Hornlessdemon - Mayito

sliding scale of posts about Jesus being a carpenter who was nailed to a cross

Mantengo muy cerca de mi corazón la idea de que el fic esta pensado más sobre Bodoque, pero Juanin es el que se lleva buena parte del protagonismo porque

1) esta historia también es sobre él.

2) escencialmente, aunque Bodoque inicie el fanfic "ya enamorado" de Juanin, la realidad es que esta enamorado de una versión idealizada de él; enfatizo mucho que no se conocen por que es la verdad, no se conocen a fondo, y aunque el fic diga que es el recuento de intentos de "Bodoque para enamorar a Juanin", la realidad es que también es su camino para enamorarse completa -y sanamente- de la pelusita.

Creo que la manera correcta de describir lo que Juan Carlos siente es una especie de atracción y encaprichamiento muy cabrón. Muy dentro de él, siente que como es amigo de Juanin y este lo admira, salir con él sería relativamente fácil. Lo menosprecia un poco BASTANTE, casi al punto de verlo por debajo de él, como alguien "fácil de ganar", y cuando Juanin de hecho pone resistencia, se sorprende.

Bodoque sabe que Juanin no es solo un ingenuo, pero de inicio no agarra completamente la idea y hasta más entrado en el fic, se siente con el derecho de opinar y querer cambiar como es que Juanin opera. De entre todos los personajes -excluyendo quizás también a Tulio- Juan Carlos sabe (y creo que lo narra en una parte) que el hecho de que Juanin sea bueno con todos ellos todo el tiempo no es que sea blando, es que activamente lo intenta por que asi es él, y aún asi llegados a cierto punto trata de decirle que por que no "agarra mas personalidad" y trata a la gente como lo merecen.

Cosas del estilo que si Juanin hubiera aceptado salir de primeras habrían chocado, pero que eventualmente Juan Carlos se da cuenta que son parte de la versión más real de Juanin, y ahora si esta genuina, absoluta, perdidamente enamorado de él.

Y esa es creo yo que la peor parte. Bodoque NUNCA se había enamorado tanto de otra persona por que, al menos desde su lado, ls relación era más superficial; les quería y le interesaban, si, pero tampoco hasta el punto de literalmente conocerlos toda la vida y lentamente aprenderlos a amar, detalle a detalle.

¿Por qué es la peor parte?PUES PORNQUE ES UN ESTUPIDO HHHHHH ya aquí el problema no es como es románticamente, socialmente para con Juanin, es que ya derechamente es un imbecil en su vida privada y, por lo mismo de que nunca ha tenido una relación tan apegada y personal con otra persona SIGUE sin saber como aceptar ayuda, o... poner los intereses ajenos sobre los suyos aunque esos intereses sean literalmente AYUDARLO.

No se, lo odio, por qué estoy haciendo un fic sobre él?

*give Leshy a stick* Go poke Kallamar

Is this the Cain instinct?

Let’s talk about the greatest father and son dynamic in the show that is Thunder-bandit and Spider-cat. Here’s a brief recap of Gary and Lil Cato’s journey of their relationship.

Gary promised Avocato that they would find and rescue his son, and once they finally did, he made one last promise to his best friend: to look after him.

It was rocky at first. Gary and Lil Cato were grieving over the loss of a loved one. Being the young, rebellious teenager he was, Lil Cato avoided everyone while dealing with his grief. And Gary, who grew up without any parents, had no confidence in fulfilling the role of parent.

What’s most important, though, is that he tried his best, and him simply trying was all it took.

When Gary asked Lil Cato what he could do to cheer him up, he took up the request of killing the Lord Commander to avenge Avocato. To Lil Cato’s surprise, he didn’t expect an adult to allow him to do something so dangerous and reckless. This establishes respect in their relationship. Gary manages to reach out to Lil Cato because he doesn’t treat him like kid like any normal adult would do. A responsible adult would try to give him advice that he’s being emotional and not thinking straight, or “let the adults handle this.” Nah, instead Gary forms a murdering team with him. Gary has never, not once, belittled Lil Cato because of his age. Instead, he listens to and supports Little Cato on equal level.

In the end of that same episode, Lil Cato cries, admitting that he feels alone. Gary assures him that he’s not alone. “We’ll get through it together as a team. As a squad. As a team-squad.” When Gary’s prison sentence was complete, he had no idea what to do. This is where Gary finds his new purpose in life, which is being Lil Cato’s care-taker. At his lowest, Lil Cato also found something in life: a new family and place to call home.

