Have You Ever Realised How Little You Actually Know. Like I've Lived In The Same Area All My Life And

i love and hate having a crush, idk why my heart feels heavy. like im not that good at speaking to people irl but i'm crazy over text, but with him i'm so nervous i can't even do that? its a different kind of torture - and then the few times everything goes well though i'm super happy but then also scared to death of saying something wrong so i pretend to fall asleep or be busy or something like that. it's weird how i feel like i'm barely hanging on to composure and he's nonchalant and uncaring

messing up every relationship with another human being i have out of self hatred check

notes for future me (because 2022 is in three hours)

New Years Eve 2021 - 9pm

-confidence - work on speaking to people, noones going to hold your awkwardness over your head

(and anyone who does deserves to have all their movies spoiled and their favourite characters brutally murdered)

- study your ass off - this is your last year in secondary school. do well on your gcses and mocks. make it count, you want that scholarship you have to work for it. - you do you - let’s try to be ourselves and not care too much about other people and their irrelevant opinions this year and never cry over those who are undeserving Next year I want to sincerely better myself, please work on yourself too.  I’ll see you next year ~ Amimi

what do you mean it’s half term break?

bruh, do your work to *the best of your ability* and then enjoy your break, we don’t like slackers who do everything last minute (remember to take breaks inbetween short periods of working)

i really dislike it when people don’t understand perfectionism.

like, it isn’t always “person who has tons of motivation and spends a ton of time making this thing *just* right”

wayyyyyy more often than not it’s:

”I know that if I try to make this thing, it won’t be perfect, so I simply won’t try.”

which definitely sounds bad, right? but when you realize that it doesn’t just apply to voluntarily making art, then you realize how perfectionism is not at all a good thing in any context. 

“i know that if I try to work on this assignment right now, it won’t be good enough, so i’ll wait until the last possible moment so that I have something forcing me to do it.”

”i know that I should start going to the gym, but I won’t see any improvement right away, so I just won’t.”

”i know that i should brush my teeth tonight, but that won’t be good enough to undo the fact that i haven’t brushed them 4 days in a row, so I just won’t.”

perfectionism isn’t the uncontrollable impulse to make things “just right”. (although it can occasionally manifest as this.)

perfectionism is the absolute, psychological inability to accept the concepts of “good enough” and “better than nothing”. even when you spell it out for yourself in a long text post like this.

1st of september is like the new year to me

latin phrases worth knowing:

(in case you wanted to know because i fucking love this language) 

ad astra per aspera - to the stars through difficulties 

alis volat propriis - he flies by his own wings 

amantium irae amoris integratio est - the quarrels of lovers are the renewal of love 

ars longa, vita brevis - art is long, life is short 

aut insanity homo, aut versus facit - the fellow is either mad or he is composing verses 

dum spiro spero - while I breathe, I hope 

ense petit placidam sub libertate quietem - with the sword, she seeks peace under liberty 

exigo a me non ut optimus par sim sed ut malis melior - I require myself not to be equal to the best, but to be better than the bad

experiential docet - experience teaches 

helluo librorum - a glutton for books (bookworm) 

in libras libertas - in books, freedom 

littera scripta manet - the written letter lasts 

mens regnum bona possidet - an honest heart is a kingdom in itself 

mirabile dictu - wonderful to say 

nullus est liber tam malus ut non aliqua parte prosit - there is no book so bad that it is not profitable in some part 

omnia iam fient quae posse negabam - everything which I used to say could not happen, will happen now 

poeta nascitur, non fit - the poet is born, not made 

qui dedit benificium taceat; narrat qui accepit - let him who has done a good deed be silent; let him who has received it tell it 

saepe ne utile quidem est scire quid futurum sit - often, it is not advantageous to know what will be 

sedit qui timuit ne non succederet - he who feared he would not succeed sat still 

si vis pacem, para bellum - if you want peace, prepare for war 

struit insidias lacrimis cum feminia plorat - when a woman weeps, she is setting traps with her tears 

sub rosa - under the rose 

trahimir omnes laudis studio - we are led on by our eagerness for praise

urbem latericium invenit, marmoream reliquit - he found the city a city of bricks; he left it a city of marble 

ut incepit fidelis sic permanet - as loyal as she began, so she remains

this. i can't tell whether its bad or whether i hate myself

I feel like my arts been looking worse than usual

not mine, all credit goes to the original creators i just thought they were beautiful

the rain slips from stone unto my skin, while the musk of coffee trails behind each step, as the old books in my cotton bag are kissed by the rain themselves.

ig: rosenaufsuden