. how his stepfather actually felt doesn't matter, but if his hatred towards the changes in yashiro's body played any role in him leaving, then it's ultimately a good thing. still, though, that's where the mind goes. the connection between "maleness" and aversion, even when it may be desired, is always there. and it says more about yashiro's feelings than it does about anyone else's.

Sometimes I think about the fact that before Freud presented his Oedipus complex theory as an explanation of hysteria he was actually very invested in research on children sexual abuse and how that would be the cause of hysteric reaction during adulthood. He was in fact the one to advocate on “trusting the victim”. He himself stated that it would be impossible for the survivors to lie as they 1) mostly wouldn’t even remember the fact of abuse 2) when suggested by therapist that the incest or other form of sexual abuse might have happened during their childhood, survivors would do EVERYTHING to deny that form of possibility (because the memory of it would be too traumatic to even consider let alone to recall) 3) only after very specific form of therapeutic approach survivors would recall some aspects of the abuse and ALSO 4) it would be impossible for the therapist to induce this kind of memory because, as stated by Freud, suggestion never succeeded in evoking this kind of real reaction unless the abuse had happened.

And it’s so interesting that he dropped this because he thought that the statistics just COULDN’T possibly be true as the numbers suggested that the majority of women were taken advantage of during their childhood. Also he was a coward and was afraid that others doctors (men) wouldn’t approve this (and he was probably right).

And what’s the most fascinating aspect of it is how psychology would look like if he suggested the former explanation, if he presented it instead of the Oedipus complex explanatory which states that hysteria was all about the “natural children’s fantasies” and other bullshit. I mean we still use this theory even though we have a clear evidence of how it was a “substitute theory”. Ofc I’m well aware of other usages of this theory, but how the former theory would affect believing the victims? How much further we would be, even in psychology, if Freud hadn’t had dropped his former understanding of hysteria? Would the stigma around hysteria and being “hysteric” be any different? Would he be even famous if he presented the former theory?

You mention polyamory in the tag of your previous ask but D made it clear that he doesn’t want that and doesn’t that matter? I don’t think Y genuinely wanted an open relationship either considering his reactions about d with other people.

it does matter that doumeki is monogamous and it's perfectly fine to want that type of relationship, i'm sure that in ideal circumstances that's what yashiro would want too. my issue is that it was never even discussed. well, not that there was ever a proper conversation about dating in general, so it's part of a bigger problem. like, yes, doumeki makes it very clear what he wants, right before having sex with yashiro that he never explicitly consents to. it's not really a "let's talk about how i can be with you in a meaningful way that works for us both", right? doumeki wants something and takes it, and that's the end of it. something to be said about how much that conversation revolves specifically around yashiro's body, too. it's always about the body at the end of the day. so, yeah, i'm not saying that polyamory would've fixed anything, it wouldn't actually work, but that's interesting in itself

regarding an open relationship, i meant it in a more one-sided way, where yashiro is still free to have sex with other men. "unfair", yes, not exactly healthy, but neither is what he and doumeki have currently. i guess to me this form of compromise just feels natural, considering everything. sex for yashiro isn't just about his physical needs after all. it's also about getting information or forming useful connections. body as a tool, body as a payment. i don't think it's a stretch to say that sex work is part of yashiro's yakuza work. then there's the whole question of how much of it he actually wants, how often it's not entirely up to him, how his feelings have nothing to do with it and so on. it's complicated, and i think if doumeki understood it even a little bit (which he doesn't) he would consider being with yashiro without demanding to be his only sexual partner, even if it would be hard for him. we're talking about a man who's willing to make (some) sacrifices and die for yashiro after all. but then again, dying for someone doesn't require understanding them, so i guess in a way it's easier

i agree that yashiro doesn't genuinely want an open relationship (in this case i mean one where they both sleep with other people), but i do think that if it came to that he'd be able to make this work. as much as it hurts him to see doumeki with other people, he doesn't lash out on him for that and usually just distances himself to try work things out. it's very different from how doumeki reacts and acts on his feelings. even when yashiro's cornered and actually expresses his anger and frustration, he still agrees that it's none of his business who doumeki has sex with when asked directly instead of snapping at him for the hypocrisy. so again, i agree that an open relationship is not ideal and not something either of them genuinely want, but i do think that with enough effort and communication yashiro would be able to make it work if it came to that. doumeki wouldn't, thought

