So I Have A Copy For Myself If/when I Ever Watch Zi-O

Falling down The Kamen Rider hole.

I watched a random compilation vid of henshin sequences for most of the Kamen Rider shows (being Youtube, the top comment of course was “I like the bit where they say henshin.”) and well, I did want something different to watch.

I started off with Kamen Rider W, since a review recommended it as a good starting series, and I was pretty much shipping Phidari before I even saw an episode.

Also, Suda Masaki is omfgsodamnkawaii and I am just under the wire as far the Standard Creepy Rule goes. Although it’s more of a puppy crush, as in- I view him in a very similar way as I would an adorable puppy. Yes, I kinda want to mash his head into my boobs, but not in a sexual way. I have all these feelings that I don't know how to process properly. In the meantime.... so cute!

Then I started on a bit of Den-O because I liked the sword form henshin jingle. And Satoh-san, so impressed how he portrays multiple characters. I know it’s all in collaboration with the suit actors, still that’s a lot of work. Plus there’s the dancing, (and I love how Ryutaros’s special power is being able to summon backup dancers and create flash-mobs) and you did all that whilst sick? Damn.

And then.... well turns out I’m a bit too ADD to binge watch a series. Heck as kid, I was usually in the process of reading two to three different novels at any given time. Given that, might as well check out another series.

Wowowowowow Four-ze! Wowowowow Fun, ne? Man is Gen-chan tall or what? Love the interaction with Shoutaro in the movie, Taro club away! JK looks like a live-action version of Zaou Ryuu. I need more screen-time to determine do I love him for him or for his resemblance to my fave anime man-hoe?

Also, Kamen Rider Meteor-  love the disco henshin theme.... is that small blast all there is? I can’t find it on Youtube. I can find a ten-minute loop of Shabadoobie touchie henshin (and why haven’t more people made that into a remix?! I sought out the loop because: 1: So catchy & 2: my brain was demanding "More!!! the henshin sequence isn’t long enough!”) So yeah, more disco please.

Got further through Fourze before oversaturation hit. Well, looking through the Kamen Rider wiki (I needed a guide for who the heck these other riders are that keep showing up in the fanfics) and since Heisei Phase 2 has the characters I’m seeing most, I’m focusing on that for now.

So what next? For some reason I’m still hesitating on OOO, and I don’t think I’m quite ready for Gaim. Zi-O? I’m waiting for the right fanfic to fix the time-rewriting first (Seriously, you try to take my フィリップ  away and I will fucking cut you.) Maybe it’s just the fic, but Build looks a little too emotionally heavy at the moment.

Okay then, Ex-Aid.

Episode 1: I know these shows are marketing toys to kids, but holy crap guys, slow down. (Plus, the 90′s called- they want their colour scheme back.) Still, this looks- aptly enough- to be what the doctor ordered.

Episode 2: Love the op theme. Kagami Hiiro-sensei? You are being such a dick right now. Will someone smack this idiot over the head ... WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?! IF YOU’RE ALL “SAVING THE PATIENT IS ALL THAT MATTERS”, THEN WHY ARE YOU DUELING INSTEAD ON FOCUSING ON SAVING THE PATIENT’S LIFE?! Someone grab this boy and give him an priority adjustment and ego-ectomy stat.

Episode 3: Why wasn’t Tagia given counseling? Proper intervention and maybe you wouldn’t have flushed a medical career down the toilet. So he got hooked on gaming and put it before medicine. You assholes gave him the driver and gashat in the first place. The game was implied to be faulty, (or at least, that’s the impression I got) meaning he was essentially given a mind-altering substance, had his priorities warped as a result and it lead to him loosing a patient.

So for that he got booted out the door, with the lack of a medical license now making him an unskilled laborer with an addiction problem. Of course he’s back and looking for a fix. (Are they gonna redeem this guy? Hope so.  BTW? Love the hair, dude.)

Episode 4: “There’s no point if you don’t ride me.” Excuse me while I pause the episode and giggle for a while.

Ah, Ex-Aid, I think I’m going to like you.

Flashback time: In the analog days, most girls when they hit those teen years moved onto trashy romance novels. I, as what I believe they are now calling “Xennials”, was still stuck on sci-fi novels during the switch-over and by the time I was interested in such fiction, well I went right to slashfic. (Remember mailing lists?) Joined my first (and only) slash-list at 16. Despite the reigning 18+ rule, I was honest about my age and they let me in anyway. (Perhaps if only to keep an eye on me.) Then mailing lists kind of died off and it was onto web archives.

