I Hate That I’m So Absent As A Person. I Don’t Start Conversations. I Can Barely Maintain Them. I’m

“I lost interest in everything, you know? All the things I used to love doing, I haven’t done them in months. Major pieces of me are missing and no one even sees that I’m fading away.”

— (via depression-stays-but-you-dont)

“it scares me to think about how i’m only alive because i don’t want to hurt the people i love”

— that’s the only reason (via depresseddisneyprincess)

No, you don’t understand. People with BPD notice everything. We notice when you don’t smile as wide at us one morning. We notice when you don’t hug as tight. When you don’t sound quite as happy when speaking to us. When you look the slightest bit uninterested in what we’re saying.

And when you talk to someone else. When you talk to someone else and look like you’re enjoying yourself, we assume that you’d rather be with them all of the time. So we leave before you can confirm or deny that.

And if you start telling us about a fun time you had with someone else it will not end well. We might be too shy to speak up about it, but it’ll still eat away at us. We’ll feel abandoned. 

And “You should have been there!” is the absolute worst thing to say. We know we should have been there. We want to have been there. We know you had fun and we’re happy that you did, but the sadness of feeling abandoned completely obliterates that. So don’t rub it in.

Instead, say, “Yeah, we had fun, but I’m glad I’m here now” or, “… that you’re here now”. It really makes us feel loved and appreciated. 

I know this barely scratches the surface of what we feel on a daily basis, but I hope this can help those who don’t know.

Thank you for coming to my TedTalk.

“I’ve written more suicide notes in my life than i’ve written essays in school.”

— @planeblackstars

“last weekend, i cried. alone, and in the dark i cried. with one hand holding my stomach, and another covering my mouth, i cried. i cried for who i used to be, for who i am now, and for who i hope to be. i cried for the hundreds of scars decorating my body, and for the urges so unbearable and relentless that i thought i wouldn’t make it. i cried for all the sleep i lost trying to destroy myself, and for the weight i dropped trying to achieve the impossible”

— i cried for me

“one of the biggest lies i’ve ever told myself is ‘i don’t care’. i’ve always thought if i start caring about other people, i’ll become weaker, more vulnerable. so, instead, i convince my naïve self that i don’t care. i self sabotage myself into believing people can leave me and i won’t give two flying fucks. but i do care. i deeply care.”

—

i hate when people misunderstand my shyness for unfriendliness like no!!! i actually like you! i’m just a piece of shit that can’t communicate