Bah (and I Say This From The Bottom Of My Soul) Humbug

Giving Good Kiss in BL

From an acting perspective there’s a good YouTube video on how to kiss and show chemistry on screen plus analysis of some of Hollywood’s most famous kisses. 

But I’m interested in the watcher/critic perspective. So… 

Let’s smooch it out.

For the purposes of this discussion I am only going to talk about mouth kissing, (AKA sexual intent romantic partner kissing). I’m not going to delve into forehead kissing (worship, benediction, sacred love) or cheek kissing (familial, affection, filial love). 

I think a good kiss (from the viewers perspective) comes down to three things: 

emotional resonance (AKA emotional empathy - heart)

physical reactions (AKA sexual resonance - body)

sympathetic execution (AKA intellectual connection - mind)

In other words, the audience needs to feel that the characters  

like each emotionally 

desire each other physically 

are enjoying it (AKA understand each others needs intellectually)

We kinda wrap it all up under the umbrella term “chemistry." 

Some BL pairs only gets one or two of the three right. Sometimes only one half of the couple is good at any of it. Sometimes it’s a miss-match with one actor good at transmitting emotion and the other physical interest. Sometimes this miss-match is intentional because one character is imposing his will in a dominant fashion. in which case the chemistry of the kiss itself is intentionally askew. 

Chemistry involves mental, physical, and emotional comfort levels and transmitting them on screen. 

That’s why the Taiwanese workshopping techniques are so admirable, whatever they do really helps their actors give good all round chemistry. 

Taiwanese BL has its issues but on screen chemistry is NOT one of them. Almost all their pairings are really really good at all three elements. 

Types of Smooches 

So there are also different kinds of kisses: 

THE DEMANDING KISS (seme to uke, most common in BL) 

One character is clearly in charge, so there is a power imbalance (many viewers find the imbalance itself sexy). This is not necessarily an imbalance in desire (although it often is for the first kisses), but in character dominance/submission. Sometimes the kiss is talked about or permission is requested beforehand (DeanPharm in UWMA). 

THE MUTUAL KISS  

Both characters want to kiss at the same time, no one is in charge. Harder to execute as the actors have to telegraph unspoken communication usually with eye contact, mouth glances, and breath matching (Jeff & Gameplay in Ingredients did a great job at this type of kiss). 

A good mutual kiss generally only occurs when characters have a weak seme/uke dynamic and high emotional resonance. It’s awesome in slow burn and friends to lovers romances. Taiwan and Korea are particularly good at this kind of kiss. 

THE SUDDEN KISS 

One boy darts forward or pulls the other boy into a surprise kiss which can result in a range of responses from: 

a willing melt to 

a dead fish response (the first kiss in To My Star) to 

a push away and mouth wipe to 

a punch 

From an acting perspective this is the easiest kiss to execute. Sometimes it’s the seme who surprises the uke, but more often it’s the uke relenting that causes this kind of kiss. Both come strongly from a yaoi traditions. The shirt collar (or tie grab) and drag forward is particularly popular. 

THE LTR KISS (AKA long term relationship kissing) 

In this case kissing in general is clearly something done by the characters on the regular. These kinds of kisses reinforce a love and affection already in place, rather than most of the ones I’ve mentioned which are first/early/establishing kisses. 

Generally speaking, the acting pair has to be really comfortable with each other to make an LTR kiss work, or insanely good actors. It’s rare in BL because sexualized LTRs are rarely represented at all. TayNew are pretty good at this kind of kiss and also SamYu at the end of both seasons of WBL. 

THE DEAD FISH KISS

Annoyed fan short-hand for any kiss where the actors fail at all three aspects of chemistry. Sometimes it is entirely understandable (the actors are minors, there has been no workshopping, etc…) but it’s still no fun to watch. Classic examples are PhunNoh in Love Sick and TeeFuse in Make it Right. (MIR even makes a self referential joke about this in Make It Right on the Beach.) 

