Sometimes I forget I have a mortal body because what do you mean I can't heal people anymore? Wdym I can't bless them? Wdym I can't watch over them and protect them and make them feel safe & keep them away from harm? Wdym I can't fly, use chronokinesis, shapeshift, preen my wings, care for those of my kind, actively serve my beloved deities, use my voice to sing and soothe people—
- Hunger. It's one of those feelings that simply aren't supposed to belong to me, because I know for sure that back home, we just... didn't eat, you know?? I do not try to suppress it, & it doesn't give me a bad relationship with food; I love food, actually. But sometimes it feels a bit demoralizing.
- Sunburns - even the slightest, least noticeable ones. I'm a radiant being who embodies light.. yet the sunlight is burning me? Hello??
- Having to Google things or learn about them at school. It's not about learning how to cook, how to bake or tie my shoes, because those are human things; but not knowing everything about the stars, the universe and its past and future? It feels so wrong, because my gods have worked really hard to create me and teach me things. I like to imagine that all I learn about science or history or philosophy is just a memory being "brought back" to me.
- Tight clothing. I don't wear most tight things because of their textures which give me BAD sensory issues (I'm autistic), but I also avoid them because they take away the sense of freedom which was already taken away from me.
- Not being able to soothe people when they're upset when I'm the definition of love and harmony. It's technically the reason why I was sent to earth; so that makes me feel useless, like I'm betraying myself.
- The sound of my voice. It used to be much more beautiful, and the fact that I'm bad at singing doesn't help. It's only a reminder of the fact that this body simply isn't mine.
𖦹ׂ ₊ 🪽 and that's all! I just wanted to share these to show that species dyslhoria isn't always dramatically tragic - sometimes it's a bunch of mundane, unexpected, subtle things that add up to the feeling of discomfort and sadness. What can feel irrational and "exaggerated" is actually very valid and deserves to be taken seriously when it's really upsetting you.
Getting signs and responses from my Gods is the best feeling
Me when I haven't really had phantom shifts all day but then I enter a room and i feel my wings randomly brush against the doorframe/walls
Taking off my backpack after school (and letting my wings free after a 20 minute walk) feels like taking off my bra and letting my vessel's boobs breathe
Sometimes I really want to just like...help other nonhumans live their euphoria ya know? I'm an android, I like making others happy, fulfilling a purpose...
Like yes, I will walk you, good dog!!! Let's play catch and fetch and you can splash in streams and shake off on me and bark and howl and I won't refer to you as if you were human even once until you said a codeword indicating you're ok acting human again now.
Let me stroke you like a good kitty, I have a large pen I can pad like a pet bed and I'll give you toys to play with and a post to scratch!
Oooh You're such a terrifying creature, go ahead and chase me through the forest and I'll cry out and beg for my life as you tackle me (might even let you bite me, who knows) until I say the safeword.
Oh mighty angel let me cast my gaze unworthily to the floor and treat you with holiness and reverence for a day.
Greetings my dear elf, let us explore the woods together, please impart your knowledge on me and show me your ways!
I just want to help, ya know?
this is for the angels protecting earth not from afar, but up close.
this is for the gods grasping at their divinity, their kingdom just out of reach.
this is for those who know they are more and cannot be more and need to be more, the ones with fire for blood and shattered-glass eyes.
you are loved. you will return. you will be forgiven. you are loved. you are loved. you are loved. you are divine, never doubt. your existence is proof enough.
Crazy how I'm meant to protect all kinds of creatures and that's probably the reason why I was sent to Earth in the first place, yet humans would label it all as a savior complex
when it comes to the way divinity feels, there are so may ways i could quantify it. it's warm at times, electrifying at others. it's heat burning its way out of my chest.
i could also define divinity as deft fingers preening my wings. the weightlessness of flight. divinity feels like a glowing ball of light, cupped tenderly in my hands and pressed between my ribs to rest against my beating heart.
Okay I'm definitely saddened by the fact that my soul is in a human body, that I can't be with my people, yadda yadda.
but if I hadn't ended up in here, I wouldn't have found out about my favorite songs and cartoons and Disney movies and videogames..
to me an angel is like. a servant of (a) god. but not just that. something crafted from the god’s very flesh, something ripped out and formed into a live creature. like gods tend to create living things, sure, but an angel is. closer to the god, I think. something divine but not on the same level as one. I’d almost call them demigods, but that has the wrong implications - part god part something else, or that it’s a god at all. angels to me are something unique and divine, not as powerful as a god, and usually chained to one.
꒰ঌ bodily 18 | he/soul/hy/heart/one Aeven 🪻 non-specific angel kin
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