“No Matter How Hard I Try I Will Always Be Left Out, Will Never Be As Important As Them, Will Always

Loss

I lost someone who was very dear to me. And I should feel sad and grief, but I just don’t.

Is there something wrong with me?

Maybe it’s because I feel this constant sadness all the time, day after day, so it wouldn’t make any difference.

I can’t even cry over it. If I wouldn’t know it any better, I’d say I don’t care. But I really do. It’s just not affecting me emotionally for some reason.

I am bummed out. But I don’t feel this big emotion called Loss.

Or maybe I am just not realizing it right now.

“I am unable to describe exactly what is the matter with me, now and then there are horrible fits of anxiety, apparently without cause, or otherwise a feeling of emptiness and fatigue in the head.”

— Vincent van Gogh, in a letter to his sister, Wil. (via apocryphalstories)

“Doesn’t it scare you that you’ve wasted more than half of your life hating yourself? It should.”

— Michelle K. (via quotemadness)

I hate how addicted I get to anything that makes me feel anything

Depression does not always mean

Beautiful girls with visible scars on their wrists. Depression does not always mean having a bad day at work.

Sometimes depression means not getting out of bed for three days in a row because your feet refuse to believe that they will not shatter upon impact on the floor.

Sometimes depression means that summoning the willpower to do the laundry and change your bed sheets is the most impressive thing you’ve accomplished all week.

Sometimes depression means lying there for hours, because you cannot convince your body that it is capable of movement.

Sometimes depression means not being able to write for days, weeks even because the only words you have to offer the world are;

“I’m trapped”

“I’m drowning”

“I swear to god I’m trying”

Sometimes depression means that every single bone in your body aches but you have to keep going through the motions because you cannot call into work with the excuse of depression.

Sometimes depression means ignoring every text and phone call for an entire month because yes, they have the right number but you are not the person they are looking for, not anymore.

“I am so fucking tired of being ignored taken for granted unlovable an inconvenience. I just want to be the one who gets a text back feels needed gets attention from that one person be the one everyone is happy to have. Guess it will never be that way though.”

— I wanna die tbh (via missdich)

it bothers me so much that people think they can speak about Muslim faith and how Muslims approach their faith and practice of their own religion from people who either don’t know anything about it or know so little that they put every Muslim in the same bag. There are almost 2 billion of us and you think you can speak for all of us and tell us how to practice our own faith??? We’re all so different and we come from so many different backgrounds. You have no right to speak for us or tell us how to be Muslim.

There are Muslims who spend hours praying every day. There are Muslims who barely have the time to pray 5 times a day. There are Muslims who don’t pray. There gay Muslims. There bi Mulsims. There are pan Muslims. There are trans Mulsims. Muslims who are depressed. Muslims who don’t always find solace in their faith. Muslims who doubt every day but still wake up at 3 A.M for fajr. There are Muslims whose happiness lays in reading the Quran every day. There are Muslims who can’t read the Quran. There are Muslims who fast regularly. There are Muslims who don’t fast even during Ramadan. There are people who wear the hijab and people who don’t. There people who choose to have a beard and Muslims who don’t… I could go on forever.

For every Muslim there is a whole story and our religion is not the only thing about us. Whether it matters or not to us, our religion and our practice of it is not yours to dissect and comment upon. And for the Muslim people who do judge their brothers and sisters for these things, it is good to remember that only Allah can judge us and if you try to, it’s considered the highest sin: shirk.

Whatever I do, it’s between me and Allah and no one has the right to lift an eyebrow. Islam is supposed to be a private matter and just because you think you can spot us in a crowd doesn’t mean you get to publicly dismiss us especially if it’s for things you don’t actually know.