My Gf And Her Moots Came Up With The Sick Idea Of South Park And Homestuck Crossover So I Couldn't Resist

both kyle and cartman joined the debate club in high school. kyle thought it would help him with his public speaking skills and improve his critical thinking, meanwhile cartman was just looking for an opportunity to release the anger and stress he had and fucking destroy someone in a verbal fight.

and – uh-oh, such a coincidence – they both joined it at the same time without knowing it.

kyle was obviously pissed off, and he was actually thinking of quitting, because the idea of spending school hours arguing with cartman didn’t really seem appealing to him, but eventually his pride wouldn’t let him simply give up.

“I can be in any club I want, and I won’t let Cartman fucking ruin it for me! You’ll see, dude, he’ll drop out in one or two meetings when I absolutely win him in a debate!” as he then explained to stan.

kyle was preparing for the first debate harder than for any of his normal school activities. he would spend nights perfecting his reasoning and making a plan for his speech, until he was absolutely sure cartman had zero chances to win.

the theme was something controversial like, i’m not sure, politics or something, and kyle was totally sure that cartman would come unprepared, because he hates anything homework-like, and he ususally prefers improvising.

he was wrong, though, as cartman has been preparing. he entered the classroom with a small stack of papers with his reasoning on them, he was smiling brightly and joking, and kyle for the first time felt insecure about his skills. he felt rather nervous as he knew that cartman’s charisma and the ability to tell lies in the blink of his eye made kyle look worse in a debate, but he still hoped the teacher had some common sense and wouldn’t let cartman blind them with his confident smiles and fake politeness.

but the nervous anxious feeling in kyle’s chest wouldn’t go away, so when cartman started speaking, kyle couldn’t just stay quiet, sighing irritatedly when cartman said things like “violence is bad”. as kyle knew damn well that’s not what cartman actually thought.

so when the debate was coming to its end and cartman was giving another hypocritical speech, kyle just couldn’t be silent anymore, interrupting cartman with his new counter arguments (and adding some insults as well). cartman, of course, lost his temper too, and the constructive discussion instantly became a heated bickering. teachers tried to stop it but when kyle and cartman are fighting literally nothing can distract them.

cartman: Look, capitalism is just the natural way of things. It's the perfect system, without it everything would fall apart!

kyle: How can you be sooo blind and ignorant to everything?! Capitalism breeds inequality, it's the reason behind a lot of problems in our society, you just don't know it because you haven't experienced all the struggles, you fat privileged fuck!

cartman: Oh, I’m privileged?? Well, you’re just a whiny jew who can't handle the truth. You're just jealous your greedy ass can't make money yourself!

kyle: Shut up, Cartman, I’m warning you!

after a few antisemitic-fatphobic-homophobic slurs they were both kicked out and banned from entering the club again.

they both seemed disappointed and annoyed by it, but cartman had a smug smirk on his face, feeling proud of making kyle mad.

they wouldn’t stop their fight though, arguing all the way back home, without being pressured or watched, and kyle caught himself thinking that arguing with cartman is pretty, well, addicting and he might actually be enjoying it.

at the end they decided it’s a tie, and for the goodbye cartman says something like “Well, you’re annoying as fuck, but I gotta hand it to you, you’re good at debating. Who even needs that stupid club, anyway?”

and kyle smiles, nodding. “Next week, the same time” he says already walking away from Cartman.

and they meet again, choosing a topic and preparing for the debate by themselves because they don’t need a club to argue with each other.

i am absolutely addicted to making crossovers between my current fandoms and south park

did i mention i love kyman crossovers? i have come up with a kyman au that is a crossover with infinity train.

first of all if someone has no idea what infinity train is, that’s a cartoon about an odd train with an endless amount of cars in it. people get to this train suddenly, and they have a green flashing number on their hand, each is individual. it represents the main psychological trouble a person has. number can go up and down depending on how far a person is from solving the problem. the main aim of the train is to help ppl solve their trouble and make peace with themselves. (for example the main character of season 1 was a girl whose parents were divorced, and she blamed herself for that. she could only get off the train when she realised she’s not responsible for their decision and sometimes things change for the better)

so basically m4 + butters got to the train to the different cars each, but eventually they would find each other. i think first of all kyle found someone like butters or kenny, and cartman found stan. they would wander around through all those cars trying to understand the meaning of the numbers. when they finally all met up they saw that everyone’s numbers are different (butters has the biggest one and kenny has the least one) except for kyman because they share the same number. and it really pisses them off, because they have no idea why the hell they have something (anything) in common. so they’d start arguing and fighting AND THE NUMBER SUDDENLY WENT UP.

