“I Crave Touch, Yet I Flinch Every Time Someone Is Close Enough.”

“last weekend, i cried. alone, and in the dark i cried. with one hand holding my stomach, and another covering my mouth, i cried. i cried for who i used to be, for who i am now, and for who i hope to be. i cried for the hundreds of scars decorating my body, and for the urges so unbearable and relentless that i thought i wouldn’t make it. i cried for all the sleep i lost trying to destroy myself, and for the weight i dropped trying to achieve the impossible”

— i cried for me

“My only relief is to sleep. When I’m sleeping, I’m not sad, I’m not angry, I’m not lonely, I’m nothing.”

— Jillian Medoff,  Hunger Point.

DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME DON’T TOUCH ME

“I know, this isn’t the right thing to do. But, I’m tired of living… And this is the best way that I could escape this miserable life. I’m trapped within the walls of being alone. No one understands me. No one loves me. I know, if I die I wouldn’t be able to feel pain anymore… Nothing hurts when you’re dead. That’s what I wanted, to feel no more pain. I’m tired of this world. Mom, Dad, I’m so sorry because I won’t be able to continue your dreams for me. I’m so sorry for being pesky, rude and hard-headed. Sorry for the things that I made you cry and worry. Even though, my life was completely messed up, you’re always there for me. Cheering me up, supporting and providing things for me. But now, I caused you another trouble, don’t worry, this would be the last.. Thank you for everything, I will always love you both… see you soon. For you, I’m sorry for causing you so much pain and loneliness. I didn’t mean to leave you behind. I don’t want to end everything but… I’m having a battle inside of me. And unfortunately, I lose. That’s why I’m here, on the other side of the horizon. A place not on the physical world. Don’t worry, I will always be in your heart. Loving you from a distance. I will always protect you, guide you and be with you. I don’t want to see you sad and cry again, please. Explore and wander things that life has to offer which I probably can’t do anymore. My body will decay, but my love for you will be forever. I will always be here, till we meet again. On my bed, you will see photographs and things that were important to me. I kept those things for years. It’s like a piece of me, so please keep them as if you’re caring me. If you miss me, come and find me in your heart. I’m so sorry, I can’t continue my life anymore. I’m sick of this world. I’m tired of being beaten and left behind. My life sucks. Please open the door, I want to be free.”

— suicide letter, 11/1714 2:44am

You need a private talk? Just send me an ask!:)

Yesterday my therapist used “triggered” in an actual medical context and for a second I honestly thought she was making fun of me before I remembered that it was still a word like. Actual doctors use and not just something shitty people say

“The moment love rejected me and I decided to reject it too. I had to plead guilty of my own murder”

— Rose O.

gay culture is. 

I think i might be borderline. Im so sensitive but sometimes i feel so cold. I feel like i know what i want and deserve but then i feel like i dont deserve it and im such a horrible being. Sometimes its like nothing is never enough and i domt understand why. I feel empathetic but then i feel narcissistic, then i feel like i can percieve very well but then i am being one sided without even realizing. I make things bigger when they shouldn’t because im so insecure and stupid. I self loathe to the core no matter how many people boost me up and even if i try i then revert to not deserving and feeling bad and becominh self destructive and impulsive, indecisive i dont understand. I just want to be perfect for people and im so different around certain friends or people that if i were in a room with everyone of them who all dont know eachother i would freak out and feel like i don’t know who i am. I struggle hard with my identity. I feel like i know who i am but then im scared to be me, i am afraid of change but then sometimes i do and dont notice or get stuck or steal from others little habits like they are a part of me and feel lost when they are gone or i just can never let go. Im selfish yet considerate, it makes no sense, i am distraught. Dont know if i am diagnosed properly. Dont even know my ownself sometimes.

When you don’t want to do something, like you don’t want to go out or don’t want to research colleges or apply for another job, people tend to think you’re just lazy. They just don’t realize that it’s your anxiety speaking and that it’s driving you crazy.