Goodnight

I honestly and truthfully hate myself.

My hair:

I’m black and I get perms and I really wanna go natural. Told my mom and she told me that if u were to go natural all I would do was get made fun of. My relaxed hair grows so fucking slow and turns nappy really quick so when I get sew-ins you can tell the difference and I already get made fun of for that plus my fave is already fat and the only thing that makes it look slightly better is my hair. Yikes

My body:

I’m fat. I have scars everywhere. My thighs look like drum sticks. I have hip dips and that plus the way I already look makes me go from a 1 to a -12. I have stretch marks literally make me look so fucking disgusting and I have so many that I know that none of them are going away even when I lose weight. SOMETHING SO SIMPLE AS MY FINGERS ARE EVEN A FUCKING DISAPPOINTMENT. my fingers couldn’t be fucking normal and straight and have of them if curved. My fucking nails are just annoying. My sister lifted my shirt and goes oh I thought ur stomach plugged out a lot more than that.

My skin:

My pores are fucking huge. Every time I shave you can see the pores in my leg from a mile away and it looks like a have a fucking disease, I have bad hygiene and I don’t take care of my skin and it’s fucking disgusting.

My face:

My acne is so bad. My hyperpigmentation has literally ruined any confidence I had left. My teeth are ducked up and the adults in my fucking house hold refuse to get me a dentist appointment.my nose literally is a pig nose which makes it SOOOOO much better bc I am a fucking pigs. My eyes are this dull dark brown. Not that beautiful hazel color that everyone loves it just plain and fucking boring.

There is nothing for anyone to love about me. There’s nothing for me to love about my self.

Restaurants Safe Foods Masterpost

Food from my master post, this is just so you don’t have to scroll through the whole thing if you didn’t want to on my masterpost

A&W

Applebees

Arbys

Bojangles

Burger King

Bj’s

Carrabas

Cheddars

Chick-Fil-A

Chilis

Chipotle

Chuck E Cheese

Cici’s

Cracker Barrel

Culivers

Dairy Queen/Orange Julius

Denny’s

Dominos

Dunkin Donuts

Fire House Subs

Five Guys

Fuddruckers

Golden Coral

Hard Rock

In and Out Burger

IHOP

Jasons Deli

KFC

Krispy Kreme

Little Caesers

Krystals

Logans Road House

Long Horn Steak House

McAlisters Deli

McDonalds

Movie Theaters

Olive Garden

Outback Steak House

Panda Express

Panera Bread Co.

Papa Johns

Papa Murphys

Pizza Hut

Popeyes

PF Changs

Red Robins (yuUUMMM)

Ruby Tuesday

Sonic

Steak and Shake

Subway

Taco Bell

Texas Road House

Tim Hortons

Waffle House

Wendy’s

White Castle

Zaxbys

Guess what you dumb whores (I say that lovingly) I found even more to hate about myself low key didn’t trying it was possible but I looked in the fucking mirror and I’m never losing my virginity since so one should even have to see my body naked✌🏽🤗😚 👅

I honestly and truthfully hate myself.

My hair:

I’m black and I get perms and I really wanna go natural. Told my mom and she told me that if u were to go natural all I would do was get made fun of. My relaxed hair grows so fucking slow and turns nappy really quick so when I get sew-ins you can tell the difference and I already get made fun of for that plus my fave is already fat and the only thing that makes it look slightly better is my hair. Yikes

My body:

I’m fat. I have scars everywhere. My thighs look like drum sticks. I have hip dips and that plus the way I already look makes me go from a 1 to a -12. I have stretch marks literally make me look so fucking disgusting and I have so many that I know that none of them are going away even when I lose weight. SOMETHING SO SIMPLE AS MY FINGERS ARE EVEN A FUCKING DISAPPOINTMENT. my fingers couldn’t be fucking normal and straight and have of them if curved. My fucking nails are just annoying. My sister lifted my shirt and goes oh I thought ur stomach plugged out a lot more than that.

My skin:

My pores are fucking huge. Every time I shave you can see the pores in my leg from a mile away and it looks like a have a fucking disease, I have bad hygiene and I don’t take care of my skin and it’s fucking disgusting.

My face:

My acne is so bad. My hyperpigmentation has literally ruined any confidence I had left. My teeth are ducked up and the adults in my fucking house hold refuse to get me a dentist appointment.my nose literally is a pig nose which makes it SOOOOO much better bc I am a fucking pigs. My eyes are this dull dark brown. Not that beautiful hazel color that everyone loves it just plain and fucking boring.