cartman: Aye! Are you copying me or what?

kyle: What are you talking about, Fata– oh! Your number! The same as mine…

cartman: Yeah, Kahl, that’s what I wanted to ask you about!

kyle: I have no idea why it is this way. Probably a coincidence?

cartman: What are the odds of this, huh?

kyle: I don’t know! And fuck off already, I’m already pretty sick of hearing you again.

cartman: You’re sick?? I’m the one who is forced to stay in a godforsaken closeted space with fucking Kyle!

kyle: Ughhh, it was much better to walk with Kenny, you fat fuck.

cartman: Yes, I also prefer Stan’s company muuuch better! …Wait.

kyle: Huh?

cartman: The number. It changed. It was 167 and now it’s 176!

kyle: …Mine too…

cartman: So they are connected.

kyle: I guess they are…

cartman: Oh, screw it, now my number is connected to the jew’s number! That’s not good, I swear it’s a bad luck…

kyle: Shut up already, would you?? I’m trying to think. You made our numbers go up.

cartman: Oh, so now it’s my fault?!

kyle: Whose else could it be?

cartman: My number was totally fine until I met you! I bet you did something to it and now because of your tricks I’ll never leave that train and never go home and that means I’ll never eat my goddamn KFC dinner my mother had promised me today.

kyle: Oh, so that’s the only thing that bothers you??

cartman: No, it actually bothers me a lot that I’m stuck here with you, of all people!!

(lmao btw the numbers are not random, 167 is a number of s16e7 “cartman finds love” and 176 is “ginger cow :D)

so they fight a lot and their number goes up and up, and then cartman does one small nice things for kyle and number goes a but down, so he realises the number depends on their friendship??? so he starts using it trying to act nice and good to kyle (not genuinely ofc)

cartman, opens the car’s door for kyle: After you, my dear friend.

kyle: What are you doing?

cartman: What? Just trying to help you, that’s all.

kyle: …You enter this one first.

cartman: What. Why?

kyle: I don’t trust you. It’s probably the most dangerous one and you just want to lock me there or something.

cartman: Why would I do that, Kahl?

kyle: Because you hate me.

cartman: That’s not true! It’s just friendly fighting, nothing more. Come on, Kyle, I’ll help you with that car! Hey, and did I mention you look sooo great today?

kyle, raising an eyebrow: The fuck are you talking about? What’s the catch? And why do you keep looking at your number?

cartman: Oh my GOD! Can’t I just be nice to you for a goddamn minute without you suspecting me of some delusional ideas, you fucking jew?!

kyle: I want to know why you’re nice, because I will never believe you’re genuine about that.

cartman: Oh, for fuck’s sake, just keep going!

and he realises it doesn’t work until it’s sincere.

so it takes them about two months to fix their friendship and be honest about it. that they don’t actually hate each other, that they have much more in common than they thought. and then they’re stuck at something like 10, for, um, two weeks. nothing they do can change their number no matter how nice and good they are to each other. the thing is the train wanted them to be honest to themselves, and they couldn’t do it without admitting they like each other more than friends :3

AND OH GOD PLS TELL ME IT DOESN’T SOUND DELUSIONAL AND CRINGE BECAUSE IVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS SHIT FOR LIKE THE WHOLE DAY.

girls say that they’re bi and then they’re attracted to

kyle that actually tries to get along with cartman’s kids and suddenly feels extremely nostalgic because they act exactly like cartman in his childhood, and even if they are little monsters he still adores it, surprisingly for himself. meanwhile eric himself is trying his best to forget all those horrible things he did in his past because he feels so ashamed and now he absolutely refuses to admit that his kids might be pretty similar to how he was when he was ten.

one day kyle is watching kids playing in the front yard from the kitchen where cartman stands next to him and cooks them both a breakfast. they’re sitting in comforting silence, both still sleepy, with messy hair, wearing their pyjamas, and at one moment kyle sighs dreamily and mumbles something like “Wow, some things really don’t change, huh…”. eric just raises an eyebrow not quite understanding what that was about, so he says “Sorry?” and waits for elaboration. kyle chuckles and wordlessly nods in the kids direction. eric smiles, not even looking at them and says “Yeah, they’re such angels”, to which kyle only laughs and says “Dude, they’re more like little devils. I mean, they’re little copies of you in your childhood”. cartman immediately frowns and gets extremely defensive like “What the eff, Kyle, they’re not at all like I was. My kids would never be like that, I won’t let you disrespect them at my house”, and kyle just sits there with a smile looking at how kids outside are trying to burn an orange stuffed voodoo bear in a silly little green hat with a note “kyle” on him. cartman finally turns his head to see what they are up to, and then he barely holds laughter adding “Well, maybe there is just one similarity”.

