Chancecunningham​:

loverboymontgomery​:

The rush of tears made Cole feel lightheaded and, despite his frantic blinking, they spilled down his cheeks. It was him. Adam was okay. He knew it was his him when he heard the layers of guilt in his voice, when his boyfriend angled his head to the floor. Cole hated seeing him like this, maybe just as much as he hated seeing out-of-body Adam. “Sweetheart,” Cole cooed, attempting to make his brittle voice sound comforting.

“Of course… Of course I want you here. Will you come sit by me?” he asked gently, though internally he felt like he was twelve years old, begging his mother not to leave him at bedtime. He was afraid of what happened, of course. But more than he was afraid for his own safety, he was terrified of what all of this meant for Adam. A pang of guilt swirled amidst the fear; Cole should’ve told Adam everything he knew, right away.

As Adam sat next to him, still cautious, afraid of something, Cole reached out his arm, offered his hand. “I’m okay,” he promised. “I’ll be fine. Are you okay? Did you get hurt?” He searched Adam’s body for any sign of injury and met his eyes. Cole desperately wished that this was all they had to talk about, that Adam could climb into bed with him and things could be simple. But he knew better, and he wouldn’t leave Adam in the dark, not again.

Painfully, Cole twisted and picked up his water, needing some relief for his throat before he dared dive into this. “You don’t remember anything?” he asked, eyes lingering on the crease in Adam’s brow. He desperately wanted to shield Adam from this, to never tell him what horrible things had been done and said through his body.

Cole was crying again, in anticipation for how much this was going to hurt Adam. Adam, who couldn’t fathom hurting another person or letting someone down. Adam, who was always so good, who happily took on the burden of being the strong one, the shoulder to cry on. Adam, who deserved better than all of this. Cole bit down on his trembling lower lip, willing himself to keep it together, if only for Adam’s sake.

“Before you died,” he began cautiously, knowing that even saying that much was still shocking, “You were different. It wasn’t you. I didn’t know until later, but you were… possessed, I guess. By this thing they call the Mindflayer. It made you act different and then… it killed you. Or, it died and you died with it.” The whole thing still hurt his head, honestly, and there weren’t nearly enough answers. “I don’t know how or who or why but… you came back. And I think it’s happening again… it controlling you. I thought you were going to die again,” he choked back another influx of tears, remembering that horrifying moment at the carnival.

Cole had immediately recognized the similarities between Adam at the carnival and Adam the last day he saw him– the stiffness of his body, the coldness of his tone, the cruelty of his words. He hoped Adam never found out about that moment. Swiping at his cheek with the back of his hand, Cole met Adam’s eyes again and tried for an encouraging smile. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, and I’m sorry I don’t have more answers. But we’ll figure it out. Together, like you said.” He lifted Adam’s hand to his lips, ignoring the shooting pain from his ribcage. “I promise, love, we’ll figure it out.” He didn’t know what figuring it out meant, not even remotely, but he knew he wasn’t going anywhere until they did.

Adam wouldn’t have blamed him if Cole had told him to leave. Because Adam didn’t know what he had or hadn’t done - especially to Cole - but he knew it couldn’t be pretty. He was just so fucking worried that his nightmare really was a memory, that he’d said those things and shoved Cole up against a wall and nearly choked him. He wouldn’t be mad at Cole if he was scared of him, because until Adam got some answers, he was pretty scared of himself.

But his chest ached when Cole called him Sweetheart, voice rough but so Cole. That alone made him want to cry and hold him and tell him that he’d never ever ever want to do something to upset Cole again. And when Cole asked him to sit with him? Adam had no choice but to walk closer, sitting down gently on the edge of the bed, farther away from Cole than he would normally. As much as Adam wanted to seek comfort from his boyfriend, he didn’t want to jostle any of his injuries.

“Are you sure?” Adam asked urgently, blue eyes studying Cole closely. He knew he wasn’t physically okay - he had broken a rib. But how was he handling all of this emotionally? Cole had a tendency to be in denial of things, to want them to be perfect even when everything was falling apart around them. And Adam needed to know that he wasn’t doing that right now. “Baby, you have to tell me if you’re not okay. Please. I can’t,” He took a deep breath, pressing his lips into a thin line. “I can’t handle it if you’re not honest.”