There is nothing for anyone to love about me. There’s nothing for me to love about my self.

My calorie limit is supposed to be 337 but I ate chick fil a today and that’s over 1000 calories. Plus I’ve been to lazy to work out and now I gotta go extra hard tomorrow and all next week to make up for what I today. Plus tomorrow is my last day of school which means 3 months of working my ass off

you have been visited by the seven magic dragon balls your biggest wish will be granted but only if you reblog

I can't rebrand my whole blog and just leave my past followers in the dust. I hope everyone takes care of themselves and remember that I love you not matter what and I want all of you safe.

Eating Disorder Recovery Websites

1) http://eatingdisorderrecovery.com/index.php/home - Features a free eating disorder recovery workbook that helps you manage eating disorder symptoms. Includes blogs to help inspire eating disorder recovery. Allows visitors to post and discuss problems and questions in a forum that is monitored.

2) http://www.recoveryboat.com/ - A website that offers peer support for eating disorder recovery. This site includes a forum for those struggling. It also provides basic information about eating disorders for those suffering and those supporting a loved one who is suffering. Lastly, it provides some therapy exercises that can help overcome eating disorder behaviours and symptoms.

3)      http://www.something-fishy.org/ - An all exclusive website that provides a treatment finder, forums, eating disorder information, hotlines, and more. This site even includes resources for books and self-help worksheets to help combat eating disorder symptoms and behaviours.

4) http://www.webiteback.com/ - A pro-recovery website that exists to help others overcome their eating disorder and to combat pro-ana websites. This site provides a forum for users to post on to get advice and share struggles of their eating disorder. This site also provides an extensive resource list for those struggling.

5)  http://www.nedic.ca/index.shtml – The National Eating Disorder Information Centre. This website features all you need to know about eating disorders. It has a resource library that includes links on where to get help. NEDIC runs public service announcements and campaigns that you can get involved with in your own community.

6) http://www.eatingdisordersblogs.com/ - This site is a compilation of blogs written by different people to help inspire you to overcome your eating disorder. You can find blogs written by Doris Smeltzer, Karen Koenig, and even Jenni Schaefer. These blogs provide information on eating disorders, skills you can use to recover, and resources you can access.

7) http://www.mirror-mirror.org/ - This is a site dedicated to help promote awareness for eating disorders. It helps to educate about the dangers of eating disorders. It also has links to resources on getting support for your eating disorder. It provides information on relapses and has a relapse prevention plan. It gives a lot of ideas on coping skills to deal with the hard emotions you feel instead of using eating disorder symptoms.

8) http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/ - This website is dedicated to advocacy for eating disorder recovery. It provides resources to help teach about what eating disorders really look like. This site provides resources for recovery as well. This is the organization that holds the National Eating Disorder Awareness Week, held at the end of February. This site provides stories of hope that encourages others to seek out recovery.

9) http://eatingdisorderscoalition.org/ - Advocacy at its best! This site is your guide to help get legislators and representatives to hear your voice and get legal action for eating disorder help and recovery. You can find facts and information about eating disorders on this site. You can learn how you can advocate and lobby for eating disorder recovery at the federal and state level.

10) http://www.mentorconnect-ed.org/ - A website that pairs mentors and mentees together to help support those in eating disorder recovery. The purpose is to pair those who have been in recovery and those who are struggling with an eating disorder to share experiences, provide guidance and to help each other through the journey of recovery. 

Sigh.

I'm putting this here because my therapist said I should. Am stressed. I failed the bar in February and as a result, I lost my job. I've been trying to study and I have a job lined up to start in August (I was supposed to start a while ago but I was so incredibly ill, we had to push it back).

As of right now, I'm officially out of money. Bills are still coming in and I had to spend a bit on meds when I was So Fucking Ill the last few weeks. I wasn't able to do as much work on art and furniture flipping as I'd have liked. When I try, I tend to overwork myself and relapse into The Sickness.

So uh.

Therapist said I should give you guys my kofi link. I feel dumb asking, but if you like me or my writing and want me to continue having things like internet and running water..bbbbuy me a coffee? Is that the line?

Not at all required, I love you all.

I'm just struggling right now and just need to make it by until the job starts in August.

Ko-fi

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I’m scared of loose skin but I’m trying to fucking hard to prevent it and I know that hard work works out in the end I hope.

I need a friend that I can have deep conversation with.

Can someone tell me it’s ok that I typed the wrong federalist paper number on my AP gov exam cause I’m bout to cry cry.