They Should Invent Arguing With Stupid People On The Internet That's Good For Me And Not Bad For Me At

I'll never forget how in 2023-ish there was a post on Instagram about the difficulties Ukrainian refugees face in the UK and I commented with my own experience to support the sentiment, and in response a helpful™ person from the US told me to just move to the US, what did I expect when refugee-ing to the UK, the US would've been much better. And I might have been at least nice about my response had they not been extremely condescending, but they infuriated me so much that I said, "I would feel safer in Kyiv now than in the US any day".

Anyway this has been aging rapidly since I said it first and it horrifies me how true this rings today.

Move to Ukraine, at least we have affordable healthcare!

UPD from the field:

The ad says: "Will you dare to try it?"

Yes. Yes I will. At least two of these.

(It should be noted that tomato juice, spiced or otherwise, is a completely normal occurrence in Ukraine, even though opinions vary on whether people who enjoy it stray farther and farther from God with every sip) (I am those people. I enjoy tomato juice)

Okay so yesterday I saw someone mention that during the two months that I was away they started selling lime and chili flavoured yoghurt back in Ukraine. I repeat, LIME AND CHILI.

Obviously I had to task my boyfriend with acquiring it so that I can try it the moment I step off the train at the end of the month. Also, obviously, I googled it. Here's what I saw:

Okay, sure. Some choices have been made with the colours (I find the purple atrocious but I'm not good with colours so who knows). But wait, the "flamin' hot" banner reminds me of something. Haven't I seen it before?

Yep. I looked it up - Чудо and Doritos are both owned by PepsiCo, and PepsiCo straight up recycled the Flamin' Hot banner.

I really, really don't know what to make of this.

Also as I type this I realised that they also recycled the fucking horrible purple colour. This is torture.

At the end of the month I'm trying the Doritos-flavoured yoghurt, apparently. Watch this space for a review.

As an Enlightened Centrist, I don’t believe William Shakespeare wrote Shakespeare, nor was it Bacon or Hamm or whoever else.

The true author of Shakespeare was another guy who coincidentally was also born in Stratford-upon-Avon and who was, by a curious twist of fate, also named William Shakespeare.

Sources: Gut, My. Something is Terribly Wrong, vol 136, 2025.

Tumblr seems fond of the Ukrainian "living is hard, dying would be a pity", so here's another part of Ukrainian vernacular that you guys might also like. This one is new and developed in 2022.

I would like to introduce it to you in the following context: it was August 2022, I returned to Ukraine for the first time since evacuating in March and was going through baby's first in a while air raid (in Odesa). I texted my best friend, who never left Kyiv, saying that I'm scared to go to sleep in case I wake up having died of a missile or whatever. She put on her very best Yoda face and bestowed upon me the following:

"1. Їбане так їбане." (Yibane tak yibane).

Now, this is extremely hard to explain, but I will try, to the best of my ability.

So, the basic meaning of it is: "If it strikes, it strikes". However, the verb for "strike" here is derived from the profane root word which basically means "to fuck". So a closer stylistic choice would be, "If it fucks you up, it fucks you up", or "If your ass gets struck, your ass gets struck". This is usually spoken before the person decides to ignore the air raid, set aside the feeling of impending doom and go to sleep.

That wasn't the end:

"2. І взагалі навряд чи їбане. (But in general it probably won't.)

3. Але якщо їбане - так їбане. (But if it strikes, then it strikes)."

That night I slept like a baby and didn't, in fact, wake up dead.

So if you are currently dealing with the impending doom around horrors you have no control over, take the wisdom of Ukrainians who have been grappling with horrors beyond comprehension for over three years now (some longer):

Їбане так їбане.

І взагалі навряд чи їбане.

Go to sleep.