@bloogers-boogers THANKS A LOT FOR YOUR HEADCANON I CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT KYLES INTERACTION WITH THE KIDS

i like to think that every time cartman agrees with kyle on something, kyle gets really confused and subconsciously waits for cartman to start an argument so it goes like

kyle: …Yes, so that’s what I think.

cartman: Cool, I think so too.

kyle: What?

cartman: What?

kyle: Aren’t you gonna argue?…

cartman: Why would I? Your point sounds reasonable.

kyle: No, wait, that’s… that feels kinda weird. What about the part when I said that I formed my opinion based on that one research? Aren’t you gonna check it to see if I didn’t make it up by myself?…

cartman: Wtf, Kyle, you want me to argue with you??

kyle: No, I don’t! …But maybe you should check the last fact I talked about, now that I think about it, the source doesn’t seem very reliable.

cartman: ???????

i understood i have a huge fucking hyperfixation on kyman when today while i was thinking about a kyman au in the shower i realised that i’m about to have a panic attack so i got out of the shower as quickly as possible to write down a short description of this au so i don’t forget it and then i just continued crying and shaking

professor: Mister Broflovski, when I gave you an assignment to make a presentation on any legal topic of your choice, I didn’t exactly mean this…

kyle, standing next to a laptop with an “every crime ever committed by eric cartman” presentation: What do you mean🥺

so here’s a k2 au where kyle somehow managed to notice kenny’s deaths, and how i imagine his reaction would be.

first of all, we all know kyle’s saviour complex and his “older brother” behaviour, so i strongly believe he would be shocked by kenny’s immortality and his first intention is simple af – to protect kenny and not let him die anymore. it’s kind of a subconscious thing, but i think kyle would feel guilt for not knowing about kenny’s sufferings, he’d feel like a shitty friend, and would want to restore his reputation by “saving kenny”. he would make it like some sort of his moral obligation.

and that was great at the beginning because kenny is not used to such caring protective treatment, but as the time passed kyle would become more, uh, insistent?

he would have unknowingly deprived kenny of the opportunity to enjoy those crumbs of a happy, calm, free life that he had, because of his overprotection.

he really didn’t mean to discomfort kenny though, but it just. happened?... because kyle is very overprotective and sometimes he can “suffocate” with his care as we can see it from his interactions with ike.

i can literally see a scene where they all went to a potentially dangerous place such as amusement park, and kyle doesn’t want kenny to get hurt so they avoid “dangerous” things.

someone suggests to kyle and kenny to go to the rides, kenny smiles happily and is already running towards the roller coaster, but kyle grabs his hand and pulls him towards the children's carousels instead, saying that the rest is too dangerous,

and kenny is sitting on this children's carousel next to kindergarteners, with a dreary look on his face. he sees stan and cartman, screaming with delight on the adult attractions, and sighs very sadly.

and this happens more and more because kyle is responsible and he doesn’t want to break his promise. and one day kenny just gets so sick of this, like… i see how they can start arguing, because kenny wants to do something dangerous, and kyle holds him back, and kenny just loses his temper (he can get really furious when people are trying to take what gives him joy, as we see in s12e3 “major boobage”).

and kyle also gets angry so he replies smth like: "But look, how long has it been since your last death??? Two months, Kenny!! You’ve never been alive for such a long time in a row! All thanks to my care!" and kenny, who is already freaking out on emotions, says something like "WELL MAYBE DYING WAS MORE FUN THAN HANGING OUT WITH YOU!" and kyle gets so devastated. so he just frowns with a blank look, mumbles quiet “Oh… I see” and leaves.

and then after this, it has been like two or three days already, kenny dies once again, so he remembers how this can hurt. he feels a bit guilty about his words, so he comes up to kyle and they finally have a talk:

kyle: You… you really think I’m hurting you with my protection?

kenny: (Wait, no, I didn’t mean to offend you–)

kyle: But you think so, don’t you?

kenny: (It’s just… I’m used to dying, Kyle, I don’t need this much concern.)

kyle: But I… I know that but, it’s like… when I imagine you being injured or dead… Everything inside me just aches and shrinks, and… I guess I am overreacting, but I just don’t want you to go through something like this any more than needed.

kenny: (Aw :( )

kyle: I’m sorry, Kenny, I didn’t mean to…

kenny: *hugs* (That’s fine.)

and they’re finally fine. at least they’re trying to find this golden middle between protection and recklessness :3

matching canes??? 😨