“We all are drama queens” is actually a quote from Carol Steinberg Gould’s article “Why the Histrionic Personality Disorder Should Not Be in the DSM: A New Taxonomic and Moral Analysis” and that’s the reason I would love to do science. Just to include sassy remarks.

https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Carol-Gould/publication/344312232_HistrionicPDand_DSMgould/links/5f664b93458515b7cf4044f6/HistrionicPDand-DSMgould.pdf

something that caught my attention while rereading though they drift, they do not sink, but nor do they sing is that yashiro never refers to his stepfather as, well, his stepfather. neither out loud when he tells kageyama about the abuse, nor in his thoughts. he calls him his mother's husband instead (再結婚相手, so second marriage partner if you want to be literal), which is interesting, right? there's this refusal to draw a direct familial connection, he's just a man yashiro's mother married. that's all there is to it.

it's different with doumeki, though. when yashiro tells him about the abuse, he calls the man simply his father (父親) at first, then notices this... slip up, almost? and specifies - stepfather. whether it's because yashiro accepted that it wasn't just some man who had nothing to do with him, but rather a parent, someone who's supposed to be caring and protective, or because the little pretend game of familial connections in the yakuza made the word "father" so inescapable that there's no point in avoiding it anymore, i don't know. probably both.

it's important that yashiro opened up to doumeki specifically, too. every other instance where he thinks or talks about his abuse, both with aoi and misumi, he doesn't reference his stepfather at all. it's just this vague "when i was a kid i was violated by a man. that's all". there's no clear timeframe and no way to even tell if he's referring to a specific man or not (as in, no clear distinction whether "man" is singular or plural). it feels almost impersonal. the only people who get to learn the truth, in yashiro's usual dismissive tone, but with enough details to make it something that they have to look at, are the man yashiro was in love with and someone reminiscent of him. neither kageyama nor doumeki know what to do with it, though.

Oh yes, I’ve been thinking about it whole day. Actually it’s so interesting that even though it’s such an obvious parallel and it’s such an important parallel in Y and D relationship I’m so invested in Yashiro’s impotency as a symptom of his own psychological health and his process of healing and letting pieces of his trauma to his consciousness that the “one and only” trope in that aspect is completely secondary to me. Not even secondary but a play on that trope even. And Y’s reaction to Doumeki’s questions about it makes it even more evident. It’s not a revelation to him, it’s not about “getting together” after revealing the secret. It’s much more about the expectations which Yashiro seems to be so aware. I mean, he in a way seems to be aware of the trope (and that’s so amazingly meta). The whole conversation about his orgasms, his “body reactions” to Doumeki seems to sadden him. And I know it has many layers to it and the sadness also consists emotions and thoughts about Doumeki and their relationship but it seems mich more loaded and much more about being reduced to a body for the nth time. Also there seems to be a need even from Yashiro to be only his body. To trust it and even reduce himself to its reactions cause it would make things so much easier and he’s been doing that for such a long time that it’s a safe mechanism (“safe” meaning a coping mechanism which enable you to survive in a least painful way in your current circumstances). But he’s aware that he can’t do that. It’s not that simple and he’s too far in the process of processing trauma to ignore the internal conflict. To ignore every contradicting aspect in his emotional reactions and his bodily reactions to reduce it only to his relationship with Doumeki. It’s about himself. About his “inability to change” even though it’s such an evident symptom of healing. But he can’t be understood, he can’t satisfy even himself, he can’t be “a good slut”, he can’t be “Doumeki’s woman”, he can’t be neither. He’s stuck. As always stuck in-between space.

i'm aware that yashiro's inability to get an erection during and after the time skip is heavily playing into the whole "doumeki is the only one" narrative, but i don't think it's that simple

The fact that neither Geto’s nor Gojo’s body belong to themselves after death is something I’m not normal about.