He reflexively tried to reach for the water for Cole, to take care of him without even being asked. But Cole could do it himself. He didn’t need Adam to smother him right now, no matter how much Adam wanted to. He slowly lowered his hands back to his lap, clasping his knees tightly. “Not from the carnival,” Adam admitted sadly, biting his lip. “Just riding the Tunnel of Love, and then I woke up to you being put into an ambulance.” He finally let himself lean a little closer, needing physical contact to ground himself. His hand slipped into Cole’s, squeezing it gently.

Adam hated seeing Cole cry. If he could do something to make it better, to shield him from whatever pain he was facing, he would. Adam would shoulder any burden if it meant keeping Cole happy and healthy and safe. He would do anything in the world that Cole Montgomery asked him to do - something that had been true since they met in early high school. Gently, he leaned forward and wiped away Cole’s tears with his free hand, touch feather light against his skin.

And then Adam’s world collapsed.

“I…what?” He asked, confusion lacing his voice. That didn’t make any sense. He had been possessed? By…by a demon, or something like that? For one gut wrenching moment, Adam worried that maybe this was God’s way of punishing him for being who he was. For who he loved. But Cole called it the Mindflayer, and that didn’t sound like any demon he’d ever heard about in church on Sunday. “So I really died?” Adam begged Cole to lie, to tell him that he was kidding. But something in his eyes said that this was true. He didn’t even try to stop the tears that were flowing down his cheeks now, letting them hit the starched sheets of Cole’s hospital bed.

“What if I am?” He asked, lip trembling at the thought. Adam didn’t want to die. He was still so young - there was so much of the world he wanted to see. He wanted to live with and love Cole for as many years as possible, not die before he’d even turned 25. Right now, he needed to comfort Cole though, and he leaned forward to sob on his shoulder, free hand wrapping around his neck as gently as possible. In the nightmare he’d wanted to do that out of anger, but now the only thing Adam felt for Cole was love. Love and guilt for putting him through this.

“I do remember… something from before. Or maybe it isn’t a memory, maybe it was a - a nightmare, or something,” He rambled, tears continuing to fall as his thumb rubbed over the back of Cole’s neck from the uncomfortable position he was committing to. “I…or, it wasn’t me but it was me. It was my body. I was so mean to you, and I shoved you against a wall and told you to leave me alone. I thought I was going to kill you, Cole. But I…I stopped it. I don’t know what I did, but I stopped it.” Adam told him, sobbing into the space between Cole’s neck and shoulder. Maybe this wasn’t fair - maybe he shouldn’t be acting like this when it was Cole in the hospital, not him. But fuck, Adam needed comfort. Adam needed to know Cole was alive and that they could get through it together. That Cole didn’t hate him or blame him. “I love you.” He whispered when his tears felt like they might begin to subside. “I love you more than anything, Walden.”

zccming​:

adam richards. it was a name she’d been hearing for years from cole. max was no therapist, but when it came to grief, her and cole had gotten pretty good at sitting down, dumping all of their feelings together, then doing absolutely nothing about them. cole, adam, robin, all of them were older than her, but with adam specifically, max hadn’t known of him while he was in school and other than a few pictures and glances from a distance this past summer, didn’t really even know what adam looked like. that was until she clocked him curled up in cole’s hospital bed. this was adam, without a doubt in her mind. 

she had been weaving in and out of rooms for so long she felt like her legs might collapse from underneath her and she just needed to sit. not wanting to overstay her welcome in any of the other rooms, she chose cole’s to rest for a minute. she hadn’t been expecting him – or adam to wake up. she jumped a bit when adam did, watching him like a frightened animal. it wasn’t his fault, more the impact of all the unexpected events that had transpired in the past twelve hours. for a while, she said nothing, and neither did he. when adam finally spoke, max noted how kind his voice sounded. in a way, that quality reminded her of lucas. she shrugged off the question, “it’s cool.” don’t apologize. when adam grasped at answers, max sighed. there was no hiding the truth from him, he already knew at least to some extent. “i’ve only seen something like this once before.” she admitted, rubbing her tired eyes. so much for rest. “but the thing that did it is gone.” with surprising conviction, max assured him, “but from what i can gather, that wasn’t you acting at the carnival. we just…need to find the weakspot of this new guy and take him down.” 

she made it sound so easy, even though she knew well how difficult the journey ahead could get.

