“I Woke Up In The Morning And I Didn’t Want Anything, Didn’t Do Anything, Couldn’t Do It Anyway,

Lost

I feel so fucking lost, out of place, as if i do not belong.. i want to run away.

I have always, without a doubt, been a strange girl. Noticeable uncomfortable in my own skin, a constant desire to shrink and shift into somebody, something, anything else. Disappearing being the unattainable goal and going unnoticed the runner up prize. Never the life and soul of the party, never invited to the party, never the best friend more so the acquaintance.

Every ounce of kindness I have ever been shown by anybody, I grasp into with both hands and hope so desperately for it not to slip from between my fingers. It never lasts and it never turns out the way I would of hoped.

Every single relationship I have formed with anybody, has been ruined or tainted in a way, through nobodies fault but my own. I am a wrecking ball and I can’t help but destroy and break and ruin. I am alone, so alone and so painfully lonely. Hurting myself doesn’t suffice and thoughts of throwing it all away are a constant.

After all, what’s the point in it anyway?

DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME

“For herself she was humbled, but she was proud of him. Proud that in a cause of compassion and honour, he had been able to get the better of himself.”

— Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice (via antigonick)

I’m Sorry

On nights you lay beside me Can you hear two hearts? One that loves you fully, The other breaking in the dark.

You put your arms around me, I feel the warmth of your soul. Even that cannot give safety To a body that has gone cold.

Honey spills from your sweet mouth I can never get enough If words could save my every doubt, I only need you with me, love.

The heat of your slow, deep breaths The taste of your lips on mine Although I’ve died a hundred slow, deep deaths, I’ve loved you a thousand times.

Each time you take my hand in yours, The times I took a blade in mine, You remind me why I am here for, I love you in this lonely life.

I’m sorry if it hurts to stay, I’m sorry that I feel this way, I’m sorry for the blood and pain, I’m sorry because sorry is all I can ever say.

Why are you still beside me? All I have is a damaged heart. “I love you and I love you fully, I will be with you in the dark.”

The worst feeling

Anger.

There is anger in me

One that never ceases, never stops

It hides under the surface

Curling under my skin

Like a snake in its lair

It has chosen me

I’m the host.

My parasite, my fire,

Ready to rage when my strength wilts

Ready at any moment to pounce

When I let down

My defences.

And I’m tired.

I want to give in

But if I give in, it will consume

The earth.