And that’s when I paused the ep and logged on to type this up. There’s a certain point in people’s lives, where to some degree, they mentally stop aging. On the whole, a lot of the time, I’m pretty much still 16 (Probably a good thing, apparently my mother’s still only 25.) randomly touring though my early 20′s and occasionally re-visiting being 7. Actually when I was in my teens, I think I was time-travelling on occasion to what might very much turn out to be my 70′s (”In my day....:)

Where was I? Oh- “There’s no point if you don’t ride me.” Said the tanned guy in the leather jacket to the clumsy naive young twink of a doctor. You can’t put that in front of me and not have me shed at least 10 years worth of maturity.

(Actually, lemme just check the fic count on this pairing.... ) Still kinda want to pair Emu and Parad, but I have got to start to try watching shows before I start paring off the characters.

Well it can’t be called an FAQ...

More a combination of OAQ, possibly RAQ and ANAQ...

Occasionally Asked Question, Rarely Asked Question and Almost Never Asked Question.

Rare/Occasional: Gnarynhar?

Well, my preferred handle of Thordis is usually taken. Most people then go for adding a number, but, I just don’t like that, I need something I can resonate to, and a number just doesn’t work for me. I have sometimes used AusThordis, but that feels like too much work.

And Gnarynhar is easier?!

Well, no. (It is one letter shorter though!) And it’s a couple of noises of frustration put together, slightly altered and put into letters, but it’s something I made myself, so the resonance I want is there. Usually shortened to Gnar or Gnary by others,,,, it is a bit of a mess to type, I know. The ‘G’ is, well sort of silent, it’s there to twist your mouth as you pronounce the ‘n’ to get the right sound. Nyarr-nn-haarr.

Not easy to spell, not easy to remember, not even my first choice. But it’s mine, and... at least it’s never taken.

Almost Never: Professional Crazy?

I am on a disability support pension, heck I qualified for it back when I was, frankly, better than I am right now. I reason it out thusly: I am crazy. I get money for being crazy. Therefore I am a professional crazy.

My psychiatrist has said I’m not crazy, and I’m not saying having OCD = being crazy. In the end, it’s how I choose to self identify. Read Mara Wilson's article on OCD on Cracked.com Point 2 is where this comes into play.

Looking back into my childhood before the OCD developed, I can see at least one thing I did and say “Yeah, that was OCD right there.” But beyond that, I was always that extra bit different from other kids my age. Hitting (and mostly finishing puberty in primary school rather than in high school like everyone else also contributed to some of my quirks.)

Also, I seem to approach some things differently than most people. I took psychology as an elective in high school, and when I left high school, in the adult ed classes I took as an alternative. I’d be saying something in class, and the teacher was always cutting me off, saying I was off topic.

As far as I was concerned I was on topic, she just never let me finish, so I could show what I was saying did tie into the discussion. I was just approaching things from such an oblique angle, no-one saw the connection I was trying to make.

Plus my social skills were never the best, and towards the end of primary school I was starting to isolate myself. Then in high school, well my friends all went to a different school, and I was left with a combination of people I knew from primary school and didn’t get along with, mixed with strangers that mostly wanted to pick on me. I didn’t have friends in high school, I had acquaintances that occasionally weren’t interested in making my life hell.

So what little social skills I had atrophied, and as I moved closer and closer to my current housebound state, they withered even further. I see myself not only as an introvert, but shy. And for many years I really was. My classmates in TAFE did not see things the same way. But that’s because if I do feel comfortable enough to start a conversation, I tend to verbally hold people down and talk at them until they run away or beg for mercy.

Social interaction is important, Terry Pratchett put it something like “people need to be bounced around by the Brownian motion of society”. I, barely even watch tv anymore.

Roping that tangent back to it’s origin of crazy. It’s also a shorthand I use with my family. Anything related back to my OCD, requests, restrictions, explanations, instead of a long, frustrating explanation they know they’ll never fully ‘get’, it’s easier to just say “It’s a crazy thing.” and move on.

Sometimes it’s more of a discussion, with them offering suggestions, most of the time, I’ve already considered what’s been brought up. Other times, they can add that little piece I’m missing.... for a problem that by all rights shouldn’t exist. -I feel ‘crazy’ is an apt term.

I start with a simple question, and I produce another stream-of-consciousness wall-of-text attack. At least I paragraph it? ....time to look up how to put this under a cut.

My feelings on the Fallout 4 trailer.

Okay coming late to the party here, but then, that sums up my relationship with games for the most part.

Promo: It's Fallout 4!

