Lost

“No matter how hard I try I will always be left out, will never be as important as them, will always be forgotten and the only reason someone calls is because they might need something from me. I feel unwanted and worthless. They make me feel unwanted and worthless. But they’re all I have…”

— (via suicidalnixi)

The first lie

She would brush out my hair

and tug hard at the knots

When I cried

she would look me straight in the eyes

exasperated

she’d say

It doesn’t hurt.

Loss

I lost someone who was very dear to me. And I should feel sad and grief, but I just don’t.

Is there something wrong with me?

Maybe it’s because I feel this constant sadness all the time, day after day, so it wouldn’t make any difference.

I can’t even cry over it. If I wouldn’t know it any better, I’d say I don’t care. But I really do. It’s just not affecting me emotionally for some reason.

I am bummed out. But I don’t feel this big emotion called Loss.

Or maybe I am just not realizing it right now.

I’m on probation but too mentally Fukt to even consider staying completely sober so I think I might’ve failed my last drug test n my PO isn’t responding to my email so. Idk I’m kinda planning on killing myself as soon as things start going south lol

hey love,

noooo love. killing yourself won’t solve anything, i know it seems like a nice exit sign, but please don’t follow it. okay so once i wanted to kill myself and the person i confided in told me something that had me a little shook; she told me  “is that what you really want people to think of you? people who said you were fucked up, crazy, you want to just be an other story they’ll get to share about how odd you were and then you killed yourself? prove them wrong, prove every single one of these assholes wrong”

and yep. it’s still one of the reasons why i’m here. prove them wrong. get your act together, sober, and try to be better. i believe you can, i know it’s not easy, but i have faith in you my love. you can get through this. take it one day at the time

xx

When you don’t want to do something, like you don’t want to go out or don’t want to research colleges or apply for another job, people tend to think you’re just lazy. They just don’t realize that it’s your anxiety speaking and that it’s driving you crazy.

“I crave touch, yet I flinch every time someone is close enough.”

— Unknown (via sheholdsyoucaptivated)

it bothers me so much that people think they can speak about Muslim faith and how Muslims approach their faith and practice of their own religion from people who either don’t know anything about it or know so little that they put every Muslim in the same bag. There are almost 2 billion of us and you think you can speak for all of us and tell us how to practice our own faith??? We’re all so different and we come from so many different backgrounds. You have no right to speak for us or tell us how to be Muslim.

There are Muslims who spend hours praying every day. There are Muslims who barely have the time to pray 5 times a day. There are Muslims who don’t pray. There gay Muslims. There bi Mulsims. There are pan Muslims. There are trans Mulsims. Muslims who are depressed. Muslims who don’t always find solace in their faith. Muslims who doubt every day but still wake up at 3 A.M for fajr. There are Muslims whose happiness lays in reading the Quran every day. There are Muslims who can’t read the Quran. There are Muslims who fast regularly. There are Muslims who don’t fast even during Ramadan. There are people who wear the hijab and people who don’t. There people who choose to have a beard and Muslims who don’t… I could go on forever.

For every Muslim there is a whole story and our religion is not the only thing about us. Whether it matters or not to us, our religion and our practice of it is not yours to dissect and comment upon. And for the Muslim people who do judge their brothers and sisters for these things, it is good to remember that only Allah can judge us and if you try to, it’s considered the highest sin: shirk.

Whatever I do, it’s between me and Allah and no one has the right to lift an eyebrow. Islam is supposed to be a private matter and just because you think you can spot us in a crowd doesn’t mean you get to publicly dismiss us especially if it’s for things you don’t actually know.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* reblog or like if you ever felt like this*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

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“My only relief is to sleep. When I’m sleeping, I’m not sad, I’m not angry, I’m not lonely, I’m nothing.”

— Jillian Medoff,  Hunger Point.