Adam hadn’t known Max before. She’d been a kid then, someone he had maybe seen at the pool a few times or heard about from Billy. Coming back and finding out she’d became Cole’s best friend had been unexpected, but he knew from how often Cole spoke about her that she meant a lot to him. Adam was grateful for her supporting him during his grief these last few years. 

He moved closer to Cole’s bed, unwilling to be far from him after everything that he’d been through since the carnival. He kept space between him and Max, not wanting to freak Max out, in case she had seen what he’d done while he was blacked out. Sitting down in the chair closest to Cole, Adam reached subconsciously for his hand, lacing their fingers together while Cole continued to sleep. “If it’s gone... how are we still doing this?” Adam asked her, frowning at the information. There was just so much he didn’t know, so much he couldn’t even begin to process. And it fucking sucked. “Have you done that before?” Adam asked curiously, worried that they wouldn’t figure this all out. He knew he certainly didn’t know enough to solve shit. 

“Apparently, I did stuff like that before,” He admitted, despite not knowing Max at all. He trusted her with this, though, considering how much she already knew. “And...well, if it happens again,” Adam felt guilty asking this. She could say no - he wouldn’t blame her. She didn’t owe him anything. “If it happens again, can you just... make sure Cole isn’t near me? I can’t hurt him.” Not again. Adam wouldn’t be able to forgive himself if he did. 

Sufjan Stevens | Fourth of July April Base Version

chancecunningham​:

chance had undoubtedly come in hot with his questions, but he was at a loss. he’d been raised christian, which meant that to him, there had always been a clear line between good and evil. god and devil. it all used to be so black and white. but now…good people were doing terrible things. good people that he knew. people like adam. as his friend began to explain himself, chance clenched his jaw and did his best to listen.

“yo what do you mean?” chance asked as he rubbed the back of his neck and stared at adam, “like…you don’t remember anything? don’t remember yelling at cole to leave you alone and shit?” at the word ‘black out,’ he let out a scoff, “fucking christ, richards. you were drunk?” when adam shifted the focus to chance, he waved off his injury nonchalantly. “i’m fine,” the cut above his eyebrow had thankfully been the worst of it. 

chance wasn’t sure what he believed in anymore. he knew good and evil weren’t as black and white as he’d been raised to believe they, but he’d never considered that there was anything more powerful than god or the devil. but now…looking at adam…chance could see that he wasn’t lying. and this thing that had been possessing him…it felt more evil than the devil. “who put you guys up to this, adam? like…cause it wasn’t just you…i mean…heather halloway fucking lifted steve off the ground with her bare hands.” chance lifted both of his hands up like he was choking an invisible steve, “like…by the neck.” a beat. “it was like she wasn’t even human, man…like…” chance didn’t know what to think beyond that, so he just asked questions in circles. “you don’t know anything?”

Adam had distanced himself from the church a bit after he started dating Cole, but that didn’t mean that he’d stopped believing entirely. He had just worried about being part of a group that thought that what he felt for Cole was a sin. But Cole had known how much it mattered to Adam; he had shown him the research that he’d done on whether you could be both part of the church and gay. Not because Cole believed in any of it himself - he didn’t - but he knew that it mattered to Adam. And now, things were even more complicated than before. Because... how could someone who had strived their whole life to be good and do the right thing suddenly be capable of evil? What had Adam done to deserve this, or Jack for that matter? Was there even a Heaven or a Hell, and did Adam coming back mean that he didn’t deserve either? 

At the mention of what he’d done at the carnival, Adam flinched. Chance was upset, and he had a right to be. From the outside, Adam’s behavior made no sense and the things he had done were terrible. “No, I don’t,” He shook his head, distressed at the thought of yelling at Cole “I didn’t mean to.” Adam’s gaze snapped back up to Chance, eyes hardening at the implication that he’d been drunk that night. “I didn’t take or drink anything! I don’t know what happened, Chance! But I wasn’t drunk!” 