Soon after, the crew enters Bolo’s mind to find the answer to closing the breach in space. Gary travels back in time to get the answer from his dad, who soon dies right before Gary again. Here, they establish empathy. Lil Cato sees a reflection of himself in Gary, understanding that they share the same pain.

In the final showdown between the crew and the Lord Commander’s fleet, Lil Cato volunteers to handle a dangerous task to cover Quinn, but she argues that it’s not something a child should do. Gary, in the other hand, trusts Lil Cato. Putting the life of the woman he loves and the fate of his planet in the paws of this young Ventrexian takes a lot of faith, and Gary does not think twice.

Throughout season two, we see more interactions and bonding between Gary and Lil Cato as those two grow closer. They establish nicknames, have handshakes, good off, and even think alike. I won’t get into too much detail about their subtle parallels, but I mention this one scene in S2E2. When Gary was feeling down about losing the Earth, Lil Cato repeated the same words Gary told him when he was at his lowest. “We’ll get through it together as a team.” Gary has influenced Lil Cato and made huge impacts in his life in so many ways, and Lil Cato brings out the best of Gary. Gary doesn’t just rub off his personality on Lil Cato, but also his optimism. Imagine where Lil Cato would be if Gary was never around from the beginning.

Now, after the events of S2E9 and hints of the next episode, it all comes down to loyalty and how far that loyalty will go.

(Spoiler alert for S2E8&9)

I’m not gonna day too much into the matter about how Avocato got possessed by Invictus and shot Gary, and then Lil Cato has to choose between protecting Gary or sparing his father. Enough has already been said this past week. I mean, he barely had a choice. Evil Avocato was going to kill both of them. He had to be stopped. Like, seriously. It was so emotionally messed up. However, in the next episode, Lil Cato leaves the Crimson Light Crew for what appears to be a bounty hunting gang. I’m very curious to see what he’s up to. What was his reason for leaving? Will he end up fighting Gary? Will he return to his real family or stay away for good?

#me identifique #me ataque #estoy en este post y no me gusta

Represention of Autistic Frustration in Laios Dungeon Meshi

Like many other autistic people, I related strongly to Laios Touden while reading Dungeon Meshi. This post isn't going to spend time disputing whether he displays autistic traits or not—while I could do that, I want to focus on why specifically his portrayal struck a chord with me in a way the writing of most other autistic-coded characters has not.

Disclaimer: as the above suggests, this post is strongly informed by my own experiences as an autistic person, as well as the experiences of my neurodivergent friends with whom I have spoken about this subject. I want to clarify that in no way am I asserting my personal experience to be some Universal Autistic Experience. This post is about why Laios' character feels distinct and significant to me in regard to autistic representation, and while I'm at it, I do feel that I have interesting things to say about autistic representation in media generally. This also got a bit long, so I'm sticking it under a read more. Spoilers for up to the end of chapter 88 below.

The thing that stands out most to me in regard to Laios' characterisation is the open anger he displays when someone points out his inability to read other people. This comes up prominently in his interactions with "Shuro" (Toshiro Nakamoto):

The frustration pictured above (Laios continuing to physically tussle with Toshiro, using crude language toward him) becomes even more notable when you remember that this is Laios, who, outside of these interactions, is not easily fazed and often exists as a lighthearted contrast to the rest of the cast. Then we get to Laios' nightmare.

In Falin's words: "Nightmares love emotional wounds. Wounds you hold in your heart. Things that give you stress, or things that were traumatic for you. They aggravate memories like that and cause the dreamer to have terrible dreams." (chapter 42, page 10.) (damn. i'm properly citing for this post and everything.)

Thus, Laios' nightmare establishes an important fact: even if he is unable to recognise social blunders while he's making them, he's at least subconsciously aware that other people operate on a different wavelength to him, and that he's an outsider in many of his social circles (both past and present). His dream-father's disparaging words stress the impact this has had upon his ability to live up to the expectations set out for him, and we also get a panel of kids who smirk at him (presumably former bullies to some degree). Toshiro's appearance only hammers home how much Laios is still both humiliated and angered by his misunderstanding of their relationship.

