„Silence Says A Lot More Than You Think“

She fucked up

There’s this girl. She just thought of your smile and the way your hand runs through your hair that has gotten way too long again.

And she cuddles up in bed and wishes you would be next to her, snoring, but unintentionally pullin her closer to your chest.

There’s this girl. She remembers every minute you two have spent together and she gets sad whenever you are gone for too long.

And she sits next to her friends who are making fun of her for falling for a guy that isn’t even her type.

There’s this girl. She thinks a lot about her Ex lately, but only because she’s afraid that you might turn out to be the same as him.

And she tells herself that she isn’t in love.

And she keeps repeating that she does not want to be in a relationship with you.

And she is writing about you, hoping it’ll clear her mind.

And she hates remembering every time your friends talk about the girls you’ve had, even since you two have been spending so much time together.

And she keeps telling herself that you two are not in a relationship.

And she acts like she doesn’t care.

And she is trying to look at other guys as well, but somehow it does not work for her the way it seems to do for you.

And she keeps a smile on her face.

And she keeps laughing.

And she keeps coming back to you.

Tere’s this girl. She’s sad, she’s hurting, she’s breaking. But out of habit, she keeps the canvas up.

Don’t keep hurting her. Don’t give her forehead kisses when you’re doing the same to any other girl you’ll meet on the weekends.

Don’t tell her how much she means to you when you’ll go out partying knowing she’ll be home alone waiting for your call that you’ve made it home safe.

Don’t keep hurting her. She does not deserve that. She deserves better. And if you know that there are guys out there that could make her happier than you because they’d make an effort and try, let her go.

Don’t keep that girl for yourself if you’re not planning to think about her smile whenever you need comfort.

There’s this girl. She’s typing this. She’s crying.

She fucked up.

I still peak out the window whenever a car stops in front of our house

Hoping it’s you,

Knowing it’s not.

I’m still learning to get over you,

Because life has more in store for me than waiting for your apology.

~ excerpts of me moving on ~

Silence.

5 weeks of total silence. Nothing but our friends telling me that you don’t want to see me, telling me about how you turned right around, the second you heard I’d come too and went back home.

I felt stupid. Uncomfortable, since you brought me there first and now I’m the one keeping you away from this place that was once ours.

Sad, angry, desperate for explanation. Why are you acting as if I was the one who messed up. I did nothing but show you love. Making you laugh in moments of sadness, sharing moments of true happiness, bringing you comfort after a busy day at work.

And damn did I try hard.

And damn did it hurt to fall back into reality, losing hold on cloud nine. Free fall. Hitting rock bottom.

Broken, but still looking after you from afar. Now watching her settle on the cloud that was ours, her making you smile.

I’m crying down here watching you two fly high, reaching cloud nine. But as long as I can see your smile, I’ll stay on the cold ground.

Ready to catch you, the moment you might fall.

Missing Home

And again

I am surprised

about how much

a person

can feel like home

even though

they once

made coming home

the worst part about your day

~ excerpts of me moving on ~

“I’m going to succeed because I’m crazy enough to think I can”

Finding beauty

I love the dark, but still

I’m the happiest when I feel the sun kissing my skin

I love warm weather, but still

there’s nothing compared to sitting on a sledge and rushing down a hill

I love my home, but still

breathing fresh air and hearing the birds chirping is what keeps me alive

I love being happy on my own, but still

I don’t want to go on this journey of happiness alone,

I want to share it with you

Life is full of “but still”s and there’s nothing wrong with that

As long as you can see the beauty in every single one of them

I wish I could fall in love with you

I’m a person that falls in love easily.

I’ve fallen for the boy on the bus that always saved me a seat in the morning. I’ve fallen for the guy that drove me around town on the back of his motor cycle. I’ve fallen for a boy who just kept texting me whenever he felt like it. It took me about 2 seconds to fall in love with my ex. The list seems endless.

I never really liked that about myself, I felt naive and vulnerable and everyone else seemed to notice it as well.

But now there’s this guy. He would save me a seat on every bus we’d ever get on, he drives me around whenever I ask him to and he keeps texting me, telling me that he just thought of me and wished I’d be with him right now. And god is he wholesome.

And god do I hate myself for not falling in love with him.

Karma will handle it for me

You keep switching between me and her.

You selfish prick.

Try thinking about others for once.

We’re humans as well and your behavior towards us is nothing but inhumane.

Go fuck yourself.

Hot as Fire - Cool as Ice

They are so different, yet I‘ve loved them both. One irascible like a wildfire, the other as calm as falling snowflakes. With one I felt like I could conquer the world, nothing would stop us and still I’ve fallen for a man with whom we would build up a peaceful new world ourselves. Arguments or silence, angry tears or sad ones? “I love you”, they both said but were showing it completely different. Soothing and sweet or loud yet effective? Rebellious or settled? Fire or Ice? Ice or Fire? I don’t see it.

They are so different, yet I’ve loved them both. But one I can say: neither of them loved me right.

And maybe you’ll never quite understand what you did to me

And maybe I’ll have to live with that

And maybe...just maybe,

That will be okay

~ excerpts of me moving on ~