This is the kind of kiss where the actors clearly don’t know what to do and/or are uncomfortable with each other, which makes the audience uncomfortable. Usually, they just press firmly closed lips together and the camera pans out and around to the back of the head. Most of the time it’s not intentional. (Which means the actors are transmitting the wrong kind of emotion to the watcher.) Much as I adore Color Rush, it has this kind of kiss. 

Sometimes a dead fish kiss works with the story. The first kisses in To My Star showcase one side of the equation in dead fish mode intentionally. This means that the final kiss, which is very much mutual, has that much more resonance. It was a genius move on Korea’s part. 

THE NON-ROMANTIC EMOTIONAL KISS 

This is when a kiss is used to transmit some other form of emotion, usually the opposite from normal - desperation, loss, despair, sadness. The kiss is neither romantic nor sexual nor sympathetic. It intentionally contrasts the 3 elements that make up good chemistry by activating chemistry in an opposite direction, so that in the moment of the kiss the characters don’t like, desire, or enjoy each. However, the audience needs to feel that they could, or once had, the initial 3 criteria foundation. From an acting perspective this is very difficult to do. The stairwell reunion kiss in Brokeback Mountain is a good example of a non-romantic emotional kiss. 

This kind of kiss is almost never done in BL, or if it is, it’s not done well, because it requires an insane amount of trust between the acting pair and skill from the actor portraying aggressor to maintain audience sympathy. (The other kind of kiss that intentionally avoids the 3 core elements of chemistry is the kind that is a violent act of non-consent.) 

The best example of a non-romantic but super emotional kiss is THAT kiss in We Best Love: Fighting Mr. Second and it was (and still is) contentious because the treads the consent line. In my experience of BL so far, only Japan (His is another great example) and Taiwan have ever really used this kiss. 

THE HIGH HEAT KISS 

How to put this? Well, there’s usually tongue involved and it’s mostly emphasizing the physical aspect of a clearly sexual relationship - it’s hella gay. Very few Thai, Vietnamese, or Korean pairs do high heat kissing. Lots of early Chinese pre-censorship did and some of the darker stuff from Japan still does. Only Taiwan consistently puts this kind of kiss into their BL.  

Examples 

Why is BL so obsessed with MewGulf? Well the actors were consistently excellent at all 3 elements of a good kiss and gave high heat kisses. Because of them we genuinely believed that Tharn & Type: 

liked each emotionally

desired each other physically

and enjoyed it (AKA understood each others needs intellectually)

Individually both Mew and Gulf transmitted this to the audience, and together as a couple they also managed to do so. The short hand is… they had great chemistry. (Incidentally, Mew has good chemistry with other partners. He did high heat successfully in What the Duck too.) 

ZeeSaint were pretty good at all of it as well, but they excelled at elements 2 & 3 in particular. 

MaxTul in the later parts of the Together series and in Manner of Death were also excellent allrounders. 

The friends to lovers dynamic is particularly good at moving characters towards all three aspects, because 1 & 3 are already established, only the physical is required to shift the dynamic into a romantic relationship. Personally, I’m a fan of this dynamic pivot occurring because of a one night stand or drunken kiss expressly because it can be that tipping point and it makes the sexual encounter particularly charged (Second Chance and 2 Moons 2 both used this approach).  

Singto and Krist in SOTUS, on the other hand had 1. great emotional resonance but 2. poor physical reactions (especially Krist) and 3. weak execution. Their couple comes off as kind of ace as a result. 

The characters clearly liked each other but equally clearly the actors don’t wanna kiss each other, so when they do on screen they don’t seem to enjoy it, and they can’t seem to stop that from showing to viewers. 

Some pairs can be really good at transmitting elements 1 + 3 (which is emotional affection and intellectual couple connection) but not great at the physical/sexual component. 

This style of approach is becoming more and more common in Thai BL. And is legally mandated by censorship in modern Chinese BL (such as it is). 

The industry term for this kind of heat level is sweet romance. 

Which is to say, the physical aspect of the relationship is deemed less important than the other two (overtly, or simply through lack of representation). 

Watchers find this easy to forgive (and many prefer it) because we are trained to accept sweet romance in most romcoms and/or come from sexually repressed and prudish backgrounds. Or, ya know, are heterosexuals who think the gays kissing is “cute” but really don’t want to think about anything more than a kiss. 

