Future-cutie - That Bitch

Can someone tell me it’s ok that I typed the wrong federalist paper number on my AP gov exam cause I’m bout to cry cry.

Guess what you dumb whores (I say that lovingly) I found even more to hate about myself low key didn’t trying it was possible but I looked in the fucking mirror and I’m never losing my virginity since so one should even have to see my body naked✌🏽🤗😚 👅

I honestly and truthfully hate myself.

My hair:

I’m black and I get perms and I really wanna go natural. Told my mom and she told me that if u were to go natural all I would do was get made fun of. My relaxed hair grows so fucking slow and turns nappy really quick so when I get sew-ins you can tell the difference and I already get made fun of for that plus my fave is already fat and the only thing that makes it look slightly better is my hair. Yikes

My body:

I’m fat. I have scars everywhere. My thighs look like drum sticks. I have hip dips and that plus the way I already look makes me go from a 1 to a -12. I have stretch marks literally make me look so fucking disgusting and I have so many that I know that none of them are going away even when I lose weight. SOMETHING SO SIMPLE AS MY FINGERS ARE EVEN A FUCKING DISAPPOINTMENT. my fingers couldn’t be fucking normal and straight and have of them if curved. My fucking nails are just annoying. My sister lifted my shirt and goes oh I thought ur stomach plugged out a lot more than that.

My skin:

My pores are fucking huge. Every time I shave you can see the pores in my leg from a mile away and it looks like a have a fucking disease, I have bad hygiene and I don’t take care of my skin and it’s fucking disgusting.

My face:

My acne is so bad. My hyperpigmentation has literally ruined any confidence I had left. My teeth are ducked up and the adults in my fucking house hold refuse to get me a dentist appointment.my nose literally is a pig nose which makes it SOOOOO much better bc I am a fucking pigs. My eyes are this dull dark brown. Not that beautiful hazel color that everyone loves it just plain and fucking boring.

There is nothing for anyone to love about me. There’s nothing for me to love about my self.

The 3d thinks it’s funny and kekeing. I manifest that I won the lottery and I did…. I just won a free ticket. Ah hahaha.

Skinny girl food/drink

Foods:

Salad (no dressing) (30kcal)

Broccoli (around 35kcal/100g)

Cauliflower (25kcal/100g)

Tomatoes (22kcal/avarage tomatoe)

Zucchini (16kcal/100g)

Strawberries (4 kcal each)

Berries (33 kcal/100g)

Carrots (44kcal/100g)

White rice (134kcal/100g)

Grapes (69kcal/100g)

Sweet pepper (20kcal/100g)

Sweet corn (84kcal/100g)

Apple (72kcal/ avarage apple)

Drinks:

Water and tea. Helps losing weight and makes you feel full.

Stay safe🖤

I have the urge to manipulate someone

My mom just notice I’ve lose weight and I’m dying inside from happiness. But she just told me to keep it up so that means more fasting and working out.

Sigh.

I'm putting this here because my therapist said I should. Am stressed. I failed the bar in February and as a result, I lost my job. I've been trying to study and I have a job lined up to start in August (I was supposed to start a while ago but I was so incredibly ill, we had to push it back).

As of right now, I'm officially out of money. Bills are still coming in and I had to spend a bit on meds when I was So Fucking Ill the last few weeks. I wasn't able to do as much work on art and furniture flipping as I'd have liked. When I try, I tend to overwork myself and relapse into The Sickness.

So uh.

Therapist said I should give you guys my kofi link. I feel dumb asking, but if you like me or my writing and want me to continue having things like internet and running water..bbbbuy me a coffee? Is that the line?

Not at all required, I love you all.

I'm just struggling right now and just need to make it by until the job starts in August.

Ko-fi

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Tomorrow is the start of something new and good.

Tomorrow is the start Of not dealing with my crazy sister trying to make me eat and become crazy obese to the point where death is one pound away.

Tomorrow is the start where I will be happier and I won’t be afraid to check the scale because I know I’m losing weight.

Tomorrow is the start of my self love journey.

Tomorrow is the start of a better me.

This is Money Snake. She only appears every 312 years. 

If you reblog her picture within the next twenty-five seconds you will have good luck and fortune for the rest of your life. 

When I say I binged

I do not mean I sniffed a coconut for too long and now I’m 2 calories above my limit.

I mean I devoured bowl after bowl of pasta, cut my mouth on packet after packet of crisps, licked the crumbs that fell off cookie after cookie, ate mass amounts of frozen, raw, stale, gross ass food until it was spilling out my esophagus, all with a blank stare and a stomach and mind screaming at me to stop.

Binging is excessive, painful, compulsive eating that makes you feel like an embarrassing fat piece of shit.

It is not 4 more strawberries than you planned.