He wished he knew what had possessed them. Cole had called it the Mindflayer, but that meant nothing to Adam. He had never heard of anything like it, and he didn’t even know where to start looking into it. Research was more Cole’s area of expertise anyway. “I don’t know, Chance. Something... was controlling us, apparently.” Adam didn’t know how much it was okay to share with his best friend - did he tell him the whole truth or not? It wasn’t exactly something someone could just unknow once they’d heard it. Adam stared in shock at the image of Heather choking Steve and picking him up by the neck - he hadn’t heard that graphic detail yet. Jesus Christ. “I don’t know how we were suddenly super strong, or why she did that, man. I just know that I can’t remember it and apparently that’s how I was acting three years ago when... right before the forest commune thing happened.” Adam covered, not sure how Chance might take the news that he’d died. 

chancecunningham​:

WHO: @goldenboyrichards​ & chance cunningham WHERE: the hospital, specifically outside cole’s room WHEN: a day or two after the carnival tragedy

making the decision to come to the hospital after everything that went down at the carnival wasn’t easy. the last thing chance wanted to do was be faced with more trauma that he didn’t know how to process…but what choice did he have? he’d heard that steve was in intensive care because of the injuries he’d sustained, so obviously chance had to go see his friend…plus a few others. 

the first person chance visited was cole. it was no secret that the two boys had never gotten along much. but still. cole had offered chance his flask on the tunnel of love like an olive branch, so when chance found that same flask abandoned in the middle of the carnival after the explosives went off, something possessed him to grab it and return it to its rightful owner. 

chance’s meeting with cole had left him with a lot on his mind. were the two friends? far from it, but maybe they were on their way to something less tense. especially because they had a shared connection with— “adam,” chance said as he exited cole’s room and spotted his friend in a chair right outside the door, “he’s asleep.” chance shut the door gently and let out an exhausted sigh before he plopped down in a seat next to his best friend. 

where did he even begin? “what the fuck were you thinking back at the carnival, man?” he whispered, effectively forgetting half of what he’d just talked about with cole, “are you brainwashed?” chance had never been tactful when his emotions were heightened like this, “or…i mean…yeah, i don’t know, just…what the fuck?” it was high time chance and adam had a talk, and since he wasn’t sure when he’d have him alone again (save for a few nurses walking by), he seized the opportunity.

With how stressed out Adam had been about Cole and about what he’d done at the carnival, he had barely even thought about his other friends. The ones who’d been hurt the worst were in here anyway, and he could check on them and apologize for his fucked up part in everything. But people like Chance, Jack, and Chrissy had slipped his mind a bit. That made him feel like a sort of shitty friend, but he also had some pretty massive concerns here. Like...what if he blacked out again? What could he do to stop it?

After getting back from the cafeteria, he’d taken a break from Cole’s room for a bit, sitting out in the hallway while Cole had a visitor. He didn’t want to bother them. But when Chance exited the room, Adam perked up a bit. It was really nice of Chance to visit his friend while he was in here, in his opinion. “Chance,” Adam greeted back, nodding at the news that Cole had fallen asleep. Good, he needed the extra rest. After being so injured, it would be nice for him to be able to recover a bit while he slept.

Chance’s questions were valid, but Adam didn’t have any idea on how to answer them. What the fuck had he been thinking at the carnival? The truth was nothing. He couldn’t control himself at all. “I don’t know,” Adam admitted quietly, staring at the floor. “It wasn’t...I blacked out, Chance,” He told his best friend, worried he wouldn’t believe him. “I don’t know how, but I swear to God, I wasn’t in control back there.” Maybe he was brainwashed - how else could he explain the blackouts? Adam didn’t know. “I just remember getting off the Tunnel of Love and then waking up to Cole being put in the ambulance. Were you hurt at all?” Adam really hoped not.

PARKS AND RECREATION — 4.05 “Meet n Greet”

colemontgomeryx​:

Suddenly, unexplainably, Cole had a future again. Since Adam died, he had been aimless and drifting; obviously, he’d moved on in the literal sense– he’d gone to college, gotten promoted, made new friends– but he had not goals or ambition. All of his plans were tied to Adam; he would take whatever job, move to whatever state necessary just to be with him. Losing that felt like losing part of himself. More than he was confused, Cole was elated and relieved. He felt muscles unclench that must’ve been taut for the last three years. Finally, he was whole again. The closest he’d gotten for the last three years was talking about Adam with Max. 

He had so many questions: how was Adam alive? Did he remember the Mindflayer? Why did he think he’d been in a commune? But Adam’s embrace was intoxicating, the feeling of his face in Cole’s hair was bliss– Cole didn’t want to ruin the moment with questions, because what if questioning it made Adam disappear? What if this wasn’t real?