(Yes there’s more going on here, but I’m not unpacking a history of queer cinema for ya, or the repressed machinations of your personal psyche, we’re just talking kisses here.) 

Do I think sweet romance is morally or ethically wrong? 

Nope. Not at all. Color Rush is one of my favorite BLs of all time, it has very poor chemistry and a dead fish kiss. Oxygen is the ultimate sweet romance and I love it even though the lead pair’s chemistry is all over the place. TharnType is one of the highest heat best chemistry BLs in existence and I can’t even begin to count the number is problems I have with it. 

Being critical of something does not mean you must forbid yourself from loving it. That too is a kind of chemistry. Understanding and accepting our own relationship with (and comfort taken from) these narratives is what I’m after. 

* A quick note from the production side. I don’t know how exactly this works in Asian production houses, but kisses can be expensive. Like literally. Often there are contract clauses indicating how many and how intimate they are, and with which other actors. Which is why we see main couples kiss but not side couples. Or the reverse, if side actors are particularly cheap, they might kiss more. 

The Damage Done By Uneven Chemistry 

But there is other stuff going on to with low heat BL, culturally and narratively. 

Diminishing the high heat aspects and the overtly gay physical connection of couple chemistry has tons of inadvertent messaging attached. Not just anti-sex. 

It makes the gay-for-you more obvious (the characters don’t really desire each other, they just love each other so much they’re willing to make an exception to their “natural” inclinations AKA it’s okay because it’s you) *sigh* 

It makes the characters seem less gay over all. Because heaven forfend they be actually gay and want to screw each other. 

When physical relations are required, they are shrouded in an aura of “I just can’t help myself, he’s too cute” desperation, which inevitably leads to drunken dubious or non-consensual situations. (Because if they actually wanted each other in a healthy way = too gay.)

It’s easier on the actors to lean towards bromance over gay. 

It encourages an international audience’s assumption that certain Asian countries are sexually repressed. 

It plays nice with a homophobic audience and censorship.

On a mercenary level, less sexiness = more acceptable time slots, age ratings, distribution, and reach. 

It’s so much the norm in Thai BL, that when high heat good chemistry does show up, audiences freak out and immature minds assume the actors must be in a relationship themselves because it couldn’t possibly be that they’re, ya know, ACTORS who are GOOD AT THEIR JOBS. 

My little queer arse is gonna take a few breaths and calm down now. 

But I do think game shows, interviews, and IRL skinship obsession is juvenile at best and stupidly damaging and hurtful to the talent at worse. It reminds me of those people who yell at actors in supermarkets because they play the baddie on a daytime soap opera. 

You do know how to separate reality and fiction, right? Oh wait, this is the internet. Probably not. 

Imma talk about Lovely Writer for a mo. 

Lovely Writer is consciously trying to correct for a TON of wrongs that sweet romance in BL, uneven chemistry, and Thai BL in general, has wrought over the years. Pretty much all those messages I listed above? Lovely Writer is attempting to rectify: 

Gene is explicitly not gay-for-you. 

It’s making it clear the couple wants to screw each other.

It’s putting consent front and center.

This is tough on both actors, but they are stepping up to the plate as much as possible. 

It’s actively battling ideas around Asians being sexually repressed, and it did this particularly well with the family coming out sequence.

It’s challenging homophobic audiences and censorship.

It’s risking good time slots, broad age ratings, distribution, and reach because of this. 

It’s directly pointing out the damage IRL skinship and fan stalker behavior can do to actors personally and professionally. 

Which is why shipping KaoUp is kinda stomach churning and pretty flipping disgusting. Do not comment, just unfollow if you disagree. I don’t want to hear justification for obsessive objectification; celebrity fetishization; demonized sexualization; public outing; touch shaming; or diminishment of a popular performer’s privacy, agency, or autonomy as a result of their job. 

In conclusion: 

WATCH & SUPPORT LOVELY WRITER!!!!! 

Best Kisses in BL? 

(Main couples only. Kisses only. This is not an assessment of the quality of the drama itself, or whether I personally enjoyed it.)

