Forbidden Cheese

the dynamic

Phill: *telling tommy off*

Tommy: *trying to explain himself but is actually digging a deeper hole*

Wilbur: *singing something*

Techno: guys- guys please focus we need to win the game

Hand Pies

(Includes small, snackable pies!)

“The variety [of hand pies] presented below, made famous at Cuttle’s Meat Pies located in Waterdeep’s Trades Ward, is flavored with bacon and leeks and is extremely popular across the Heartlands, the Dales, and even the Savage Coast of Faerun, where hungry adventurers simply can’t get enough of them.” - Heroes’ Feast, p. 21

I think we can all agree that pie is one of the best foods ever (take that cake lovers). But, why should its awesomeness only extend to fruit, pudding, or whatever olden times had going on?

The Hand Pies in Heroes’ Feast are a great, filling meal to close to a long day. Packed with awesome carbs, proteins, and spices, they’re hard to resist! 

I was really interested to see if there was a way to turn the traditional, larger pies into snackable finger foods that could be brought to school or made for a party. After a little bit of testing, I found that they could! Since my main goal for this post was to create the snackable ones, I will be incorporating my process into the main body of my review instead of just keeping it to the notes after each step.

Although not the fastest meal to make, there are several ways to speed up the process and give yourself less work!

See below for my notes on the results and for some helpful tips and tricks when making this yourself! Get Heroes’ Feast here: https://dnd.wizards.com/heroes-feast

Prep Time: 20 mins               Cook Time: 2h 40 mins                  Overall: 3 h

* See results section for how to cut down vegetable prep time

** Prep time will increase if you’re making your own pie crust

For the ingredients:

6 slices thick-cut bacon*

1 large (about 8 ounces) Yukon gold potato, peeled and cut into ½-inch pieces

2 leeks, white and light green parts, halved lengthwise and thinly sliced

1 tbsp. (3 g) finely chopped fresh thyme

Kosher salt and freshly ground pepper

4 cloves garlic, finely chopped

1 pound (500 g) ground beef**

2 tbsp. (16 g) all-purpose flour

⅔ cup (160 ml) low-sodium chicken broth

¼ cup (60 ml) chopped fresh parsley

Pastry for 2 double-crust pies (about 1 ½ pounds), thawed if frozen

1 egg

Ketchup, grainy mustard, or steak sauce to serve (optional)

* I couldn’t find any thick-cut bacon at my grocery store, so I used double the amount of regular cut bacon instead.

** I used medium ground beef.

Preparing the Filling:

I cooked the regular cut bacon in batches in order to avoid crowding the pan. Because I was using thinner bacon, I had to cook the bacon all the way until crispy instead of just slightly browned.

I didn’t have enough rendered fat after cooking for the 2 ½ tbps. required in the next steps. To make up for it, I supplemented the missing amount with a neutral-tasting oil (like vegetable, canola, safflower, and grapeseed).

For the vegetable mixture, I first cooked the potatoes in 1 ½ tbps. of the reserved fat over medium-high heat. This took about 7 minutes, stirring frequently (above-left image).

Next, I added 1 tbsp. reserved fat, leeks, thyme, and ½ tsp. salt to the potatoes and cooked them for about 4 minutes. Then, I added the garlic and stirred it in until fragrant - about 1 minute.

Finally, I transferred it to a bowl, wiped out the pan, and returned it to medium-high heat.

For the beef mixture, I cooked the ground beef until it started to lose its pink colour (4-5 mins). You want to make sure you’re breaking up any large clumps as it cooks.

Next, I turned down the heat to medium and added the flour, stirring constantly for 1-2 minutes. After, I added the broth and ¾ tsp. salt, scraping the skillet to dissolve anything that got stuck to the bottom. The above-right image is what the beef mixture looked like after cooking it for 2 minutes. It shouldn’t be super liquidy.

Above is what the hand pie mixture looked like when I combined the vegetable and meat mixtures. After combining, I allowed the mixture to cool for about 20 minutes (barely warm).

When the mixture cooled, I incorporated the crumbled bacon and parsley. Finally, I covered it with cling wrap and put it in the fridge.

NOTE: To adjust the seasoning at this point, I would recommend only using pepper. I found the mixture was plenty salty.

Constructing the Pies:

First, I preheated the oven to 375℉ and lined two baking sheets with parchment paper. You could also use nonstick silicone liners.

