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Latest Posts by gjfasdfyguu

TW! DRUGS, ALCOHOL, OVER DOSING,REHAB, EATING DISORDER, RAPE, MENTAL HEALTH, SELF HARM, SUICIDE

Now we skip a year to the beginning of the year. Year 9. 2022.

On October 24th 2021, i was walking to a friends house. To get there you had to walk down a dark, forest like path. I wasn't wearing anything too revealing. Nothing more then slight cleavage. This guy, must've been in his mid 20s, came up behind me. Grabbed me from behind, and raped me. My innocence was stripped away, only because i was wearing a top.

This event lead me into a horrible spiral of depression. I was 13.

I started drinking, everyday, for 2 months. In school, at home, out side. I felt like i needed to get away from this pain. I was made to be mature, the child i once was had gone. I was caught, i was excluded, i was put into treatment for recovering alcoholics.

I stopped eating for months. I needed control. And somehow eating was the only thing i could. No one noticed, i'd always been quite fat, so it was seen as me loosing weight. Everyone was proud of me. No one could see the true intentions. I was dying, slowly killing myself to end my suffering.

One day, whilst i was at a party, drinking, someone gave me a massive load of cocaine and heroin . And there forth i was an addict. In school, at home, outside, in dirty public bathrooms, i was always doing drugs. I stole weed, lighters, filters and rolling papers from people. I stole bongs and grinders from shops. I needed it. It made me forget. It made me happy. I was 14. I was shooting up heroin every week, snorting cocaine every day. My friends encouraged this, told me it was my life and i could do what i wanted. I needed the help. They only really got concerned when i almost over dosed on heroin in the park near my house. I was sent to the hospital, where i am now. They are sending me to rehab on the 21st. They said it was what i needed.

I started self harming again, almost slitting my wrists everyday to end it. If i couldn't be happy, what was the point in being here.

I was diagnosed with autism and am currently waiting to be diagnosed with bpd , which all my therapists said i most likely do have, it gave me some clarity, although i will never tell anyone any of this, only you.

This is my story, of what has happened, before you judge someone, think about what they have been through.

Fare well - Radio

i don’t wanna be sick anymore

TW!! HOMOPHOBIA , SH, SUICIDE

The second part, chapter 2 some may say, begins in year 7.

I struggled a lot with leaving Primary school, even after all that had happened to me, it gave me comfort. In the summer after year 6, I started self-harming. I don't know why. Maybe it was to do with Daniel? or my parents?

I cut my hair short in year 7. I was the first girl in my year to actually come out publicly as gay. Many other gay girls in my year had crushes on me. Which I still don't know why. A lot of my friends now tell me I'm their role model.

My coming out received a lot of backlash and homophobia. I was relentlessly bullied, people begging teachers to movie away from me, having to get changed in a cubicle for PE because I was "looking at everyone". My twin sister outed me to my abusive mother in November, November 28th to be exact. I will never forget the punishment I got for it. It was horrendous

I had enough. In the February of 2020, I tried to kill myself, again. I wasn't in the right headspace. I couldn't take it. Not anymore. Unfortunately, it did not work (obviously). I told school about the bullying, they didn't do anything, they ignored me.

Let me say this now, fuck school - Radio

TW!!!!! SUICIDE, ABUSE!!

It started in year 6, yes... I was an innocent 11 year old. I never really understood my feelings. My parents abuse taught me to repress and suffer. My mental health started to decline when I got together with my boyfriend at the time , Daniel. He was so kind to me in the beginning, but he had always been manipulative. All the guilt tripping, but that was only the start.

After around two months of our relationship, things started to turn violent and aggressive. We'd be on and off so many times, he'd always break up with me for the silliest of reasons , like having fun with my friends. He'd always suspect I was cheating on him with the guy i was sat with.

He would hit me. Push me on the ground, cut my fingers, twist my arm etc... No one noticed. No one cared.

I finally stuck up for myself after almost a year of this. I finally got away, or I thought. As soon as I got home, a group chat was made, called "go to hell *my name* ". I was confused. There were many photos of him with a knife to his throat, with half my class blaming me. He was going to kill himself. Because I broke up with him.

No one but my friends Ciarra and Julia talked to me. Ciarra talked to me about it, she's always been the wise one.

It has been one month after all this started, i was still getting messages like "i can be better" and "what did i do wrong". I snapped. I couldn't take it anymore. I told him i was a lesbian, then attempted to hang myself. He was the reason my life is a mess

This is only the beginning of my story. - Radio

This is a blog for me to tell my story, whether people listen or not. I'm here to shed light on these dark, taboo subjects with my own story, will you believe me? - Radio