Cornered Mouse Dreams of Cheese (Japan) 

HIStory Obsessed (Taiwan)

HIStory 2 Crossing the Line (Taiwan)

HIStory 2 Right or Wrong (Taiwan) 

HIStory 3 Make Our Days Count (Taiwan - both couples)

HIStory 3 Trapped (Taiwan - both couples)

HIStory 4 Close to You (Taiwan - both couples) 

Ingredients (Thai)

Just Friends? (Korea)

Like In The Movies (Pinoy)

Long Time No See (Korea)

Lovely Writer (Thai) 

Manner of Death (Thai)

My Day (Pinoy)

Most Peaceful Place Is You (Vietnam)

Pornographer (Japan)

Second Chance (Thai - both couples) 

TharnType 1 & 2 (Thai)

To My Star (Korea)

Together with Me (Thai)

Until We Meet Again (Thai - all couples) 

Why R U? (Thai - both couples)

We Best Love 1 & 2 (Taiwan)

You Are Ma Boy (Vietnam)

I’m watching a few right now that might make this list in the future. 

Here’s me being silly about this: Chef de Smooching - Recipes for BL Iron Chef Thailand 

SIGNS’ BTS Compatibility

Aries:  Jin

Taurus:  Suga

Gemini:  Jimin

Cancer:  Jungkook

Leo:  Jin

Virgo:  V

Libra:  J Hope

Scorpio:  Suga

Sagittarius:  J Hope

Capricorn:  Rap Monster

Aquarius:  Jimin

Pisces:  V

‼️Please don’t skip taking a look 🍉🇵🇸

I am Fidaa from Gaza. I am 29 years old. I stand before you as a person trying to preserve his family. I am married and a mother of two children, Sila, who is two years old, and a child named Muhammad Amr, 2 months old. I gave birth to him during the war and in very harsh conditions that no human being can bear. I moved from the hospital directly to the tent, and I cannot describe the extent of the suffering and difficulty of living in the tent🇵🇸💔💔

We try to live under miserable conditions in tents in Mawasi Khan Yunis, south of Gaza. It is difficult for me to find the words to describe what we face every day in Gaza. No food, no medicine, no clean drinking water, oppression, helplessness, psychological pressures, doubts, and daily trauma due to the loss of loved ones. In Gaza, it's not just hunger, disease and fear; Rather, it means actual death.

We have been forced to move more than 7 times, and my house has been completely destroyed, and I cannot provide enough milk, diapers, medicines, and vitamins for my children.💔🍉🇵🇸😭

Now, I find myself in this difficult situation, and I strongly and humbly ask for your help to save the lives of my family, especially my children, by getting us out of Gaza. The situation in Gaza has become unbearable due to slow death as a result of hunger, thirst, displacement, the spread of diseases and continuous bombing.🍉🇵🇸💔

The past months have been full of hell and horror. This war has gone on for too long, and our mental health and lives are constantly at risk. We have reached a point where there is no hope anymore in Gaza, as if we are waiting for death. Even if a ceasefire is reached, the devastation in Gaza in all its forms cannot be quickly repaired

Please help me and my children to get us out of genocide🍉🇵🇸💔

Your help will contribute greatly to alleviating our suffering. I hope you will share my story with your family and friends.💔💔

I will be forever grateful for your kind assistance in this difficult time🇵🇸🇵🇸

Thank you for your kindness and generosity❤️.

Donation link 🇵🇸👇

https://gofund.me/94b9dfe0

https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-fidaa-and-her-children?

gofundme.com

Donate to Help Fidaa and her children, organized by Abby Stagner

I am Fidaa from Gaza. I am 29 years old. I stand before you as a person trying to preserve hi… Abby Stagner needs your support for Help Fida

My Favourite Kpop Releases of 2020:

Apple by GFRIEND

You don’t believe me? Okay, I’ll confess my love for you at the top of my lungs in my native tongue for the whole world to hear.

A loyal psychologist that needs to listen for once 😬

A loyal voice of reason who needs to find stability

Um Jimin and Yoongi? Precious. Libra and Pisces? The softest.