Since I was using a homemade pie crust, I divided my dough into quarters then rolled them out on a lightly floured work surface until I could see the surface through the dough. I lightly floured the top of the dough and my rolling pin to keep the dough from sticking to it. Follow the same method if using store-bought dough.

To prevent the dough from breaking while chilled: start by rolling it out a little in one direction, rotate 90°, roll it out a little, and repeat. This way, you’re not just stretching the dough in one direction.

As you work with the dough, try not to let it get too warm! The chilled butter is what gives the pie crust a flaky texture. If you feel the dough start to warm up too much as you work with it, cover it with a clean, damp kitchen or damp paper towel and place it in the fridge for a few minutes before continuing.

If you notice any tears appear while you roll out the dough, overlap a bit of the dough in that area and roll over it using the rolling pin. If the tear is too large to do this, patch it up with some dough scraps and roll over it to seal it.

To create envelopes for the filling, I used a stencil to create 10 by 8-inch ovals for the large ones and used a ~3 ¾-inch diameter circular cookie cutter.

From my dough, I was able to get two large pies and 15 smaller ones (not using all the dough scraps will net you about 12).

NOTE: A bench scraper and/or a thin metal spatula is your friend while working with the dough. To make the pies easier to fold and transfer, make sure to go around and lift up all of the dough from the work surface.

For the large pies, I placed one cup of filling on the bottom third of the dough and left ~1 ½ inches for the border (above-left).

For the small pies, there are a few changes I would make with how I constructed them (above-right). Although using only a ½ tbsp. of filling made them easier to handle, you should absolutely use between ¾-1 tbs. instead. You may not get as clean of a seam, but it will help the pies stay juicy and have a better dough-to-filling ratio.

Also, I would consider using a slightly larger cookie cutter (4-inch diameter) and shaping the dough to be more like an oval. I think this would help with the difficulties when using more filling.

Finally, be mindful of how much filling you’re making/using. The amount of filling called for in the recipe is great when making four large pies but significantly less is needed when constructing the smaller ones. Out of the 15 made, adjusting for the recommended increase in filling would mean just barely 1 ½ cups is needed!

To ensure minimal food waste when only making the mini-pies, either make 2.5 times the amount of dough or make ¾ the amount of filling.

Put the filling for the little ones on the bottom half of the circle/oval leaving room for sealing and crimping.

To seal the pies, I started by dipping my finger in water and going around the seam to moisten it. Next, using my bench scraper, I folded the dough over the meat filling. Finally, I used a fork to crimp the edges closed.

If you notice any breaks in the dough while you’re folding/crimping, don’t worry! Use any spare scraps of dough to cover the tears. If a tear appears when crimping the edges, cover it with scrap dough and crimp it down.

Each regular-sized hand pie took about 8 mins to assemble from rolling it out to sealing it. So, it will take you around half an hour to do all four (at least the first time).

The snack-sized pies took about 8 minutes for 4 of them. Therefore, it will take you just under half an hour to make 12 of them. When I put together all of my dough scraps for the little ones, I was able to make 3 extra snack pies - 15 in total.

Always use your bench scraper or flat metal spatula when working with or picking up the pies.

TIP: Because each pie takes time to construct and because we want the pie crust to stay cool, place each fully constructed pie in the fridge after sealing it. For the smaller ones, place each batch of 4 in the fridge as you finish them.

TIP: If you’re running out of space in your fridge for the baking sheets, use a cooling rack to place one tray on top of the other.

TIP: Wait until the pies have chilled in the fridge to score the X. It’s much easier to cut into the firm dough than the softer one.

Above is what the pies looked like before and after baking in the oven for about 40-45 mins. Be generous with the egg wash to give each pie a nice golden brown colour.

Above is what the pies looked like as they cooled - about 5 to 10 mins. Be mindful when transferring the large ones to the wire rack. They are very easy to break.

Overall, I would give this recipe a 4.5/5. Both the regular and the snack sized hand pies were delicious. Although, I would recommend eating the larger pies with a fork. They were a bit too flimsy to be eaten by hand. However, the filling to pie crust ratio was perfect.

As mentioned in the filling step, the only changes I would make to make the snack pies better would be to use a slightly larger cookie cutter and use more filling. Other than that, they were amazing. Everyone in my house agreed that they would make for great appetizers or finger foods for a party because “you can eat them and just feel like you’re snacking”. You can even turn the assembly into a fun activity (or pass off the work to guests who like to arrive early)!

