BUCKLE IN WE’RE IN FOR A LONG, WILD RIDE

Wait wait wait. Who is Tag and Bink???

BUCKLE IN WE’RE IN FOR A LONG, WILD RIDE

i’ve talked about Tag and Bink before in tidbits here: 1, 2, 3

so THIS is Tag Greenley and Bink Otauna, aka the most IMPORTANT characters in the Star Wars franchise. (they’re also canonically both latino written by a latino writer and drawn by a latino artist but that’s less important)

These two are the cause of nearly every problem in the entire Star Wars franchise while also being the solution to every plot hole they’ve ever had. They are the leading characters in a short run 2006 comic series called Tag & Bink Were Here. The story basically goes through the OT as we follow these two as Rebel soldiers running around undercover as stormtroopers and cause chaos through sheer dumbass duo shenanigans. Along the way they pretty much start accidental beef with everyone they come across. These two have been in Vader’s presence 4 times and lived, they’ve been pursued by both Boba and Jango Fett and survived. I won’t go into all of them but when I say they solve every plot hole in Star Wars, I mean they solve ALL of them. 

What stormtroopers would be oblivious enough to let Obi-Wan sneak past them on the Death Star? Tag and Bink!

Who shot C-3PO on Cloud City? these two, obviously.

Who stole the Imperial ship for the Rebellion? 

Why was Boba Fett, the most dangerous bounty hunter in the galaxy, taken out so easily by a blind guy waving a stick? (won’t spoil this one but it’s pretty funny)

Eventually their story leads to them ranking up as the Emperor’s Red Guards 

only to reveal at the very end that they were YOUNGLINGS, once upon a time.

They’ve known each other their whole lives and have pretty much been each other’s closest and only friends. Apparently they struggled at the Jedi Temple. like.. BADLY. It’s also implied that they were bullied by the other youngings/padawans and also that none of their teachers/masters really paid attention to them. They are also the explanation of the Rishi Maze File’s disappearance, which they accidentally deleted while trying to study at the Temple library. They were scared enough to try to run away from the Temple temporarily, which led to them getting chased down by Jango Fett. They finally lose Jango but run straight into a young Anakin Skywalker. Which leads to the greatest retcon of all time:

ANAKIN’S ROMANTIC DIALOGUE IS SO DUMB AND TERRIBLE BECAUSE TWO 10 YEAR-OLDS WROTE IT FOR HIM. 

the explanation on why they help him break the Jedi Code kills me every time. Also they wrote every cringe romance line EXCEPT for the worst one:

And how did Anakin repay these two children for helping him win the love of his life, you ask? By running off to Tattooine after having mommy nightmares and leaving them stranded on Naboo after he forgot about them when the Clone Wars started and replacing them with another sassy child. Understandably pissed, these two crawl their way back to the Jedi Temple to give him a piece of their mind, which takes them 3 whole years because intergalactic war had broken out. And the day they make it back to the steps of the Jedi Temple? Same day Palpatine executed Order 66. Of course, they run right into Anakin in full murder-mode, but become the ONLY people Anakin spared after turning to the Dark Side. Their reward for helping Anakin get laid was to not get killed. Tag and Bink are the founders and leaders of the Screwed-Over-By-Anakin-Club, worsened by the fact that Bink is Alderaanian and lost his family/planet to Vader.

So they may have unintentionally caused the Fall of the Jedi and Republic by going to the library to study, but they also caused the Fall of the Empire in the same stroke, as they are the very reasons that Luke and Leia even exist. 

We haven’t even gotten to the part where Tag and Bink exist as Force-sensitives as an unnoticed byproduct of Darth Plagueis (The Wise) messing with Force manipulation. Which is.. incredibly hysterical that the biggest scariest Sith Lord brought down the entire Sith Empire by sheer accident while messing with his evil magic science experiments. 

The best part? TAG AND BINK ARE CANON. They were in a scene in the Han Solo movie, which was unfortunately removed from the final cut. BUT they made it to the novelization and visual dictionary. There was plans for another 3-part comic to be made about them causing havoc in the Sequel Trilogy, which never saw the light of publication, but the author Kevin Rubio says that Tag and Bink solve THIS plothole:

and the author also encourages fans that these two stormtroopers who noped out on Anakin’s grandson’s temper tantrum are also Tag and Bink:

but anyways, in conclusion if you wanna see two himbos with major Side Character Syndrome while being massively underappreciated (Din wants what they have) running around causing problems just click the link to the full free comic series online: X