*note: I don’t romantically ship them or any other members. I just love their friendship!

december messages for the signs🎄

use your sun, moon, & rising✨

🔔 aries – things may feel unstable in your life right now, so try to remember that you and the ones you love are safe. focus on reconnecting with people who you may have lost your connection with, and most importantly reconnect with yourself. finding stability within yourself will enable you to feel secure in your external life. december will be a positive time for you and your family.

🔔 taurus – allow yourself to fully believe in the dream you have right now. you are allowed to follow your dreams, it is our right as divine beings on this earth, so do not allow any negative thought patterns to keep you in a self-defeating mindset. whatever you are trying to create right now is slowly taking form even if you do not see it yet, so keep working hard towards your goals and you will achieve them!

🔔 gemini – this is a good time for you to let go of the things that have been making you feel so tense. make time every day to take a few deep breaths and ground yourself back in the moment. the things that were worrying you have come to pass, and there is now space to nurture and grow something new. regroup, make a plan with a clear mind, and follow through with it.

🔔 cancer – remember that nothing is ever permanent because everything is changing in every moment. if there is something in your situation that you do not like or that is not serving you anymore, let it go with love and light. you have the ability to shape everything around you into exactly what you want it to be, so figure out what you want, be adaptable, and start making the changes you want to see happen.

🔔 leo – this is a good time for you to do some inner healing that you may have been ignoring or putting off. it hurts a lot less to deal with the pain for a few moments and then never have to experience it again than it does to live half a life because you are not present in the moment. now is a time for self-care and to look at all those little cuts in your heart, where they came from, and heal them instead of trying to keep bandaging the wounds.

🔔 virgo – go through this month looking at both sides to everything. having a balanced mind will lead you to a win-win outcome in every situation you are in. look at what you need to let go in order to regain your inner balance of peace. schedule some time to meditate and really focus on the things in your life that feel imbalanced so that you are equipped to make those changes when the time comes. balance the time you give to others with the time you give to yourself.  

🔔 libra – you might be feeling like your commitment to some situation is being tested right now. try not to take everything at face value, there is always more to a story than you are perceiving. look inside and question if you are truly committed to yourself. by committing to yourself you become completely confident in everything that you do because you have promised to yourself you will always do your best.  

🔔 scorpio – you have been anticipating and ending for a while and it is finally coming. you are going to be feeling excited and energized when it happens because it is leading you onto a new a more thrilling path. do not let this energy cause you to make rash decisions, just know that this is happening around you and embrace it. live as your inner child for a bit, your life deserves to be fun and creative.

🔔 sagittarius – you have had some plan on your mind for a while now, but you have not taken that leap of faith towards the unknown of actually living out that plan. now is the time to make a move! you are a creator and everything in life is within your control, so take a chance and allow the universe to fill in the gaps. everything you need is coming to you, the universe is waiting to bless you with abundance, but you must be the one to make the first move.

🔔 capricorn – the connections you are making this month will be balanced, fair, and understanding. there will be a mutual respect and understanding between you and the people you are building connections with this month. let go of what is blocking your heart, not only to be able to freely flow with love, but to be able to focus more on trusting your feelings than relying on your mind.

🔔 aquarius – try to look at everything from a place of love this month. there may be chaos all around you, but when you look at it with love and curiosity it can change the entire energy of a situation. do not underestimate your power to bring love to a seemingly hopeless situation. there is no going back after you have done or said something, so if you are acting out of love, those situations will always have a positive energy in your mind and in the mind of others.

🔔 pisces – whatever it is that you have been focused on is gaining momentum, so do not give up! you are surrounded by positivity and you are heading in the right direction. you are full off potential and energy, so this is a very empowering time for you to chase your dreams. keep moving forward and you will see success in everything you want to achieve.

⭐🎄⭐

if this reading resonated with you, comment your big 3! i love seeing how the energies are playing out in peoples lives! 😇

Poem for Leo

Golden hour can't even speak,

to the timelessness and radiance

of ruby and gold royalty,

home on the peak.

Ancient and primal,

generous but wrathful,

hunter and yet old-fashioned idol.

Of heart, blood, and claw.