I would highly recommend not making this a one-day event. As the longest hands-on recipe so far, I would split up the work as follows: 

Make the filling the day before

Make the pie crust and construct the pies the day of

Not only will this division of work make the recipe less daunting but it will allow the filling to chill completely - making it much easier to handle.

TIP: Although the prep time seems a little daunting, you can save time by completing certain parts of it while cooking. For example:

Cut up the potatoes and leeks while the bacon cooks

Chop up the thyme while the potato chunks cook

Quith-Pa

“The most common variety of elven rations, this vegetarian trail food is made up primarily of dried fruits, but regional variations can include seeds, nuts, legumes, and beyond.” - Heroes’ Feast, p. 57

The best way to describe Quith-Pa from Heroes’ Feast is as a fruit truffle instead of a chocolate one. Packed with refreshing, fruity sweetness, toasty flavours, and no added sugar, it’s a great snack or dessert for those looking to try something new!

Additionally, they're small enough that you can easily pack them into a mini tupperware container and bring them with you for easy snacking on the go!

See below for my notes on the results and for some helpful tips and tricks when making this yourself! Get Heroes’ Feast here: https://dnd.wizards.com/heroes-feast

Prep: 10 mins              Cook: 1h             Total: 1h 10 mins

Ingredients (makes 12 ish):

1 orange

6 ounces (1 cup) (170 g) dried apricots, coarsely chopped

¾ cup (70 g) unsweetened shredded coconut, toasted*

¾ tsp. (4 ml) pure vanilla extract

Kosher salt

* To toast the coconut: spread out the coconut in an even layer in a large, flat-bottom pan on medium-low heat. Stir frequently until almost all of the coconut has reached a toasty golden brown colour, about 8-10 mins.

Using a microplane, grate the orange peel to yield 1 ½ tsp. (8 g, about half the rind of a large navel orange) of finely grated zest. Squeeze the orange to yield 1 ½ tbsp. (15 ml) of juice.

In a full-size or mini food processor, combine the apricots, ½ cup (25 g) of the toasted coconut, the orange zest and juice, vanilla, and a tiny pinch of salt.

Process until the mixture is very finely chopped, uniform, and cohesive, pulsing and stopping to scrape down the sides of the work as necessary.

Put the remaining ½ cup coconut in a wide, shallow bowl.

Roll scant 1-tablespoon (~18 g) portions of the apricot mixture into 1-inch balls, gently pressing as you roll to help them cohere (you should have 15 or 16 balls).

Working with three or four balls at a time, roll them in the remaining coconut, pressing them gently to help the coconut adhere.

Place the balls on a plate and rest them (to firm up and dry out slightly) for 45 minutes.

The balls will keep, stored in an airtight container at room temperature, for about 3 days.

TIP: They will be incredibly sticky while forming them. I recommend pressing the mixture together with your fingers to create the shape of a ball and then gently rolling them between your fingers (not your palms!) to finish shaping them.

You may need to brush off any mixture clinging to your hands a couple times while rolling it into a ball because the remaining stickiness from your hands will cause formed balls to break.

NOTE: If rolling them in a deeper, smaller bowl like I was, you may only be able to work with one or two at a time.

Overall, I would give this recipe a 4/5. Although the taste is great and they make a fantastic sweet snack for anyone trying to avoid added sugar, I feel like the effort/dishes to yield is a little low. Definitely at least double the recipe if you plan on making these yourself.

BONUS picture that didn’t make the cover photo:

A lot of the substances we think of as protection against the supernatural (e.g. salt, silver, garlic) are actually antibacterial, and would have helped stave off infections and illnesses that people once attributed to supernatural influence.

Based on this, I want to see a story where vampires are repelled by hand sanitizer.

why do they always show cranberries in thos big pits n its implied its wet and possibly swimmable. do cranberries really grow like that. wh

Update (hey, the blog's not dead!)

Sorry for not posting anything for a while gang.

Got really unmotivated (for related and unrelated reasons, it's complicated) and then started A New Job which has grabbed a lot of my time.

In good news, I made my first ever roast chicken not too long ago! I'm hoping to have a shorter than normal post done for that soon-ish(tm).

It's not gonna be a step-by-step post like usual but I followed Binging With Babish's video/recipe which is really easy to follow, so I'll just include the link to that.

See y'all Soon(tm)! I've got some stuff I wanna reblog in the meantime so have fun with that

My culinary journey has been less one from “setting off the smoke detector” to “not setting off the smoke detector” and more one from “setting off the smoke detector by accident” to “setting off the smoke detector on purpose”.

I will miss you, Techno