Me: Ooh neat, I've been having a lot of fun with Fallout 3, what's this one about?

Promo: It's Fallout 4!

Me: Yeah, but what is it abou.. Promo: Fallout 4! Look! Dog!

Me: Hey, great looking animation on the dog. I never used the dog, I can't stand dogs getting hurt, even in video games, I took the Animal Friend perk just so wouldn't have to hurt the wild dogs. So anyway, what's the game about?

Promo: It's Fallout 4!

Me: Ah, that's all pre-rendered stuff, I'm with Yahtzee on this one, that doesn't count. Nice looking locations, but what's the gameplay like?

Promo: It's Fallout 4! Vault 111!

Me: So is this still in the Washigton area? Does the story tie in with the events of Fallout 3? Is it set sometime after? Before? During, but in another place? Are you going to give me anything?

Promo: It's Fallout 4!

Me: Yeah, but what's the storyline? What's the starting goal of the game? Hell, what's the gameplay like? I’m not going to drop my cash on a name and some pre-rendered graphics that tell me nothing about the product.

Promo: It's Fallout 4!

Me: Oh fuck this.

Promo: It’s Fallout 4! Pre-order now!

He’d be perfect as a Ringbearer though, I can’t see the One Ring making too much progress in corrupting Sportacus, it’d likely think it was tripping or something while he holds it, and as soon as someone else gets the ring, the thing is “Sportscandy! No, no, wait... POWER! Yeah, that’s it. (Oh man, what was I doing last night?! Gotta lay off on the metal polish. Ugh, I'm a ring, I shouldn't even be able to get a headache.)"

Ever since I found out that the reason Sportacus’ hat is usually awkwardly pulled down to cover the tips of his ears is that he’s canonically an elf impersonating a human, I can’t help but picture him just showing up in various scenes/locales from the Lord of the Rings movies.

Can you imagine?

Sportacus at the Council of Elrond

Sportacus at the Battle of Helm’s Deep.

Sportacus in the court of Thranduil.

Because commenting on the site doesn’t feel right.

Because what I want to say feels too much like making things all about me.

http://archiveofourown.org/works/6919726 Yep, back on a bit of a Red Dwarf kick.

The more I think on it, the more I have mixed feelings about this one. Although, maybe I’m slightly emotionally burned-out right now and am having trouble connecting. Or it’s just because the OCD portrayed doesn’t fully fit with my experiences. But that’s the problem with OCD, it’s different for everyone. Heck, as a teenager, for a while I was seeing a psychiatric nurse that specialzed in kids with OCD, and some of what I told her about my problems at the time kinda threw her for a loop.

Honestly, I’m wondering why this fic doesn’t reasonate with me more- the number of times in my teenage years, being locked into ritual behaviours that were part of my pre-bedtime routine. The times I’d mess up a step and have to start it over before I could proceed to the next one, or worse, have to go back to an earlier step and start from there, in tears because I had to start over, and all I wanted to do was go to bed and sleep.

Maybe it's the "voices" part. It's never been voices for me, heck, it's not even really words as the intrusive thoughts, it's never been that structured. For me, it was feelings. It was all coming from my own brain, just a part I couldn't control. And as it turns out, couldn't defy. ...Not without repercussions.

For years I was trapped in the glass maze, running the same paths over and over. "Normal" was outside the maze, I could see what it was like, but I couldn't experience it. Pounding against the glass only hurt myself.

My psychiatrist got me out of the maze when he gave me something else. The Dragon The Dragon has rules, if I obey the dragon, I stay safe under it's belly. But if I challenge it, I get stomped.

Different psychologists, all sorts of therapies. All to appease my mother. But that, it was all challenging the dragon. And I got stomped. And afterwards, for daring to challenge the dragon? It's rules got more strict.

Still, I kept following my mother's battle cry. Every different therapy a futile attack, every new therapist or psychologist a new lance. And all the while, me getting stomped, because even though I'd learned about it's punishment, I was still trying to appease my mother first.

So now, I'm effectively housebound. For a while I was bound to my bed, but even my parents had learned not to fight the dragon, and instead of a lance, gave me something better- my own cozy resting place under the dragon's belly. -A granny flat in the backyard.

I'm still living at home, but I have my own place. I pay rent, but it's covered by my pension, and I gain so much more than I could lose. The dragon's punishment is heavy- I can't touch anyone with bare skin, but I can afford the gloves that let me pat our dogs.

