Does Anybody Else Badly Want A TBB Novelization Or Is It Just Me

Wrecker: so, this didn’t ACTUALLY happen. But let’s pretend that it did. Let’s just say that Tech was trying to get access to an encrypted comm channel, but he couldn’t because he needed to be plugged in to this one computer.

Hunter: uh huh.

Wrecker: and uh, let’s pretend that he had this really REALLY long cord. And Crosshair volunteered to crawl through the ventilation system to plug the cord into the computer.

Hunter: uh huh.

Wrecker: and let’s say that, just maybe, I sat on Tech’s comm while he was giving Crosshair directions. And Tech lost contact with him.

Hunter: right.

Wrecker: so like uh, if that WERE to happen, how would you go about finding Crosshair again?

Hunter: Wrecker, did you and Tech lose Crosshair in Kamino’s ventilation system?

Wrecker: no!! Well, uh, I mean, we didn’t LOSE him…

Hunter: *long sigh* *yanks vent covering off the wall* where did you last hear from him

The more that I think about the early episodes of TBB S3, the funnier they get to me. Like

First we have Crosshair, who is really getting to know Omega for the first time. His only real interactions with her in the past have involved his brothers being EXTRA protective of her, so in his head Omega is probably just this poor, scared, naive little kid. And then one day she just pulls up to his prison cell and is like “what’s up, loser, we’re getting out of here” and then proceeds to sneak him out of a high security government lab under the nose of the emperor himself (she knows our battle plans?? Of course she knows all of our battle plans, that’s a normal thing to teach a 12 year old…) Not to mention the fact that Omega gambled in a bar and won more credits than either of them had probably ever seen in their lives, so that they could bribe the space TSA into getting them off world (WHY does the kid know how to gamble). Not that Crosshair is in any position to judge someone’s parenting, but he has QUESTIONS.

Omega, meanwhile, is for the first time getting the full Crosshair Experience, complete with every bit of sarcasm, snark, and sass that the man has been bottling up on Tantiss, and she is not having it. No, Crosshair, I don’t really know how to fly this shuttle, why don’t you quit your backseat flying and get your butt up here and do this yourself? No, Crosshair, we cannot open fire on civilians in an airport, I thought that was just an inhibitor chip thing for you. No, Crosshair, we are NOT LEAVING OUR MAN-EATING HOUND ALONE AND UNSUPERVISED ON A RESIDENTIAL PLANET.

And then you have Hunter, who hasn’t been thinking clearly for five months and who probably is living off a diet of spiked lemonade and sour patch kids (to match the bitterness inside him), who went from thinking “oh yeah we’re gonna settle down on Space Greece” to “Wrecker, that one crime syndicate called us back, if we murder this one guy for them then they MIGHT give us some info on Omega, wheels up in 10”

And poor Wrecker finds himself as The Responsible Adult for the first time in his life, which is incredibly confusing and a little bit scary and Hunter, you are TOO CLOSE to the edge of that cliff!! He’s never really believed in vegetables before but Echo says they’re good for you so he spends every moment that he’s not trying to keep Hunter from starting a second interplanetary war over the disappearance of his kid attempting to convince Hunter to try an apple or something.

And then it all culminates in this very tense, dramatic moment where they’re all staring at each other and Omega is like “yay now we can all get therapy!” and Wrecker is like “Echo come back I can’t do this on my own anymore” and Hunter is like “you can’t commit fratricide in front of the kid, you can’t commit fratricide in front of the kid” and Crosshair is like “TAKE YOUR SCARY CHILD BACK” and if that’s not peak Bad Batch then I don’t know what is

“I’d say he’s more bark than bite, but he shoots things for a living. So.”

—Echo, about Crosshair, at some point probably

Where do I sign

give me one season of the bad batch but it's set during clone wars era, so it's just them being a squad together and going on missions and being cool in perfect synchronicity. it can be a mixture of before and after they got echo in their ranks. I just want to see them work together when things were a little more simple, when they were together. my badass 99s. please.

How many of Crosshair’s instructors do you think he shot. Like, not accidentally

Hunter wasn’t jealous watching Omega chew on a toothpick just like Crosshair. He just knew her sarcastic potential and was terrified that Crosshair would turn her into his evil, sassy prodigy, and he only has the mental capacity to deal with one of those in his squad

Never gonna get over the fact that Captain Rex spent FOUR episodes with The Bad Batch, during which time:

Tech nearly wipes out a runway construction crew, Tokyo Drift style

Crosshair picks 3 separate fights with regs, including Rex himself (and Rex socks him in the face for it)

Hunter literally looks Rex in the face after receiving orders and says “ehhh yeah no” and then proceeds to charge an approaching enemy squadron head on

Wrecker begs to explode just about every single building they lay eyes on

Hunter confesses to a Jedi general that he’s never submitted a single report in his life

Hunter also goes for a joyride by dangling from the foot of a giant winged beast from a single rappelling line

Tech later convinces them all to jump through the air onto the backs of said winged beasts in the middle of heavy enemy fire after summoning them with his self-made Animal Sound Spotify

Wrecker destroys like 100 battle droids in 3.5 seconds with his bare hands and laughs like a maniac the entire time

Crosshair, rather than let himself be shown up by Wrecker, destroys like 1/6 of the enemy forces with tiny hand mirrors and a single laser shot

The entire batch is sassing each other THE ENTIRE TIME (“don’t worry, Wrecker, I’LL hold your hand” “yeah…it’s a lift” “me and the boys will tag along, just to say I told you so”)

And after all of that, Rex looked at Echo and was like “yeah I think we’ve found your new home” and Echo was just like 😍😍

Echo: When I first met you, I thought you were weird and annoying.

[long pause]

Crosshair: And?

Echo: And you are.

It would be unfair not to reblog this

This thought came to me at work today, but what if at one point the Marauder kept having issues with its navigation system or something?? And Hunter kept filing reports for it, but since he’s kinda lazy when it comes to reporting he just writes “tech issues” and hits submit

And then one day he gets a call from Cody, and Cody is like, “hey, uh…is Tech okay??” And Hunter’s like, what do you mean. And then Cody produces three months’ worth of reports that say “tech issues” and goes, “Well, apparently, he’s having problems…”

Crosshair never lets him live it down

Omega growing out of her “sweet happy-go-lucky child” phase and into her “moody emotional teenager” phase would be quite the upheaval in the Bad Batch household, because Hunter is probably devastated and emotional and a little scared about it all because that’s his little girl, but Crosshair just smirks and buys a pack of extra crunchy toothpicks because his time has come.