Okay so this post breached containment I think so I feel the need to clarify, because the vibes in the notes seem to suggest that people see this as an inspirational quote bestowed onto someone to help them soldier on. That's not how Ukrainians do it. Rather, imagine a person that looks like they haven't slept in three days and also hiked up a mountain. They are asked "Hey how you doing buddy", and in response they let out the deepest, most done with this shit sigh you can imagine, mutter their favourite curse word and THEN they say the phrase (which, by the way, is four words in Ukrainian - тяжко жити, шкода вмерти/tyazhko zhyty, shkoda vmerty). It's said as if they're trying to convince themselves that dying would, indeed, he a pity. The other person looks at them, their eyes full of understanding, sighs also and then says "well at least we're not russians".

And THAT is what helps a Ukrainian soldier on.

One of the biggest issues of moving to England as a person who is Ukrainian AND neurodivergent is not knowing how to answer the small talk question of "how are you", but today I was reminded that Ukrainian blessed me with the phrase that roughly translates as "living is hard but dying would be a pity" and can we please naturalise it so I can use it all day every day

Tumblr proceeded to collectively inform me that tomato juice is a thing absolutely everywhere. My question now is how the fuck did I manage to live in the UK for three years and not see tomato juice in a single Tesco/Sainsbury's. Ukrainian exceptionalism goggles or whatever

I mentioned tomato juice in my last post, so here's a tomato juice story for your amusement.

Scene: London, UK.

Time: late 2024.

Dramatis personae:

Me, a Ukrainian, craving tomato juice like it's the only thing that can save my life.

My beloved flatmate, also a Ukrainian, going through a chronic illness flare that causes horrible brain fog.

Flatmate: I'm going to the Polish shop. Do you want anything?

Me: I do have a request, but I feel like you'll refuse to have THAT in our fridge.

Flatmate: ???

Me: Tomato juice. I'm craving tomato juice. I want tomato juice SO BAD.

Flatmate: ...only because I love you.

An hour later, my beloved flatmate enters the kitchen with a bag full of Polish groceries. I salivate at the thought of my tomato juice and run up to them.

Flatmate: Okay so I was picking between spicy and not spicy, and decided that you would want it not spicy. Here.

They proceed to hand me the following:

Me: I mean, I'll give you that, it's not spicy.

Flatmate considers terminating the lease on the spot.

Exeunt.

Followed a Wikipedia source in hopes of finding something useful for my essay about Kafka's Metamorphosis and stumbled upon something much better

Thank you person in the tags for doing what I couldn't, my linguistic prowess only goes so far.

Tumblr seems fond of the Ukrainian "living is hard, dying would be a pity", so here's another part of Ukrainian vernacular that you guys might also like. This one is new and developed in 2022.

I would like to introduce it to you in the following context: it was August 2022, I returned to Ukraine for the first time since evacuating in March and was going through baby's first in a while air raid (in Odesa). I texted my best friend, who never left Kyiv, saying that I'm scared to go to sleep in case I wake up having died of a missile or whatever. She put on her very best Yoda face and bestowed upon me the following:

"1. Їбане так їбане." (Yibane tak yibane).

Now, this is extremely hard to explain, but I will try, to the best of my ability.

So, the basic meaning of it is: "If it strikes, it strikes". However, the verb for "strike" here is derived from the profane root word which basically means "to fuck". So a closer stylistic choice would be, "If it fucks you up, it fucks you up", or "If your ass gets struck, your ass gets struck". This is usually spoken before the person decides to ignore the air raid, set aside the feeling of impending doom and go to sleep.

That wasn't the end:

"2. І взагалі навряд чи їбане. (But in general it probably won't.)

3. Але якщо їбане - так їбане. (But if it strikes, then it strikes)."

That night I slept like a baby and didn't, in fact, wake up dead.

So if you are currently dealing with the impending doom around horrors you have no control over, take the wisdom of Ukrainians who have been grappling with horrors beyond comprehension for over three years now (some longer):

Їбане так їбане.

І взагалі навряд чи їбане.

Go to sleep.