Yesterday My Therapist Used “triggered” In An Actual Medical Context And For A Second I Honestly

“those who don’t have a dream, it’s okay. it’s okay if you don’t have a dream. you just have to be happy“

via weheartit

i wish i was better

“No matter how hard I try I will always be left out, will never be as important as them, will always be forgotten and the only reason someone calls is because they might need something from me. I feel unwanted and worthless. They make me feel unwanted and worthless. But they’re all I have…”

— (via suicidalnixi)

Food for thought: If I isolate myself and push everyone away then I can kill myself in peace

It’s not that I don’t want to live, I want to feel alive. But I have been dead for so long, I don’t even remember how being alive feels. Now, death feels like home, I just want to go home.

Someone once said to me, “I hope the pain eases soon.” It struck me as the purest blessing that had ever been offered over my head - I hope the pain eases soon. It’s so gentle, so kind, so hopeful. So to everyone who’s hurting: I see how hard you’re trying, and I hope your pain will ease soon.

“I know, this isn’t the right thing to do. But, I’m tired of living… And this is the best way that I could escape this miserable life. I’m trapped within the walls of being alone. No one understands me. No one loves me. I know, if I die I wouldn’t be able to feel pain anymore… Nothing hurts when you’re dead. That’s what I wanted, to feel no more pain. I’m tired of this world. Mom, Dad, I’m so sorry because I won’t be able to continue your dreams for me. I’m so sorry for being pesky, rude and hard-headed. Sorry for the things that I made you cry and worry. Even though, my life was completely messed up, you’re always there for me. Cheering me up, supporting and providing things for me. But now, I caused you another trouble, don’t worry, this would be the last.. Thank you for everything, I will always love you both… see you soon. For you, I’m sorry for causing you so much pain and loneliness. I didn’t mean to leave you behind. I don’t want to end everything but… I’m having a battle inside of me. And unfortunately, I lose. That’s why I’m here, on the other side of the horizon. A place not on the physical world. Don’t worry, I will always be in your heart. Loving you from a distance. I will always protect you, guide you and be with you. I don’t want to see you sad and cry again, please. Explore and wander things that life has to offer which I probably can’t do anymore. My body will decay, but my love for you will be forever. I will always be here, till we meet again. On my bed, you will see photographs and things that were important to me. I kept those things for years. It’s like a piece of me, so please keep them as if you’re caring me. If you miss me, come and find me in your heart. I’m so sorry, I can’t continue my life anymore. I’m sick of this world. I’m tired of being beaten and left behind. My life sucks. Please open the door, I want to be free.”

— suicide letter, 11/1714 2:44am