Cole laughed, too; It was classic Adam to crack a joke at a time like this. Cole’s brows furrowed together at Adam’s apologies; he really seemed to believe the commune thing, and Cole hated seeing him so wrecked with guilt. “Adam, no… you didn’t run away. You were dead,” he said, his tone gentle. “And I don’t know how you’re back, but you are.”

Tears pricked up in Cole’s eyes again at the thought of Adam gone, but he pushed the thought aside for now. “And can we worry about the details later?” he asked, meeting Adam’s eyes and pushing hair out of his face like he always used to. Tenderly, Cole cupped Adam’s face and pressed their lips together. Somehow, every kiss with Adam felt like magic– sloppy drunk kisses and rushed kisses in hidden corners alike felt like coming home, and now was no different. Cole leaned into the kiss, holding onto Adam like he was afraid he’d disappear if he let go. He paused, resting his forehead against Adam’s, and breathed: “I missed you so fucking much.”

Adam couldn’t wrap his brain around Cole’s words. There was no way. No way he had... because how could he be here now? If that had happened, why didn’t his family say anything? How could they just not remember? 

They had left his room exactly the same, down to the dirty clothes littering the floor and the half-drunk can of New Coke on his bedside table. At first, when he’d come home and seen that, he’d felt odd about it. Like he was a ghost, returning to the place he’d felt most comfortable haunting. Maybe... maybe there had been some truth to that feeling. But that was just impossible. Right? How could someone be dead for three years, then just come back like nothing had happened? 

Adam stopped that train of thought in it’s tracks. “No, I... no.” He said more firmly, shaking his head again. His hands let go of Cole briefly, only for his balled up fists to scrub at his eyes. “I didn’t die, Cole. I didn’t...” Adam repeated, voice pleading with Cole. Because he didn’t die. He couldn’t. What did that mean if he did? And what did it mean if he didn’t? “I left. I was in a commune. I’m sorry.” Adam repeated, voice breaking on his apology. 

And then Cole was kissing him, and the distress he’d just felt melted away slightly. It wasn’t gone. It was just shoved away to the back of his mind, deep in a dark place where Adam could hold on to it until he felt ready to process something that huge. Adam’s arms returned to Cole, wrapping around him and pulling him close. For the first time ever, Adam didn’t really care that they were in a semi-public place. Mrs. Sanders be damned. He kissed Cole sweetly, making up for the three years they’d been apart as best as he could. Adam ached for that time back, but he would take what he could get now. As they pulled away, Adam leaned his forehead against Cole’s, sighing at how right it felt. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here.” 

mmuscles​:

at first, thad was satisfied. he had so clearly gotten under adam’s skin with the first comment, and that was his goal. he continued looking smug, coolly propped against the vending machine. nothing adam could say or do would bother him. he had the high ground so to speak, and he was basking in it. 

in truth, it wasn’t like adam had ever done anything to him other than beat him in a game of beer pong and be overall annoying, but at his core, thad knew about adam and cole, which was enough to put a target on their backs. it was a true moment of weakness when thad kissed cole, the guy had pissed him off so bad, he didn’t know what to do other than that. it was frustrating, it was scary. even though cole had no intentions of sharing what had happened with the class, it was abundantly apparent adam knew, and that had to be why they had this weird rivalry. at least, that was what made sense in thad’s head. to him, all of the pointed comments and agitating behavior on his own end were warranted, adam knew something, something that nobody else could ever know. and if thad fucked with him enough? maybe he’d keep it to himself, too. but beyond that, beneath layers and layers thad had yet to pull back he was jealous. not necessarily because adam was with cole, or cole was with adam, but because they were together, so disgustingly in love, and it didn’t feel fair that something he struggled with so deeply came so apparently natural to others, to them. 

right when thad became comfortable with the notion he might be sitting pretty for the rest of this conversation, adam snapped. with fear, his eyes widened and he immediately stood up off the vending machine, hands helplessly flailing into the air, “shut up, man!” it was thad’s turn to say. between bringing up the kiss and telling him to get lost, thad had it. he panicked, but this time he wasn’t going to kiss some guy in the middle of a hospital hallway. instead, he lunged for adam, “don’t say shit like that!” he tried to sound tough, intimidating, but if anything it came out as a plea as he tried to slap his hand over adam’s mouth while he hurled one last insult, “if you could pull your head out of your ass dude, you’d realize you’re the one acting jealous and crazy right now! maybe if you didn’t have this…this…freak side to you, that would’ve never happened with your boyfriend and i!” 

