Openness

Just a random pic of me thinking...

Is it bad that I hate attention whores?

I swear it's almost as if this girl is just trying to spite me by being around me, I can't be nice to her or I'm annoying, I can't say anything to her or I'm being rude, I can't do anything around her because I'm unimportant, BITCH KEEP KISSING EVERYONE ELSES ASS AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE ME THEN STFU AND GO SWITCH OUT OF THE CLASSES YOU KNEW I WAS IT... I swear I might explode on her... very soon, childish people piss me off when they give me shit for there own issues...

Evasive

We often joke about such things like you and I, how we are and how we love brings subtle tension, like slow nudgings of unrest in our souls. I smile as I mask my truths in hyperbole and faux romantic cheese. What are we? Nothing? You speak warnings, pushing away but I feel that it is only in fear. Your warning nobody but yourself... Why can't you answer the question, "what are we?" I could compare us to Orpheus and Eurydice, compare myself to a stone and you the water, maybe I could compare you to a butterfly and I the watcher... No matter the form your nature define our reactions, I can't have you for you flee when in the face of the serious, when I leave to follow my passions, you creep upon my sides watching and wondering... In a way I guess it'll never matter the question, the answer holds no meaning while you reject me.

CS Lewis: To love at all (x)

Eros

a passionate physical and emotional love based on aesthetic enjoyment; stereotype of romantic love

Ludus a love that is played as a game or sport; conquest; may have multiple partners at once

Storge an affectionate love that slowly develops from friendship, based on similarity

Pragma love that is driven by the head, not the heart

Mania obsessive love; experience great emotional highs and lows; very possessive and often jealous lovers

Agape selfless altruistic love; spiritual

Oh god I be seeing myself in this

Six types of Love

I'm to old for this shit...

Throwing away petty lies and moods

Thoughts and truths evident in the mind's eye

An eye weak with blindness to facts and hiding tresspasses

I taught myself to hate those who fuck me over...

Yet my nature isn't one of rejection

"You can't force me to change,"

Yet you changed so much

You changed into what you hated

Inception, I WILL make you better...

I will burn and rip and tear your constructions

Reject and gut apart your defences

I will make you see judgement and all it's nails digging into your soul

I will leave you?

Yes and no

I'm not one to cast others aside

I will let you make it up too me

I will wait and give you a reward of my trust and love

I will not force you to change

But if you care about me enough to make this contract

Then you will change into a better person

And only a better person can have me...

So damn true...

Holmes Urgings

Urges and desires are often controllable, we fight them every day, hell we fight ourselves all the time… We bargain and delay our imaginings so that we can appeal to something or someone else… But theres a limit i suppose to where one could draw the line, and I guess I have done that lately… I am in the depths of a Holme’s Urging, where I find myself in the depths of self exploration, questioning and indulging in the tiniest of things; considering factors once removed from the table by bias. In the process you reject all other things not related to your issues and task and save for those persistent enough to seek you out you find yourself alone… Which blows but to that same end you realize the things you want… I know what i want… Yet I’ve found it as elusive as ever to my perception. I suppose I’d need to by my time but lately things have pushed me in a very, dare I say focused sort of state… priorities… priorities… I need to do what I’d hate to bare through…

The one thing I didn’t want or need was pity. I’d made my own choices, lived my own life, and even if they hadn’t all been smart choices, there weren’t many of them that I regretted.

Small Favour, Jim Butcher (via hamletsbitch)