I've thought a lot about anger as concomitant to the autistic experience. When autistic representation portrays ostracization, it's generally from an angle of the autistic character being upset at how conforming to neurotypical norms doesn't come easily to them; as a result, they express a desire to 'get better' at meeting neurotypical standards, a desire to become more 'normal' (whether the writing implies this is a good thing or not). In contrast, not once does Laios go, "I need to perform better in my social interactions, and try to care less about monsters, because that's what other people find weird." His frustration is directed outward rather than inward, and as a result, it's the people around him who are framed as nonsensical.

The Winged Lion starts delineating Laios' anger, and Laios' reaction is to think to himself, "It can sense all my thoughts, huh?" (chapter 88, page 16.) This is the scene that really resonated with me. I'm not saying I have never felt the desire to conform to neurotypical norms that is borne from insecurity, but primarily, I know that I don't want to work toward becoming 'normal'—I don't want to change myself for people who follow rules I find nonsensical. It's the difference between, "Oh god, why can't I get it," and, "WHY CAN'T YOU GET IT?" (phrasing here courtesy of my friend Miles @dogwoodbite). And for me personally, Dungeon Meshi is the first time I've seen this frustration and the resultant voluntary isolation from other people portrayed in media so candidly. Laios' anger is not downplayed or written to be easily palatable, either.

The culmination of Laios' frustrations in this scene wherein we learn that Laios has fantasised about "a pack of monsters attacking a village" drives home just how alienated he really feels. I need not go into his wish to become a monster himself, redolent of how many autistic people identify/have identified with non-humans to some degree as a result of a percieved disconnect from society (when I was younger, I wanted to be a robot. I still kind of do.)

Obviously, wishing death upon other people is a weighty thing, but the unfiltered nature of this page is what deeply resonated with me. The Winged Lion is laying Laios' deepest and most transgressive desires bare, and they are desires that are a product of lifelong ostracization by others (whether intentional or unintentional). This is the brand of anger I'm familiar with, and that my neurodivergent friends express being familiar with, but that I haven't seen portrayed in writing so explicitly before—in fact, it surprised me because most well-meaning autistic representation I've experienced veers toward infantilisation in trying make the autistic character's struggles easy for neurotypicals to sympathise with.

Let's also not neglect the symbolism inherent to Laios' daydream. "A pack of monsters attacking a village". Functionally, monsters are Laios' special interest—he percieves everything first and foremost through his passion for monsters. His daydream of monsters attacking—killing—humans, is fundamentally a daydream of the world he understands (monsters) overthrowing the world that is so illogical to him, that has repeatedly shunned him (other people). I joked to my friends that it's an autistic power fantasy, and it actually sort of is. And in it, his identity is aligned with that of the monsters, while his anger manifests in a palpable dissociation from the rest of humanity. This is one manga page. It's brief. It's also very, very raw to me. I think about it often.

To conclude, I love Laios Dungeon Meshi. This portrayal of open frustration in an autistic character meant a lot to me, and I hope I've sufficiently outlined why. Also, feel free to recommend media with autistic representation in the notes if you've read this far—I would really like to see if there is more of this nature. Thank you for reading. I'm very tired and should probably sleep now.

reread all saints street yesterday. its good

THE MUSIC

THE ATMOSPHERE

THE CARD GAMES ANALOGIES

Whole-heartedly BEGGING writers to unlearn everything schools taught you about how long a paragraph is. If theres a new subject, INCLUDING ACTIONS, theres a new paragraph. A paragraph can be a single word too btw stop making things unreadable

Anytime i see a bunch of pride flags i have to restrain myself from saying "where mexico" bc i doubt anyone will know I'm referencing this

This doesn't have to be a public reply but I saw your Instagram story (BE SAAAAAFE :'D) and was curious what it is you write on?

Pardon if you've stated this before and I missed it. But the black and orange/red font caught my eye.

I use Calmly Writer! It has a desktop version, and a free online browser version.

It has a lot of settings to customize, and the browser version is free (I bought the desktop version several years ago, in 2017 I think though)

Here are my settings:

Zen Writer is also a very good writing program. You can play background music during it and also choose your own background and stuff

Calmly Writer and Zen Writer are both focus based writing applications with a little extra relaxation factor thrown in there so it's easier for me to use. I'm not an ad btw I just legit swear by these programs. I've been using them since writing Fnaf stuff in middle school, and I swear by them lmao