Adam wasn’t used to hating people. In his life, the list of people he’d truly disliked had only really included Tommy Hagan and Carol Perkins, and that felt well-deserved considering the cruelty they’d leveled at the kids at their school deemed unpopular. He preferred neutrality to distaste, but there were just some people he couldn’t feel neutral about. And Thad Bradshaw was one of them.

This animosity between them had been growing since their very first interaction in Hawkins. It had been building, the tension between them growing stronger and stronger each time Thad called Cole ‘Pretty Boy,’ or each time Adam had felt the need to beat him at something. They were just such opposites at their core; two people who likely could never have gotten along, even if Thad hadn’t kissed Cole weeks ago. They were too different to ever see eye to eye - and not just because Thad was a good seven inches shorter than him. 

He gritted his teeth when Thad went on the defensive, Adam’s comment about him kissing Cole evidently being a sensitive subject. In another situation, Adam would have apologized. Even if he had never really felt the effects of internalized homophobia before, he knew it was a sensitive subject, especially for guys like Thad who always felt like that had something to prove. But Adam wouldn’t apologize. No, he opened his mouth to continue when suddenly, Thad was smacking at it. Adam’s eyes widened, his hands tensing as Thad lunged at him. “What the fuck, Thad?” He snapped, slapping Thad’s hand away. 

Although his blood was boiling over the entire interaction, he was still ready to walk away. He was better than this; Adam didn’t fight people unless they threatened someone he cared about. But then Thad landed the final blow and Adam felt all of his composure snap. 

If you didn’t have this…this…freak side to you, that would’ve never happened with your boyfriend and I!

He felt like he could throw up. White hot rage coursed through his body, his hands coming up before he could stop them. But the thing was...Adam didn’t want to stop himself. He didn’t want to walk away. Thad had crossed a line, and all of their interactions had been leading to this anyway, right? Implying that it was Adam’s fault that Cole and Thad had kissed - that Adam had had any control over any of this shit that he’d been going through - made him see red. 

And so he shoved Thad as hard as he could into the vending machine, not even flinching when he heard the other’s body hit it. 

Adam wasn’t an angry person; he didn’t like violence. But Thad had it coming, and Adam could make his peace with that. 

loverboymontgomery​:

Cole never could’ve imagined this– any of this– when Adam Richards had approached him to be his English tutor freshman year. He’d known who Adam was, of course, because everyone did. It was normal to have a crush on the hot and funny and sweet quarterback, as evidenced by the conversations he had with the cheerleaders, except for the fact that Cole was a boy, too. He’d made peace with it, figured it would pass when Adam graduated and Cole would hear about his engagement to Chrissy Cunningham one day from some nosy mom in the Melvald’s checkout line. That was how things were supposed to be. But then, one night in February after a few hours of studying for an English test, Adam had kissed Cole.

Everything changed that day, and Adam quickly became the subject of all of Cole’s thoughts. They were inseparable for three years, and those were easily the best three years of Cole’s life. In every way, Adam was Cole’s balance: where Cole was shut off and withdrawn, Adam was open and giving, where Cole was book smart, Adam was emotionally intelligent, where Cole was cautious, Adam was trusting. Cole wasn’t religious at all, but he truly believed they were meant to find each other, and he never hesitated to tell Adam as much. So when Adam died in the ‘freak accident’ just before they were going to run away together, Cole’s life halted. Since then, he’d felt like he was a ghost, moving through the motions of life despite being completely detached. He didn’t really care what happened to him, not if it was without Adam. And when Adam came back? It was supposed to be good, and easy, and they were supposed to move on. It was still good, Adam was still Adam, but it was impossible to ignore the reality of the situation: that Adam had died and come back, and there were side effects.

