I Got It Now. This Unreplied Message Is The Beginning Point When I Decided I Shouldnt Start The Conversation

I'm learning Spanish. ¡HOLA AMIGOS!

Hey there, I hope you are doing well. I'm writing this post asking for a help. Yes, I need a help. I'm thinking of taking an additional language as one of the course for my university. The choices I have are French, Germany and Spanish. But the problem is that I'm not familiar with any of this languages. I understand that knowing an additional language will help me a lot in my future. But at the same time, I'm very worried about how I'm going to learn a language that is completely new to me among my never ending assignments and exams. I don't know what choice I should make. I don't want to give up on learning a new language but at the same time I'm so scared. Please help me make a decision.

~

Those who I thought as cruel people turned out to be those with a good heart. And those who I thought as kind people turned out to be the most scary and unkind people I ever know. Life hit me hard once again.

I want to believe myself more

Today I was asked if I want to take in charge of this certain part of the project. The first thing that came out of my mouth when I was encountered with such thing is that "Me?". Just one word, but it made me see how much lack confidence I have on myself. I was in doubt if I can do it. But I want to believe myself more. I'm so afraid of getting lost. I wish to be more courageous, even when I know for sure I'll get lost. I still want to be lost and find the way back. I wish I'm brave enough to do that.

😠😥😒

For the first time today I cried while talking to my mom after joined KMM. I always be very careful not to make my mom feel worried about me in KMM. But today I really couldnt control and I bursted out crying. I'll never forget this day. Those who made me cry be ready. I'll make sure you pay back for making me cry and making my mom feel worried too. Damn because of some useless selfish bitches i cried today and make my mom feel worried too. I make sure you all answer for this.

I want both

When I was there today, standing along the shore and doing sampling, I didn't wanted to leave the ocean. I was standing inside the water a bit farther from the shore but not that much. When i turned around and look at the vast ocean, it looked beautiful. The weather was also perfect today, neither too sunny nor cloudy at all. And the timing was also perfect. The chill and waves that were hitting my legs, I didn't wanted to move away from it. Even a step. That's when I thought of it. That I want my future self to do this too. Of course, I want to do laboratory work. I have imagined myself working in a laboratory environment countless times. I have no doubt in that. But after today, it made me realize that I want both. I do want to work in a laboratory but don't want to do it all the times. I also want to come out and work in the field. Meet small to big creatures to see what they're up to and let the wind pass through me. Get myself wet from playing/working in the ocean and get myself tired by fighting the waves just so I can have a good night's sleep. When my tired self comes home, I want to give myself a hot shower and full filling meal and then blop! I want to drop myself on my bed and sleep with no alarm set. Then, once I'm awake, I want to go the laboratory and take a closer look at the new creatures I found. That is how I would like to live. I don't want to spend the whole time stuck in the laboratory. Neither do I want to spend my whole time in the field. I want to do a job which balances both. I want to find pleasure by doing both. At least, that's what I believe.

There are some shots from today!! 💙

Also they was something about the ocean that made me feel weird. Made me feel somehow dizzy. I felt like floating. Today was the first time I'm stepping and standing in the ocean (minusing the time we did sampling for Dr. Mel's fieldwork session) after my diving practice. It somehow felt weird and calming at the same time.

I always wants to be a part of them. But in the end, I only able to look from a far. It's starting to get annoyed with this way

It was a deep silent. I could hear my clocks ticking. Both of its hands were running uninterruptedly. It reminded me only one thing that I'm running out of time. "I'm running out of time".

삭지니 ❤ https://pin.it/4i7kusfopqagtv

“Really high-minded people are indifferent to happiness, especially other people's.” 

-Bertrand Russell