I Would Be Whipped If I Said Them

“We need fantasy to survive because reality is too difficult.”

— Lady Gaga

I am trying. Truly. I'm doing my best, I hope that's enough.

I have a distinct memory of laying in my bed as a kid and wishing with all my heart that I would get hurt. That I would get into a bad car crash or I'd disappear. So my parents would cry and realize they didn't cherish me enough.

I find it sad that younger me thought she had to get hurt to feel loved.

“How many people have died to achieve this world domination of yours?” “769.” “…What?” “769 people died to achieve my plans. I counted them, and had each of their names etched on my throne so I never forget what my victory cost the world. Now tell me, how many have you killed to see me dead?”

“There’s always a little truth behind “just kidding”, a little knowledge behind “I don’t know”, a little emotion behind “I don’t care”, and a little pain behind “It’s okay”.”

— Unknown

you didn't say goodbye and part of me believes that means you are coming back

warning, im gonna vent a lil

it’s really hard to comprehend how much i truly mean to someone. someone who was there since day one, who i’ve known all my life. they are the only person who knows me inside out and stayed when they saw who i really was. they liked me for me, and they never judged me a day in the years we spent together. how could someone leave after all that time?

all those promises, all those nights they reassured me that they’d never leave. that they’d never abandon me like everyone else did. all those nights i sobbed to them that i was scared that they’d leave, the same nights they’d convince me they were here to stay. even after all that, they still left. all those promises, all the things they had ever said to me meant nothing. i meant nothing to them.

and it’s not cruel that they left, it’s cruel because i wholeheartedly believed them.