Still, it was worth it to try– to push it to the side for a few hours at least. When Adam offered to plan a date, Cole was elated. When he showed up at Cole’s door with their usual from Benny’s, Cole had wanted to cry. He had longed for this for so long. He’d gathered a few things in a bag of his own– his dusty copy of The Odyssey, a chapstick, his house key, a few rogue pens and highlighters, and at the very bottom of the bag, his flask. Just in case things went South, not that they would, he just didn’t really go anywhere without it these days. Cole left the bag on the floorboards of the passenger seat and climbed into the truck bed with Adam. Like it was the most natural thing in the world, Cole scooted closer to him and nestled into his chest, angling his face to the sky to look at the stars like they’d done dozens of times before. “Mhmm,” he hummed contentedly, smiling at the memory. “We were so worried someone would find us,” he chuckled. “Worth the risk.” All of it was worth the risk– Cole would always choose Adam, always. Cole shoved Adam away jokingly, “In my defense, what the fuck are jumper cables?” He laughed, though, unable to resist Adam with that grin. As they shifted and Adam leaned against Cole, he ran his fingers through the other’s hair gently. Everything about this felt so right, and Cole felt completely at peace. As Adam kissed his cheek, Cole caught his chin and lifted it so their lips met. “I love you,” he responded, feeling pressure building behind his eyelids. Not tonight, surely he could go one night without crying. “Thank you for this,” he said, kissing Adam’s forehead with a smile. 

Adam hadn’t known how much his life would change when he asked Cole Montgomery to be his English tutor. He thought they’d become friends maybe, if everything went well. He’d never imagined that they might end up here, together, after so many years. Dating Cole had been a wonderful, amazing surprise that had completely changed the entire trajectory of his life. Without that one kiss in February his sophomore year of high school, Adam would have never become the person he was today. Walden Cole Montgomery had never been part of his plan. But in the end, Adam was so fucking happy and grateful for the years they had had together. 

Dying had thrown a massive wrench into the life plans they had made together. Before whatever had happened to Adam during the summer of 1985, he was going to run away with Cole. They’d planned it all out - wait until Cole left for college in California, and then Adam would go with him. He’d turned down offers to play football at three different colleges, something his parents had thought he was insane for, in order to wait an extra year on Cole. And at the time, it had all seemed so worth it. They would get to be happy and themselves together in San Francisco, and that mattered more than being Mr. Quarterback at Purdue or Ball State. The fights with his dad didn’t matter - not if it meant getting to be who he really was. And everything had been going according to plan that summer; everything had been perfect. Until... until whatever had happened to him. Adam wished he could just remember, that he knew why he’d done all of those things and why he had died.

But he probably never would get that closure. And maybe he would just have to learn to live with that. 

Right now, he was more concerned about whatever was going on with Cole. There was so much that Adam just didn’t know how to ask or how to talk about. How could he bring up his own death and it’s affect on Cole? How could he ask about the extra drinks he’d seen him having lately and why he felt like he needed them? Adam wanted to understand, he wanted to be there for Cole. But he also wished that things could just be simple, like they used to be. That for five minutes, he could forget about dying and the way it had hurt everyone around him. So, he wrapped an arm around Cole, laughing into his curls at the mention of being scared of getting caught. “I know, I drove down the road with the headlights completely turned off. We’re lucky I didn’t hit a tree,” He murmured. Back then, their biggest fear had been the wrong people finding out. It was almost laughable now. “Spending time with you was always worth the risk,” Adam agreed immediately. “Being alone with you was always the best part of my day.” He had needed that alone time away from the prying eyes of their classmates or families. Chrissy and Beth had known, of course, but they’d needed to hide from everyone else. Getting to drop the act of being straight and just be himself with Cole had always been such a relief. 

As Cole shoved him, Adam chuckled, grabbing his wrists and tugging him closer to kiss him once. “You’re hopeless,” He teased, laughing against Cole’s lips, pressing his own more firmly against them again. “How would you jump start your car without me around? What happens if I can’t come help you out? You need to learn some basic mechanics, baby.” As Cole began to play with his hair, Adam sighed, feeling more relaxed than he had the entire time he’d been back. This was perfect. Tonight was perfect. His relationship with Cole Montgomery was perfect, even if there were cracks in it. Nothing was broken that couldn’t be repaired with some glue, some love and attention. As Cole pulled him back in for a gentle kiss, Adam felt his face warm at the softness of him kissing his forehead. “Any time.” Adam replied, pulling Cole closer to him so that Cole was laying back on his chest again. “Are you okay?” He asked him softly, not wanting to break the wordless agreement of keeping things lighter between them, but also needing to know. “You know I’m here for you, right? I always will be.” 

Maybe that wasn’t true. Maybe that was a promise Adam couldn’t make Cole, but he wanted it to be true, and that had to count for something, right?