Musings - Blog Posts

often,

i feel like a lost sailor in a vast expanse of ocean. A tiny dot of an entity, in comparison to the hugeness of the sea. At times, waves toss my small dinghy, water pouring over the sides, soaking me to my bone. I lie gasping for air in the face of such great loss and pain.

Other days I can lay against the side of the ship, hand dangling in the water, and allow myself rest. Soft shoals of sand shimmer far beneath the calming ebb of the waves, lulling me to sleep.

Raising my spyglass to my eye provides little to no insight into the future temperament of the sea.

Sometimes I wish i could delve deep into the waves themselves. Find the tides and currents that I would ride to new destinations. No longer confined to my tiny vessel. No longer at the mercy of that next storm.

I wonder if one day life will allow for more control over my direction. My destination.

I wish to navigate this sea with the adeptness not only of sailors, but of the creatures that live inside it. I want to make this chaos known. As familiar as a home.

But for now i am battered helplessly against walls of water. Tossed from moment to moment, clinging onto my ship for dear life. Praying for the next soft day. Constantly at the mercy of the ocean. Lost without a will of my own.

I grow tired of battling for an inch of direction. Maybe one day I will know this sea better.

//Tag List?

Oh boy gimme a bit to get used to using Tumblr again.  I might make them fancy later but for now sweet and simple sounds good to me.

Sometimes you just think about how certain mannerisms you pick up from your loved ones will be one of the few things you'll have of them once they're gone. That even memories won't last as long as holding yourself a certain way or how you move when you get excited. Memories of a person can't be passed on throughout generations, but a mannerism can and they're a way of showing the mark that someone has left on the world, decades or even centuries after the memory of them has faded. It shows that they were here and that they mattered.

And sometimes you just want to go to Cracker Barrel.

x I plead the fifth

Honestly, I love it when characters relapse. When someone who’s gotten over their anger issues falls into a situation so out of their depth they fall back on their old habits. When someone who’s learned to open up becomes a recluse again in order to cope with something outside their control.

There’s just something so horrible, so toxic, about watching a character grow and then slip back into their old selves in order to cope, bc you know they still care, that they’re the same inside, but watching them hurt so hard they don’t know what else to do brings a sense of catharsis.

Underrated character appreciation post, Tetsutetsu

Shimi's sexuality (although stated to be bi) has been described as both gay (mlm) and lesbian (wlw), depending on how funny it is in the scenario

Beautiful cow who is mooing at you

“reasons to not kiss him: 1. you weren’t raised to love tender. 2. when he’s around all you do is tremble. when he’s around you want to get on your knees. look how much power he has over you. it’s dangerous. 3. he’s too good at forgiving and you’re too good at violence. 4. you know what they say about monsters. you know what happens to the boys who love them. are you going to do that to him? 5. your hands don’t know how to be gentle. think about the last beautiful thing that shattered in your palms. the fresh rosebuds crumbling between your fingers like a bruise. you wolf-boy, you war machine. you wouldn’t know how to hold something magic and not destroy it. 6. if you hurt him it might kill you 7. if you hurt him you might kill yourself. 8. you are very bad at rehabilitation. this is one addiction you’d fail to give up. he’s going to ruin you for all other kisses and all other boys and you’ll spend the rest of your life trying to forget his name. 9. you still aren’t sure he isn’t a dream. 10. if you kiss him, you might wake up. reasons to kiss him: 1. because he’s beautiful. 2. because he asked. 3. because he preceded please with, i’m not afraid of you.”

—

yes & no // Natalie Wee

Find my book on Amazon / Goodreads.

I ❤️ self-loathing characters, characters who struggle with monstrosity (either fearing or embracing it), characters who are so lonely, who have a gaping hole in their chest, who bottle up & repress their feelings, who claw their way up & have ambitions, who fall down & lose everything, who search for identity & purpose yet can’t see themselves outside of what others want from or expect of them, who are hurt & hurt others, who long & grieve, who lie & pretend. characters who are messy & flawed & human

could you love me at my worst?

They aren't mine biologically. But I love them like they are.

people really be like "why is this character not behaving 100% effectively in line with their values and intentions while experiencing overwhelmingly strong emotions :/ so ooc" as if they themselves don't make 6 irrational emotionally fueled decisions before breakfast like everyone else

I love you characters that hold grudges I love you anger as a defence mechanism i love you being consumed by anger I love you being destroyed by anger I love you being healed by anger i love you obvious anger I love you anger buried so deep it’s intrinsic to who you are I love you revenge nurtured so long it feels like a loved one I love you rage I love you temper I love you characters that grieve by lashing out i love you anger on behalf of others I love you characters comforted by their anger I love you wrath I love you fury I love you indignation I love you anger

Cool off

I.. I get to have two of them..? There’s two Kirishimas?

I guess crusty rot villain got some upgrades or whatever but we all know what was the most important new info in the latest chapter. 

     My misery              My 𝙖𝙜𝙤𝙣𝙮         

                     Has taught me to 𝒻𝓁𝓎  !

date a boy that lets you play video games with him

I love characters that are completely harmless until they finally unleash their power and then they’re TERRIFYING

I colored it

Eijirou Kirishima vs. Tetsutetsu Tetsutetsu

Recent commissions!

the sun is cresting over the horizon, the golden light falling on your face and the wind whispering in your ears. i entwine your hand with mine. i’m not letting go ever again. 

Date a boy who makes you feel at peace with yourself

       "But here was a man mourning tomorrow 

                       He drank, but finally drowned in his sorrow"

Based on A Sadness Runs Through Him by The Hoosiers

Just a little piece on Shimi with stress. She can get extremely overwhelmed by it all. 

(there’s a close up on the face down there, cause that expression was just good shit)

Keep reading

// Based on this  (ill add a link in the replies for those on mobile)

The flowers on Shimi are Jasmine (Plumeria) and Red Tulips, which are both representatives for love.

I feel as if there's nothing to look forward to and I am feeling this after my high school ended.......WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME.

My problem is saying I don't give a shit about what anyone says and yet seeking validation from them.

"That's the real sickness here, your righteousness and hypocrisy. It's the simple fact that you can't live by the rules you set, yet you still pretend. This is your world. You bulit this. If it's too strict, tear it the fuck down. But don't look at me. Don't take your hate out on me, I just got here. And I have no clue where to go, because from the moment I arrived, all I was ever given were orders. 'Smile. Open up. Cross your legs. Speak softer. Scream louder. Be quiet. Be confident. Be an angel. Be a whore. Be a princess. Be anything you want to be'...."

~Assassination nation, 2018.