Kiss

The Silence Within

Sometimes I have to force myself to smile, or speak when all I want to do is be expressionless and quiet.  My natural inclination is to take everything in and process it, while remaining stoic.  Sometimes it's painful to have expression.

Beautiful

My identity crisis

About once every two years, I go to Taiwan (I'm in Taipei right now) and feel like an outsider, but also, at home. I am Chinese American. Here, I look like everyone else. I'm not a minority. It's only when I open my mouth that the jig is up, because I'm American, and although my mandarin is good back in the states, but here, my mandarin is no better than a kindergartners, and that brings me a lot of shame and frustration. I want to be literate in this beautiful culture. Currently, I understand more Chinese than I can speak. The only mandarin I ever speak is to my parents, and their immediate friends, and they always praise my parents for making me speak mandarin at home. Back at home, in the states, people I don't know see me and sometimes speak to me slower because I'm Chinese, and I haven't spoken yet. They always have a look of surprise when I start speaking English. I feel very much like a minority there, but it's home and I understand. Don't get me started when I get a call from my parents, and I immediately speak in mandarin. They think I'm speaking in tongues or something. But I don't mind. It's a form of pride. I mean, I can speak 2 languages! Most people just know one. I grew up in a small town in Columbus Ohio. We moved there in the early 90s, from New Orleans and my family was one of the only Asian people there. It was hard. I felt so out of place and so alone. I hated all the questions of whether I ate dogs or cats (no), and why my eyes were slanted (I don't know). I was called a chink and my language mocked and made fun of. So much so that I hated being Chinese for a bit. But it's okay now. It gave me a thick skin and an understanding that some people are just ignorant to be ignorant and don't want to learn. It's not my problem. I'm sitting here at a cafe drinking my iced latte in this beautiful city. I have a lot of positivity in my heart right now, but I wish I could express it more eloquently in mandarin, but it's okay, because this is who I am. It took a long time to accept the things I cannot change, but I want to change the perspective. One day, I will write a poetry of love in mandarin, and it will be spectacular. I'm ABC and proud. I am American Born Chinese

If anyone is looking for a terrifying non-fiction book to read I recommend Voices From Chernobyl. Svetlana Alexievich is a journalist who interviewed more than 500 eyewitnesses, including firefighters, liquidators (members of the cleanup team), politicians, physicians, physicists, and ordinary citizens, over a period of 10 years. The book explores the experiences of individuals and how the disaster affected their lives. You will read things in here that will haunt you for day. (Here’s PDF version) (Last Book Suggestion)

To thine own self be true...

We are, every single one of us a different person. We are born and we acquire different looks, different body types, different skill sets, personalities, and we have to find out who we are and be true to ourselves, and don't waste energy trying to be like someone else. Figure out who you are. And really be happy with what you have.

New York City, 1975

Ima gardenist

8 vegetables that you can regrow again and again.

Scallions

You can regrow scallions by leaving an inch attached to the roots and place them in a small glass with a little water in a well-lit room.

Garlic

When garlic begins to sprout, you can put them in a glass with a little water and grow garlic sprouts. The sprouts have a mild flavor than garlic and can be added to salads, pasta and other dishes.

Bok Choy

Bok choy can be regrown by placing the root end in water in a well-lit area. In 1-2 weeks , you can transplant it to a pot with soil and grow a full new head.

Carrots

Put carrot tops in a dish with a little water. Set the dish in a well-lit room or a window sill.  You’ll have carrot tops to use in salads. 

Basil

Put clippings from basil with 3 to 4-inch stems in a glass of water and place it in direct sunlight. When the roots are about 2 inches long, plant them in pots to and in time it will grow a full basil plant.

Celery

Cut off the base of the celery and place it in a saucer or shallow bowl of warm water in the sun. Leaves will begin to thicken and grow in the middle of the base, then transfer the celery to soil. 

Romaine Lettuce

Put romaine lettuce stumps in a ½ inch of water. Re-water to keep water level at ½ inch. After a few days, roots and new leaves will appear and you can transplant it into soil.

Cilantro

The stems of cilantro will grown when placed in a glass of water. Once the roots are long enough, plant them in a pot in a well-lit room. You will have a full plant in a few months.

Porn stars...

I follow them on Instagram because I think they lead the most honest lives.

Hiccup

Okay, I have a life hack for you.

Last week, I got attacked by the most painful and persistent hiccups of my life at work. My co-worker heard me hiccuping and said, absently, “Got the hiccups?” and I said miserably, “Yeah.” And she said, “Prove it.”

And I glared at her, because why the fuck should I prove anything to her? And I waited for the next hiccup, which would prove that she was a dick and that I was, indeed, suffering from hiccups. And… that hiccup never came. And she smirked and said, “My daughter calls me whenever she has hiccups and when I ask her to prove it, she never can.”

And that was weird. But later that night, I got hiccups AGAIN, so I said to my boyfriend, “I HAVE HICCUPS.” and he said “Yeah, you do.” And I said, “No, ask me to prove it.” And he gave me a look like I was a crazy person, and I hiccuped again and insisted he ask me to prove it and he did and BAM. I couldn’t do it!

And a few days LATER, I got the hiccups WHILE DRIVING ALONE, and I said, out loud, “DUDE, I have the hiccups.” And then, in another voice, “PROVE IT.” And bam. Couldn’t do it.

The moral of the story? Apparently hiccups are little shits who refuse to perform on command. 

There you go. Hiccup cure. I can’t promise it’ll work for everyone, but so far, it’s worked for me like six times.

You’re welcome.

Bringing my halo to the party.