HERMES BECAUSE YES

HERMES BECAUSE YES

Casual reminder Hermes WANTED to be the messenger of the gods and got the position approved by his pops if he promised not to lie anymore

When Zeus battled with Typhon, the monster stole his tendons. Our good ol’ stealy boi stole them back and plopped them back in his daddies body

After the 50 Danaides murdered their husbands, Zeus ordered they be purified of the murders. Team Hermes and Athena purified those gals

When Io, one of Zeus’ millions of lovers got changed into a heifer and Hera sent one-eyed monster guy Argus to watch her, Zeus had Hermes kill Argus! He helped Io escape

Ixion, king of Thessaly, was on Zeus’ good side until he tried to fuck his wife, in which he had Hermes chain that guy up to a ETERNALLY REVOLVING WHEEL OF FIRE

When Ares got captured by Otus and Ephialtes and was prisoner in a bronze JAR, Hermes eventually had to go save his stepbrother’s ass

Calypso claimed Odysseus as her hunka hunka burnin love and kept him with her on an island for YEARS. Odysseus wanted to go home and Zeus sent Hermes to tell that girl she’s cray and convince her to let Odysseus leave

Aphrodite, Hera, and Athena all claimed to be the most beautiful bitch. Zeus told Hermes to get those ladies over to Trojan prince Paris because they wanted him to settle their cat fight

Zeus wanted to test mankind so he and his speedster son went to Earth fathersonbonding wandering it as travelers. No one helped their asses except a couple by the names of Baucis and Philemon. They were rewarded for their kindness

Hermes took care of his bby stepbro Dio because daddy Zeus was worried bout his wife’s anger. Zeus TRUSTED Herm with babey boi Dsus!!!!!!

Hermes escorted Persephone back from her date with daddy darkness

Hermes is said to remove stones from the roads to help travelers! then those stones ended up becoming piled around pillars by roads to honor him and later the shrines became more elaborate and dick-like, because Hermes is also fertility god

Hermes is jock boi, inventing boxing, wrestling, and gymnastics. Games held in his honor at Pheneus! Gyms were built in his name, and they and the athletes of Greece were protected by him

He worked with the fates to make the freakin Greek alphabet, I mean c’mon

He also invented astronomy, weights and measures, the musical scale, numbers, this bastard never stopped

AND HE GUIDES THEM SHADY DEAD TO THE UNDERWORLD

When Eurydice almost got out of the Underworld, Hermes said “uH-uh Honey!” and brought that bitch back

He’s ALSO the god of eloquence and speech, crops, mining, buried treasure, prudence, cunning, sleep, fraud, perjury, theft,,

Herm has a resemblance to his stepbro Apollo

He’s in more classical myths than any other deity and honestly, are you surprised?

He’s a good guy, a bad guy, a helper, a troublemaker, a messenger, a lover,,

He could get you out of your fix or play you a trick

Hermes has stolen stepbro Apollo’s cattle and bow and arrows, unky Poseidon’s trident, daddy Zeus’ scepter, stepsis Aphrodite’s girdle, some of stepbro Hephaestus’ tools,,

He use that boyish charm to stay in the goods with everybody tho, that why he popular, erryone like him immortal o not

Is the epitome of ‘being childish DOESNT excuse your responsibilities’ ; does his job but has fun