And best of all? My psychiatrist is not a lance, not a challenge to the dragon. More a Sage, from whom I purchase tributes for the dragon. ....I'm getting too into the metaphor thing, aren't I? - I'm medication only. The dragon's fine with medication. It's not an attack, it makes the dragon happy enough to rescind a few rules.

Translation being, behavioural therapy only made things worse, but meds and finding ways to work within the boundaries set by my OCD is not only fine, but has seen some small improvements for me.

So yeah, what was going to be a short post in place of a comment didn't work out, I put out a standard wall-of-text attack instead. -But I was right, it was all about me. Which is why I just left kudos instead.

Have I said too much? Probably. Luckily, no-one will ever read this. ;)

The face may not be perfect, but still, that's pretty gorgeous.

eh. sometimes i get carried away with doodles.

an au tucker maybe? idk.

faces are hard. T^T

I’m kidding myself that anyone looks at my tumblr, but hey, reblogging anyway because this is a gorgeous young pup who deserves someone who loves her.

About a week ago, I was driving down my street and as I approached my house this dog was walking across my drive way. Then into the neighbors.. And into the street.

I parked, almost lost a shoe, and ran into the street after her.

I had to chase her a couple houses down, and then I just sat down. I bowed my head and licked my lips. She slowly walked over and let me pet her. Then, she let out the saddest howl I’ve ever heard in my life.

My dog.. My dog is spoiled. She wants for nothing. She barks AT MY FACE because we are not moving out the door fast enough. Emma has never made a pain sound in the four years I’ve had her, and I work TIRELESSLY to make sure she stays that way. But, this dog.. This dog had been on the streets for a couple days as noted my not so concerned neighbors. Who were nice enough to lend me some rope, so I could walk her back home.

We got into the house. I gave her water, a treat and she declined. But she did want pets. And slowly she started to fall asleep on my hand. Maybe she just needed rest and comfort…

What happened next was that I had to call a shelter to come get her. If you know Emma, then you know she’s very bossy and very territorial about her things. (Pudge knows. She tried to take off his face once. Okay, several times.) and so I helped coax her out of my house and into an animal control van….

It breaks my heart, guys. 7 days and no one has claimed her. I have messaged rescues and only one has responded to me. They said they only take dogs who have a dedicated foster already. In the corgi community, we all jump at rescues and dogs in need - because we all have a passion for our breed. But, what I’m finding with pitty/staffy mixes is they are just “another dog”…

So, what I’m asking (and thank you if you got this far) - this dog is in Carrollton, Texas. She deserves a home. She deserves people. Please share, please help me find her a place where she belongs.

- Nicole

Sometimes the randomest stuff just sticks with you.

In this case, a sentence from a stranger making a comment to himself in a supermarket. “Can’t skimp on the dunny paper.”

It was, what, 15, 20? (or more?) years ago. I don’t remember what he looked like, nor the sound of his voice, (or really, anything else about that trip), but once upon a time, on a ski holiday with the family, in Mansfield, in the supermarket while were picking up some groceries, I overhead something apparently so profound that it and the location are etched into my memory.

Kougami Foundation Internal Research Report: Long-term metaphysical human side-effects due to long-term bodily possession by a sentient avian-based alchemical construct. Or, How Izumi Shingo became a Disney Princess.

The first clue Ankh's possession had Changed Things was something anybody would miss. The balcony and windows of the Izumi apartment, Shingo’s car, favourite spot to eat lunch, etc. Japan was a clean place and bird droppings are only something you notice when they’re present.

The second clue was odd, but a bird attacking the robber Shingo had been chasing through the park- well it was close to nesting season- the conclusion anyone would come to is that the robber came too close to the bird’s nest. Between the adrenaline of the chase, cuffing the man, and the planning of the paperwork ahead, well, no-one ever thought to wonder why Shingo was exempt form the bird’s attack.

The third clue however, couldn’t be ignored or explained away.

It had been a long day, the latest in a sequence of long days, and it would be a long night as well. Shingo had not only missed lunch, but dinner as well, and wouldn’t be getting a break anytime soon to let him rectify the problem. A situation he lamented about out loud.

He found out that he had been overheard by more than his coworkers when not long after he spoke, a Tokyo raven- those eerily clever, oversized urban corvids- dropped off a bag of senbei, sold by a vending machine only few blocks away.

What if Ankh's title "King of the Birds" actually had some weight to it? With the King dead, the guy the King ended up posessing for a year seems as fitting a candidate for Regent until the King's ressurection right?

Honestly, even for a throw-away one-shot, I'm not that happy with this. Really needs a beta or co-author to punch it up I think.