The Tough Thing About Boundaries Is That It’s Not Enough To State Them, You Have To Enforce Them.

The tough thing about boundaries is that it’s not enough to state them, you have to enforce them.

I think some folks see “setting boundaries” as a kind of magic talisman to influence other people’s behavior. “I’ll tell you what I need or can’t accept, and you will act accordingly.” And sometimes that’s what happens, and that’s great! But if the other person disregards your stated boundaries, it doesn’t mean setting boundaries didn’t work.

Because boundaries aren’t about others’ behavior, they’re about your own. If the other person’s behavior doesn’t change, then yours has to. “Please don’t discuss [x topic] with me” is a request. “If you continue to talk about [x topic] then I will end this conversation/hang up/leave” is a boundary, which you must then enact. The point is less about stopping the other person (although that’s ideal) and more about protecting yourself. And you have to be committed to protecting yourself, because no one else will be.

You have to be so committed that you’re willing to tolerate other people being hurt or angry or uncomfortable. You have to accept that some relationships might change. You have to hold onto the idea that it’s all right for them to change, because the way they were before was hurting you, and you deserve to not be hurt. You gave them a choice: maintain a relationship or keep doing the thing that hurts you, and they chose to keep hurting you, so if the situation is now awkward or unpleasant that was because of their choice. Enforcing boundaries means deciding that if someone is going to feel bad here, it need not be always and only you.

There is no magic formula that will make other people treat you kindly and respectfully. But you can learn to treat yourself with kindness and respect. That’s what enforcing a boundary is.

More Posts from Honeybeehero800 and Others

2 years ago

lmaoooooo so a video popped up on my TikTok of a story time of some guy trying to buy his wife tampons and some woman going up to him thinking he was a trans man saying, “see? you’ll always be a woman!”

and he turned to the woman like “I’m buying tampons for my wife because I’m a good fucking husband. do you think if they were for me, I’d look this lost about where the brand is she wants?” he shut her up so fast lmfao. and she walked away looking pale and teary because transphobic people always have to play the victim.

(but also this is what I mean when I say transphobia can affect anyone and being transphobic literally takes over your mind. you cannot think critically at all about anything to do with gender or sex and anyone diverting from the image you have of how things are in your black and white world view is automatically The Enemy)

1 month ago

The absolute power move of Dropout changing their price (by a single dollar) for new and returning subscribers and not the folks already paying for the service???

And the fact that they made the announcement with enough time for people to subscribe at the current price before the increase takes affect if they wanted???

Sam you’re the only sorta rich boy I respect

6 months ago

It has been more than 20 years since BtVS. I think we've grown; we've matured; we have moved past the need for a bloody ship war... so can we please 🥺 do a little bit of a ship war but like... just for fun?

It Has Been More Than 20 Years Since BtVS. I Think We've Grown; We've Matured; We Have Moved Past The

So... (and involving both text, subtext, one-sided text, and some 'there simply being enough people who ship it to earn a spot'-text)...

(grab your stakes and scythes for this battle -> BUT ONLY THE STUFFED TOY KIND. Bonus points if they make clown noises when clashing against each other)

1 month ago

Why the hell was this deleted??? IT SHOULD HAVE NEVER BEEN DELETED AAAH. These two boys are so infatuated & head over heals for Dean. "Not my type" .... Crowley.... who are you trying to convince? "Maybe he's your boyfriend..." are we deflecting much Castiel?

6 months ago

lestat would pull a pete wentz and say "I'm sorry every song's about you" when he knew louis was in the crowd for his show

8 months ago

Shrinkflation

So, I found out a fun fact this last weekend!

Every state has a Department of Weights and Measures. One of their jobs is to make sure that companies are actually selling you the quantities they claim they're selling. For example, this is the department which tests gas pumps and makes sure they're really pumping out a gallon of gas when they charge you for a gallon of gas.

So....

If you happen to, just as an example, notice that your 1lb (16 ounce) box of San Giorgio spaghetti actually only has 10oz of noodles, and you weigh your other boxes of spaghetti to discover they run from 10 to 14 ounces but never the full pound they're supposed to have, and that's why you never seem to have enough pasta for leftovers the next day, then you can report that to the Department of Weights and Measures.

They will want to know where you bought the item, and then will investigate whether the store or the manufacturer is routinely shorting customers. If they do, they will issue a fine to the offending party, you will be eligible for a refund, and under some circumstances lawsuits may follow.

Now, I don't know the outcome of the complaint I just initiated, but they did not want to know specific receipts or times of purchase. Which is good for me as I didn't keep any of those things, at the time I just said "Wow, fuck San Giorgio" and switched brands. But this is still enough to get an inspector out.

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